To hate icebreakers

[virgocatlover]

I hate when someone at work decides it's a good idea to have 'icebreakers'.

'Tell us something no one knows about you'
'Tell us three unique things about yourself'
'Tell us about your perfect day'

Etc etc

I hate it. I'm a private person and don't want to engage in this. It may not be a big deal to some people but I find it bloody awful.

Refusing to do a presentation - or anything else that might be part of your actual job role - isn't remotely on a par with reusing to divulge personal information about yourself.

You seem to be involved in recruitment. Surely you can see how divulging personal details like family, hobbies, preferences has been, and probably still is, a risk for people in the past in terms of promotion or progression because of conscious and unconscious bias?

I was doing some training at work and the session was specifically about using things like games and icebreakers in lessons. I walked in and saw tables set up with balls and dice and games and groaned out loud. The leader of the course laughed and said it’s literally split 50/50 between people who groan as they come in and people who say “yay!”. So there must be people who not only don’t hate these things, but actively enjoy them. Also made me feel better about being a massive curmudgeon. I’m actually outgoing as hell with friends and family but I’m at work to get paid.

This is where 'bring your whole self to work' becomes difficult.
Some people are only too keen to tell you all about their weird hobbies/risqué experiences/'controversial' beliefs and others want to just go to work and go home again.
I remember having my US boss 'encourage' me to tell everyone (room of 50+ professionals) that I couldn't drive.... how strange/unusual! What a talking point! [Actually I was too poor to learn, then too time poor to learn and now I have massive anxiety about it]
Just awful. I feel sick even typing it out.

You have my sympathies OP. Name/job title/bit about your role should be fine. Then something not-personal and work-related to discuss.

The most effective ‘getting to know you’ as far as I’m concerned, is the when you’re getting a coffee, mingling and chatting to people informally before the course starts and at break times. Much more natural. The ‘icebreaker’ nonsense sitting in the course room annoys me immensely.

Surely you’d just say ‘Hi, I’m xx, what’s your name?” ??

I wouldn’t remember anyone’s name from a morning session anyway!

Well, I love an ice breaker. I think they're fun and I love learning about people's non-work side.

I respect your opinion if you don't, this is just my view.

I was brought up never to appear "forward" or "bold" or promote myself in any shape or form so I am crap at interviews.

Icebreakers honestly would bring me out in a cold sweat. I don't think making people feel uncomfortable adds anything to a meeting or course.

I'm not involved in recruitment directly but I do support companies when they're expanding and bringing on new roles. Bias around background etc is definitely a huge problem and I try to help companies overcome that. What I'm talking about is a bit different - what the person actually says in these icebreakers is one thing - it could cause an issue if they don't 'fit' or if there's a cultural problem in the company. Besides that though, when people are looking for talent they are often looking for people who don't drag their heels, who are able to think quickly and adapt. If someone refuses to participate in something (regardless of the value or content of the task itself) IME it sends a very strong negative message wrt progression. That might not be an issue - the person might be perfectly happy where they are and have no interest whatsoever in moving up. Where it is an issue is when someone feels they're doing a great job but they keep getting overlooked and they don't realise that it's these small behaviours that can be standing in their way.

Not really. In the kind of forced situations where you have to introduce yourself and then answer one of these icebreaker type questions, I think it’s more like stage fright for me. I don’t get that in normal conversation.

Thanks. Yes I’m much better about that sort of thing, especially since I had dc. I think some of it never really goes away though deep down.

I would add that I work a lot with startups and those who don't roll their eyes/drag their heels are usually the ones with the right energy to make a startup work. That requires a particular set of attributes and skills that tend to be different to usual work environments though

I don't mean if they "don't fit" or there's a "cultural issue". I mean unconscious bias around slotting people into ideal and non-ideal worker/leader stereotypes. For example, a woman saying that her ideal day is "knitting and pottering around in the garden" might be unconsciously judged as less leadership material-y than a man who talks about more masculine hobbies. It's not about cultural issues or not fitting but old fashioned unconscious bias and the risks of that which come with sharing personal information.
My point is that this situation wouldn't have arisen if personal lives and hobbies were kept out of the workplace.

I see what you mean. I would argue that if someone who potters is not seen a leadership material then that is a huge cultural issue, but that's just semantics really.

I don't think issues like this are solved by keeping personal lives out of the workplace. I think they're hidden, but continue to cause a problem.

I was brought up never to appear "forward" or "bold" or promote myself in any shape or form so I am crap at interviews.

So was I and so am I.

Agree, icebreakers can be awful.

The worst one I was subjected to began with “ok, everyone take a piece of paper and write on it a number (so far so good)…. to show the number of squares of toilet paper you use when you’ve done a wee”

EVERYONE hates icebreakers! I really dont know why trainers insist on using them as they cause so much stress (ironically).

It is very odd.

These things cause so much anxiety among so many people and so many professional “people” people seem not to have got the memo.

I think the world of work generally is very bad at reading the room on stuff like this. A large number of people suffer from anxiety and find this sort of thing intolerable. I do think sometimes people need to be coaxed out of their shells and people can’t simply refuse to engage but this is a fast way to make shy and awkward people retreat into themselves.

@ViaRia01 now as much as I am at the "don't care what others think" stage of life - that one is a step to far.
Eww.

They have a place, but shouldn’t be considered seriously. They are about breaking silence, discovering the atmosphere, finding out what types of people you have in the room.

If you lead training, knowing where the extroverts are and where the enthusiasts are is really helpful. You might not want them all in one group- or you might if you want to hear from the quieter people.

Some people are handy to call on to start a conversation because you can see they’ll respond and set up an Aunt Sally for you.

Last "ice breaker" I had was "tell us something you hate" I replied "Ice breakers"

So what would be an example of a good icebreaker, rather than a shit question? I’ve definitely seen lots of the latter!

I loathe them. I was tasked with running a team away day. I was told that an icebreaker in some form must be included.

So, I asked all 20 participants to bring along the name and/or photo of a well known person/character that they like/think is similar to them and place it in their group envelope. Swapped the envelopes and the groups had to match the person/character to the team member. Then a quick line on why your character/person.

It worked really well and the feedback was good. Still not totally sold on the whole idea of icebreakers though.

This sounds great

I once went to a workshop where we had to think of our department as a human body and then say what part of the body we thought we were and why.

It was a bit cringe but basically fine until one of my colleagues - who had an office in the basement - described himself as the clitoris because he was fun but hard to find 😅

We you brought up in Scotland by any chance?

Me - 1970s by a very domineering narcissistic mother who ruled every part of my life - even after I was married and had left home.

Answer to 1st question is always “ I hate doing this shit “