To hate icebreakers

[virgocatlover]

I hate when someone at work decides it's a good idea to have 'icebreakers'.

'Tell us something no one knows about you'
'Tell us three unique things about yourself'
'Tell us about your perfect day'

Etc etc

I hate it. I'm a private person and don't want to engage in this. It may not be a big deal to some people but I find it bloody awful.

“If you were a car which car would you be?”

My reply was “a Micra - not very exciting but reliable”

That doesn't actually address the issue that you're being asked to tell colleagues your perfect day. Whether its made up or not is irrelevant - being forced to share private information at work is the issue

In these situations I tell people that I used to be a dancer in the window at <insert dodgy nightclub> in town. Everyone laughs.

But it's true 😂

My favourite stupid fact for these is:

I can recite Pi to 4 digits

Retired now, but I used to just say "Pass" and refuse to say anything

Depends what the course is for - a leisure one , maybe. A work finance meeting isn’t the place for that for me, I just wanted the update/training and to bugger off back to work (or home!)

I agree with everyone who says they don't want to share personal stuff. I will if I want to but the whole 'bring your authentic self' to work is pissing me off.

On our work intranet this week we've had a long and boring story about someone being gay and how amazing it is that he can be openly out at work and another sharing that he is 4 years sober.

I DON'T CARE! I don't want to know this stuff, I come here to do a job and I'll know stuff about people who are my friend but general colleagues? I don't want to know your sexual orientation or addictions.

"Can we skip the icebreaker and get on with the course so we can finish early and get home?"

As someone who runs courses for people who don't know each other, where a certain amount of openness is required, this is something I struggle with. I'm aware people hate icebreakers but there's a certain window at the start to get everyone vaguely acquainted with each other before we dig into the meaty stuff and I'm never quite sure how to do it. Usually I stick to something relevant to the course - ie people need to talk about the project they're working on. One thing I found effective is asking people to pair off, learn about each others' projects then describe them to the group - that worked quite well as it got people talking to each other.

One thing I will say is that responses to icebreakers can be revealing about the type of person/employee someone is. For good or for bad, it's very exposing. Refusal to participate can be a strong signal that someone isn't suitable for a particular job/promotion.

I am very much an open book and not private at all but even I hate these kinds of tasks. Why would I divulge something that nobody knows about me? There is a very good reason why nobody knows about that particular thing. I also know that I am not that unique so would be hard to find three things that make me unique. It's complete bullshit and serves no purpose nor does it bring people together.

I agree with all of this.

My go-to response
Fron 2.15 onwards

I am very glad to be retired, seems it’s increasingly difficult to just go to work, do what you are paid for and go home. It’s like every employer wants to be seen as a family. It was bad enough when I was working and I retired 5 years ago.

A former colleague used to call icebreakers 'a slow creeping death', which is accurate.

There's a difference between 'icebreakers' and 'shit questions'.

I do a lot of training and group facilitation, and on a psychological basis in groups it really is important to get people talking and engaging as soon as possible – for lots of reasons.

But that doesn't mean 'what's your favourite biscuit' or 'tell us something weird about you' is the way to do it.

I think a lot of the hatred people have for icebreakers is more about unskilled facilitators leaning on badly-thought-out experiences for people, more than the actual tool.

Refusal to participate can be a strong signal that someone isn't receptive to bullshit.

It’s the same thing isn’t it! Companies want people who will bend at will.

I definitely think some companies want that - and it's worth finding that out sooner rather than later. However, I've seen people who love their job and are very good at it fail to progress because of more incidental behaviours like refusing to participate/refusing to do a presentation etc. because they are strong signals of an inability to just adapt to a situation and get on with it, even if it's not ideal.

I hate icebreakers.
However, I did a course last week - with people from all sorts if different companies - and there was no form of introductions or icebreakers.
Uncomfortable as some icebreakers make me, actually not even knowing the name of the bloke i was paired up with after lunch wasn't ideal either.
So, I'm torn!

@Callipygion you'll still be getting paid though if it's a work thing.
If someone wants to pay me to say "my favourite biscuit is choc digestives, I like Lego and I can't catch so no one throw the ball at me" - then it's no biggie to me.
I wonder how on earth do people make friends or find partners/spouses if everyone keeps their private life private?

I wonder how on earth do people make friends or find partners/spouses if everyone keeps their private life private?

I think there’s a difference between sharing that information naturally as part of a normal conversation and being put on the spot though.

I’m not a particularly private person but I hate being put on the spot. I was bullied as a kid and a lot of bullying in school seems to revolve around what you like or don’t like eg. not liking the right music/ wearing the right clothes etc so that might be a part of it on a subconscious level. I really don’t know why I hate it so much but apparently lots of people do so it must just be one of those things 🤷‍♀️

@NoCoordination surely any time you meet somebody new and a question is asked you are being "put on the spot" ?

@NoCoordination sorry to hear about your bullying.
This is the thing I have learned as I have got older though - be proud of who you are, what you like and enjoy doing. If someone else doesn't like that - then F them.
It's a shame it takes many people so long to realise this.
You are you 💐

I always speak up now whenever anyone suggests an ice breaker, no one likes them and they have been done to death.

If I'm on a course and the facilitator introduces one , I groan loudly.