Grandparents wrecking sleep schedule

[purplepeopleeater28]

Would you just stop sleepovers all together? We’ve been working so hard to get 3 yo and 18mth old into a good routine and every single time my parents have them we then have to spend a whole week picking up the pieces. Currently have the pair of them screaming and sobbing their heads off because they’re tired but refuse to go to sleep because my mum lets them pass out on the sofa at midnight after about 5 bottles of milk or hot chocolate each (which I’ve also asked her not to do multiple times because then 3y/o wants a baby bottle of milk again for the rest of the week)

I’m so fed up. My mum likes having them but I’ve tried mentioning this atleast twice and it’s clearly going nowhere - do I just call it a day??

Just refuse sleepovers altogether. Neither my 3.5 year old or my 17 month old have ever been away at night. Older siblings have had sleepovers but only when older and it has less of an impact. Its not worth the hassle just to entertain the grandparents wants- they blatantly don’t have your DC’s interests at heart.

Have you text your mum this evening to tell her about the nightmare you've had with the children, and how distressed both children were? What has she said? She needs to know how much it is making you whole family suffer (including her grandchildren) and have a couple of rejections of sleepovers (and explain the rejection is because you cannot have the children being so upset for the following week, and your evenings destroyed, as you try to reinstate boundaries and routine) to really drum the message home. Just remember - you are worried about upsetting them, but they have no problem upsetting you, your DH and your two children.

Your mum is being an idiot and making life difficult. It's rude not to respect reasonable requests or rules when caring for other people's children even if family. I wouldn't have any more sleepovers with gran.

That sounds miserable for your poor kids, being overtired is no fun. Your parents are too selfish to have them for sleepovers. Anyway, surely it's more fun for them to see them during the day, awake and content?

I'd definitely be putting a stop to it.

Yeah this is not okay. I expect my mum to let the kids stay up a bit late (like an hour late) and eat a few too many ice creams but that’s the limit!

We would never do that with our grandchild. Stop until she agrees to stick to your wishes.

Just explain that the sleepovers are causing a lot of disruption afterwards and you would like to leave it till they are a bit older - but daytime involvement is welcomed.

It may not be that they they are ignoring your instructions - it might be that the children behave very differently when with them. Tell them you understand that - you don't want to be falling out with them - and stick to daytimes for the time being.

Can you say, "Sorry, the sleepovers aren't working for us right now. Would you like to have them Saturday afternoon/ Sunday teatime/ Wednesday morning/ etc?" Then you're clear that you're still offering time with them, which might take the sting out of it a bit. (I'm not sure your parents deserve to be handled with kid gloves, but often it's better than having a row!)

I would not let my similar aged children go for a sleepover to someone who let them stay up till midnight; they'd be grumpy and unhappy for days after and that's not fair to them.

I’m pretty laid back but I would be so unhappy with this. Midnight is outrageously late for both of them and no wonder they are out of sorts the following week! Your parents are not showing you any respect at all by doing this.

Did she let you stay up until midnight and pass out on the sofa full of hot chocolate? If not ask her why she didn’t.
If she did. Then she’s a neglectful parent and sleepovers should never have been on the cards.

Not a chance in hell would I spend a week picking up the pieces after one sleepover and I’m pretty relaxed in general about bedtimes and sugar/chocolate etc.

If she asks just be honest, sorry mum they aren’t going to be able to stay again because I can’t face another weeks battle to get them to sleep. It’s just not worth it for my mental health. We’ll try again when they are older and you’re more able to get them to bed before midnight.

My parents and in laws have never had my children overnight... It feels like they're being kind offering you a night off, so seems rude to complain. But if it doesn't work for you then just stop overnight visits

No more sleepovers, it’s just not worth it.

Getting DC into a bedtime routine can at times be a nightmare so I find it pretty selfish of your DM to behave as she does, surely she must realise its not good for your little ones.

Your dps are adults. Let them be upset. Your poor dc must be shattered..
And bottles and bottles of milk is grim. Is she trying to keep them babies?

This is awful! It's clearly for the benefit of your parents, not your children. Tell the grandparents they can't have your kids again for sleepovers until they agree to your schedule.

You seem v argumentative. OP states ‘every single time’ so I’m presuming it’s happened a few times, why still do it unless necessary for work perhaps
Hence my question.
stop derailing the thread

I think it's normal for grandparents to be a bit more relaxed about the bedtime routine but it sounds like your mum took it way too far! Have you sat her down and explained that what she's doing is causing a lot of disruption and is not fair on the children as it means them being distressed and not getting enough sleep the rest of the week? If she's not willing to take that on board and be more responsible, I'd be holding off on more sleepovers until they're a bit older and the odd late night won't make so much difference.

If you have had to ‘drive them around’ do they actually have a proper routine as surely by not going straight back to it your making it even harder? You sure they don’t just not settle well there so she has not choice to leave them crash on the sofa?

Regardless, I’d stop it but maybe she’s not as unreasonable as it’s being made out.

Yep, I stopped sleepovers for this reason.
I'll only allow a sleepover when I really need a break or if I am away. It has to be something worth breaking the routine over, not just because nanny fancies it!

@thecatsthecats absolutely.

Its bizarre isn't it!

Op just say openly, we can't cope with them when their sleep is like this, if you can't follow what I'm aksing you can't have them for a sleep but have them in the day.

Yeah just let them spend the day there and then pick them up and you do bedtime. When they’re older it won’t be as much of an issue but I can see why you’re tearing your hair out now - like you say, not worth it!

I think if they are not old enough to handle a break in routine and gp’s can’t stick to routine then they will have to skip overnights at gp’s until they are a bit older.

Not a chance I would entertain this.
Not worth it. End of.
Not fair on your children either.