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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this school mum trying to intimidate me??

162 replies

WayUpHigh1 · 21/06/2024 00:03

This sounds really weird but I’ve had a few encounters with this school mum now and every time I’ve seen him it happens. Few times outside the school gates and one time in a shop near the school. She seems to be quite loud and ‘out there’. Anyway, she will just be walking normally and then when she sees me she will purposefully come towards me and into my path and block me walking and I have to go around and then she said ‘oh sorry’ with a laugh in her voice. First time it happened I just thought nothing of it but it keeps happening.

OP posts:
MyMiniMetro · 25/06/2024 18:46

Don't engage with her in any way just yet. Speak to the head about this crazy behaviour, not so they can do anything as such, just so that they are aware. It could also pay dividends if the mad mother tries to escalate the situation and then blame you, the school will already be in the loop.

Ignoring is the best course of action initially. Just always look mildly worried about her when she does this, like you would an unsteady old lady. You're not going to get someone that immature to suddenly apologise or see reason. If you don't rise to the bait she may get bored.

However, it's equally possible she will escalate and get worse. Some people with a personality disorder do this thing where they are really really horrible to someone, pushing and pushing until the other person is horrible back. This then makes their initial bad behaviour towards the victim seem justified, they can now play martyr with others around them and it gives them excuse to be even more horrible to the victim, all while painting themselves as the true victim. It's all usually a cycle created from early trauma.

If faced with escalation from this woman, the best way to react is to put on your best Louis Theroux concerned face and ask warmly, like a grown up to a crying child, "Are you okay?" Really ramp it up. Whatever the answer, up the concern with "Are you sure you're okay. You seem to be walking into people and rambling like you've had a bump on the head. Do you need an ambulance?" Act like you've completely not noticed that she's trying to provoke you. Louis is the master at de-escalating people on the attack with excessive kindness, he's worth a watch.

Metaphorically speaking, kill this woman with excessive concern and kindness; I promise she won't know what the hell to do with that and back right off.

lemonmeringueno3 · 25/06/2024 18:48

If someone walked towards me and then stood in my path I'd assume they wanted to talk to me and wouldn't attempt to walk around them.

Fraaahnces · 26/06/2024 00:43

@Allthehorsesintheworld or raspberry syrup/cranberry/cherry juice (sticky af & stains)

couchparsnip · 26/06/2024 07:17

Was this originally about a man and you changed the gender? Would explain the stray "him".
I would also be standing my ground. Just be on your phone then stop dead when they are in front of you. Maybe look up briefly but quizzically. They will have to go around you or barge into you.

Hmm1234 · 26/06/2024 17:50

She clearly wants to engage with you maybe make friends? What’s the backstory here? Or has she got wind of you bitxhin about her to other school mums saying she’s ‘rough’ etc

ALovelyCupOfNameChange · 26/06/2024 17:54

Disarm her

“that’s a lovely dress you’ve got on”

MrsB0812 · 26/06/2024 18:06

She sounds like the typical ahole school parent, just stay well out of her way , don't let her intimidate you

Cakeandcoffeea · 26/06/2024 18:07

WayUpHigh1 · 21/06/2024 00:03

This sounds really weird but I’ve had a few encounters with this school mum now and every time I’ve seen him it happens. Few times outside the school gates and one time in a shop near the school. She seems to be quite loud and ‘out there’. Anyway, she will just be walking normally and then when she sees me she will purposefully come towards me and into my path and block me walking and I have to go around and then she said ‘oh sorry’ with a laugh in her voice. First time it happened I just thought nothing of it but it keeps happening.

Can you just cross the road when you see her ? She sounds unhinged to be honest ❤️

wasdarknowblond · 26/06/2024 18:09

She sounds horrible and a bully - I think you need to stand your ground otherwise she’ll feel she’s got the upper hand. I also wonder if she’s on something? What a ghastly woman.

Helen1625 · 26/06/2024 18:20

She sounds weird. Have you had a falling out with her?

Like lots of others have said, I'd stop dead in my tracks, I wouldn't be walking around her. Stop and turn to look at something, check for a text, anything that draws your eyes away from her but means your stationary when she gets close and has no choice but to move.

tommyhoundmum · 26/06/2024 18:21

Be very careful op. This type of individual can be very confrontational. She may just be envious of you. Something similar happened to me. I was with my daughter in the supermarket and we were looking round chatting and laughing together when a huge woman who was standing next to me stepped deliberately on the top of my foot and glared at me. Never seen her before or since. However, months later a photo in the Standard that looked very like her said she had pushed an unoffensive woman over into traffic. Check with school first that there are no mental health issues to be aware of. Good luck.

Lulu49 · 26/06/2024 18:24

Oh God yes there's lots of rough mums like that

Oldster1933 · 26/06/2024 18:26

Get on your phone and ignore her.
Have a pretend conversation. She will have to walk round you.

Pantaloons99 · 26/06/2024 18:31

If you see her coming,don't engage and cross the road. Don't even look at her.
She sounds rough as arseholes. This is the sort of behaviour I'd expect from those loudmouths that turn up to school in their pyjamas everyday. She'll move on if you don't feed into it.

CharlotteLucas3 · 26/06/2024 18:31

Are you very attractive op? Sometimes women do this to attractive women….it’s very odd.

The thing to do - and this works like magic - is to stand completely still and don’t look her in the eye. Maybe even turn to face away.

Maria1979 · 26/06/2024 18:35

I would deliberately look her way and walk towards her "oh, hi we just seem to run into each other all the time, isnt it funny? What class is your child in? Mine is in x, he likes history alot, isnt the teacher great? Im trying to find a book on the french revolution but with a feminist perspective, you dont know of any do you? If not...." and blablabla BORE her out so completely that SHE will be the one avoiding you in the future...

Ps. I actually did do this once (to a dad who I felt really uncomfortable around because he always suggested getting together for coffee just the two of us even though I knew his wife) and YES it worked 😄

hoggyhedge · 26/06/2024 18:43

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

MadMadaMim · 26/06/2024 18:53

You don't have to move - just carry on

MILTOBE · 26/06/2024 18:56

I would speak to my child's teacher about it and ask what the hell was up with the woman.

LalaPaloosa · 26/06/2024 19:00

She sounds so pathetic. I’d ask if people like this really exist but I can see one of the mothers at my daughter’s school doing this if she thought she wouldn’t get a strong response. So give this woman one. Stand your ground. It’s the only way to deal with bullies.

J97King · 26/06/2024 19:00

Could she be autistic? It sounds like shevis socially awkward and using a strategy to try to engage with you to me.

piningforautumn · 26/06/2024 19:06

I wouldn't do or say anything confrontational (or that might be construed as a challenge), because tbh she sounds a bit nuts. Avoid her whenever possible and just be completely bland and serene. Let her rude weirdness roll off you like water off a duck's back. She's the strange one, whatever her motivation.

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 26/06/2024 19:06

If she's not 'dog rough' (love that 😂), she's either jealous of you, or she fancies you.

Are you better than her in any way she'll be aware of? Looks, husband, intelligence or wealth? Don't provoke her in case she's wanting to lay into you and is looking for an excuse (I mean, this sounds unhinged but then, there are weirdos out there). I kind of like the idea of just stopping and doing nothing, so she has to walk round you.

Clueless2024 · 26/06/2024 19:13

When you see her walking towards you, start waving like a lunatic & shrieking really, really, really, loudly "Hi deliberate wrong name, something similar haven't seen you in ages.... bet she'll start avoiding you then 😁

OhMaria2 · 26/06/2024 19:30

PinotDragon · 25/06/2024 17:45

Some options:

Dodge; wait till she is near then dodge round and chuckle.

Hold your ground; firm up your shoulder and ground yourself (let your weight drop into your hips and thighs). Surprisingly unmovable when you do this if she actually slams into you but may invite some mouthiness. Can send the knocker flat on their arse in some cases which may cause retaliation.

A well timed stick out of the foot so she trips. Also may invite a retaliation.

Call her out. Ask her why the fuck she is so insistent on invading your personal space.

Step aside and smile. The least likely to cause a reaction but will probably make you simmer on the inside.

My personal is option 3.

Lol no, dodge round her and yell Tee Hee!! Next time run past her you can't catch me I'm the gingerbread man!

Only kidding. Do none of these. My advice is let the school/ your child's teacher know that you are finding her behaviour unsettling and that you just wanted to make them aware. It doesnt matter what her intentions are, thats not for you to ponder. Her behaviour is unwanted.
That's all. Then wait and see if she escalates like a nut case or not whilst staying away from her or simply saying good morning and waking past.

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