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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU.. Reactions to walking to primary school?

246 replies

Jaggedbubble · 20/06/2024 06:46

Due to a house move, we had a hard time getting a suitable primary school place for DS in September. Thankfully we've now managed to secure one which is 1.3 miles from our new address.

I have a car but I fully intend on walking to school with him. We currently walk to nursery which is about half the distance, and I love our walks and chats together.

The thing that has really surprised me is the amount of negative reactions from other parents about our plans to walk. 'What about in the winter! What if it's raining! They will be so exhausted!' Some of them so dramatic like I'm commiting an awful act against my DS!

We are an outdoorsy family and have plenty of warm winter gear, decent waterproofs, scooters (with pull along strap if needed) and even a bike with large seat if he's really struggling in the first term.

Also it's a big school with absolutely notorious issues for parking/ driving at school run time so I plan to avoid the stress of that! And I will still have my car if there is an emergency/illness etc, but don't plan to use it otherwise.

AIBU to be a bit miffed at everyone's reactions?

OP posts:
MumonabikeE5 · 20/06/2024 11:26

@Giveupnow We are a no/low car use family, my kids haven’t got special personalities that make them more able to walk, what they have had is more exposure to walking than high car use kids get.
it took time to build up that stamina, to build up their tolerance. Patience and frequent low stress walking /cycling journeys from 2years means that now at 6 and 9 both my kids can cycle at least 5km without grumble.

but you can’t do a foot commute without having already built tolerance through low stress walks to shops/parks/friends etc

Jaggedbubble · 20/06/2024 11:37

ProjectEdensGate · 20/06/2024 08:39

I know you've probably not come on here with the intention of being judgey. But calling yourself an 'outdoorsy family' (aren't 90% of families with preschoolers) does come across as pretentious.

It is also a bit weird how much you have discussed travel arrangements with so many people. Even with the mentioned nightmare of finding something close to home, I'd still only tell other people we've got a school nearer to home and I might walk with him. Not going into the ins and outs of my waterproofs and bike seats.

Calling us 'outdoorsy' = pretentious is a hot take.
I figured it would help with context that my kiddo is used to being outside whatever the weather and we have good clothes for it. I'm not claiming to be a better human / parent because I own some waterproofs.

Also the ins and outs of waterproofs / bike seats for were context of the post, I haven't gone into painful details of these things in person. I was hoping for others to chime in if they can relate to that experience. Which many have, so thank you!

OP posts:
Eeeden · 20/06/2024 11:51

1.3 miles is close by. It's not even a walk. I think most children who live near a primary school would walk there and back. Don't worry about it.

WaftherAngelsthroughtheskies · 20/06/2024 11:54

The other element to walking/cycling to school is that children learn better after they've taken some exercise. They find it easier to settle and focus, sleep better and eat better. So whilst the fun of it is one thing, the education and health benefits make it more compelling. Just don't expect to win any 'smartest uniform' prizes as those will be swept up by immaculate children stepping out of cars at the school gate!

BellyPork · 20/06/2024 11:56

ExitPursuedByABare · 20/06/2024 11:23

In Switzerland small children are all expected to walk to school. Alone.

My mother was by no means a helicopter parent but I remember even she was incredulous that the children of the family we were visiting in Switzerland walked alone to school in the dark (mid-winter).

dscisaknob · 20/06/2024 11:59

So just ignore them? That's their opinion which they are entitled to and you have a different opinion. You don't need to mention the walking to people.
You can walk with him and see how it works out. If you find that he's too tired after a long day you can pick him up in the car. You can decide whether to walk or not based on the weather forecast. It doesn't have to be some kind of ideological "We are walking to school no matter what" kind of thing.
You can walk as it's good exercise but you can also talk him in the car as and when necessary.
I wouldn't be walking with him if the weather is very bad and he's likely to get cold and wet (and that can happen even with the best waterproofs) and he then has to sit in school all day.

Elphamouche · 20/06/2024 12:01

If you can do it, great! I wouldn’t have have to get to work if I did it though lol.

As long as you have REALLY good water proofs, do your little one doesn’t have to sit in wet clothes all day. And you pick up with drinks in the heat then go for it!

stayathomer · 20/06/2024 12:02

I think it sets them up great, we’re ridiculously rural (nearly get knocked down daily walking the dog along a non existent grass verge and because the kids are driven so much when we go for hikes they act like we’re killing them!!

Natsku · 20/06/2024 14:27

YANBU, if you have time to walk then that's the best thing to do, even, and perhaps especially, in bad weather (as it teaches them resilience). I've had conversations about walking to school with other parents, but we've all been in agreement that walking or cycling are the best options. DD has always walked (just over a mile to her primary school) except when its been colder than -30 (even then sometimes she has to walk), and next autumn she'll be walking/biking just over 2 miles each way to school. She is outraged that I'll be driving DS to school for the first 10 weeks but that's only because I won't have time to walk him there (and that's even with dropping him off at the very earliest time for before-school care, at 7) and get back again to get to my work placement in time, but once my placement is finished he'll be walking)

And children like walking when they're used to it and have built up their stamina. 6 year old DS is always wanting to go for walks - he's currently walking around the forest nearby, about a mile long round walk.

beanii · 24/06/2024 12:42

This drives me nuts - they're more than capable of walking, even in the rain and cold.

It's the same with playing in the garden - the amount of people who stop them in the winter is ridiculous.

Allfur · 24/06/2024 12:46

Describing ones family as outdoorsy is not in the least pretentious, plenty of families drive everywhere and prefer gaming to physical activity

TheLurpackYears · 24/06/2024 12:48

How on earth have you got 3-4 hours a day spare? I drive mine the 1/2 mile to school, aside from his disability that makes it an absolute ball ache to walk (carry him) that distance, the extra couple of hours a week it frees up make a real difference to what I can earn.

northernbeee · 24/06/2024 12:53

People are lazy, that's the problem. Our local school, people drive from literally down the street - then moan they can't find anywhere to park. Walking is by far better for you and your child.

Savemysweets · 24/06/2024 12:55

I agree, we do have a really close school (0.2miles) which we couldn't get into. One of the families a few doors down drives! Yet you also get people further away using our street to park as its so close, I cannot understand driving from there, it must be so much extra stress for the sake of a few meters closer

It seems odd to drive 0.2m as by the time you have got in the car & parked walking would be quicker plus there is likely still some walking involved as you can’t normally park outside a school. Are you sure some of these people aren’t going onto work?

JLou08 · 24/06/2024 12:55

I find it odd when people say it's not fair in children to walk a long way or walk I'm bad weather. With the exception of severe wind and hailstone I've never known a child not enjoy being out in all weathers, they also have huge amounts of energy. It seems adults use this as an excuse for their own laziness or dislike for weather.

80smonster · 24/06/2024 13:02

Walking is seen as a radical act these days, which I find the most bizarre thing ever as a Londoner. We walk to school and back each day (0.60 mile each way) and other parents clearly think we’re absolutely mental. Personally I find the walk gives us both some chill time and also a chance to talk. I’ve lost count how many kids I see pulled from cars screaming. Whilst we calmly scoot past! If it’s snowing we catch an uber, if it’s pouring with rain the bus, both take longer than walking.

Savemysweets · 24/06/2024 13:04

In my part of London most people walk, the majority of those who drive are coming to & from work or live further away/have 2 different pick ups etc

Tiredmumw · 24/06/2024 13:46

I walk my child to school every day. It’s a mile. I don’t have a car so no other choice.

GreenTeaLikesMe · 24/06/2024 13:56

GracieLee · 20/06/2024 06:52

It seems more odd that you've had this conversation with so many people, he doesnt start til Sept so why would that conversation keep coming up unless you're going out of your way to have it. Therefore, you're probably asking for opinions. I dont think it's too wild of an opinion for people to say a child might be fed up with a 1 hour round trip every day in horrendous weather if they've been asked for their opinion.

If you have a child who is going to start school, people want to know what school, then they want to talk about how they are going to get there. I doubt the OP is TRYING to have an argument about it.

GracieLee · 24/06/2024 14:00

GreenTeaLikesMe · 24/06/2024 13:56

If you have a child who is going to start school, people want to know what school, then they want to talk about how they are going to get there. I doubt the OP is TRYING to have an argument about it.

Where did I say OP is trying to have an argument about it? I said it's no wonder she's getting peoples opinions if she is asking lots of people about it, which she said she is 🤷‍♀️

GreenTeaLikesMe · 24/06/2024 14:00

ExitPursuedByABare · 20/06/2024 11:23

In Switzerland small children are all expected to walk to school. Alone.

Japan too (although elementary school starts at six here). They have little walking groups, but they walk without adults.

LaurieFairyCake · 24/06/2024 14:03

Everyone I see here (London) is walking their kids to school

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 24/06/2024 15:15

If it’s foundation get a bike seat and cycle him there or one of those bikes where there is an add on to make it tandem. They are exceptionally tired that first term. At least both mine were.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 24/06/2024 15:19

TheLurpackYears · 24/06/2024 12:48

How on earth have you got 3-4 hours a day spare? I drive mine the 1/2 mile to school, aside from his disability that makes it an absolute ball ache to walk (carry him) that distance, the extra couple of hours a week it frees up make a real difference to what I can earn.

Ok your son has a disability so you have good reason to drive. It is not 3 or 4 hours a week to walk half a mile. More like 12 minutes each way. That’s 2 hrs per week.

EHHC · 24/06/2024 15:35

SamanthaVimes · 20/06/2024 07:04

I just googled what my childhood walk to school was and it’s 0.8 miles as a sense check. It was completely fine and very good for us I’m sure.

We never drove to school until we moved further away (it became a half hour drive instead of a half hour walk)

My 3yo can walk up to about 2 miles so I don’t see why a school aged child couldn’t manage 1.3 twice a day.

'most' children are able to walk that distance.
To all the posters talking about 'lazy' parents. Maybe some of those child have mobility issues. Maybe none of them do. But its not up to you to judge. My son has a mobility and fatigue issue with a diagnosed condition which affects him all day every day. He gets driven to school and we have been the recipients of stares and glares from people who I assume think we are lazy. I imagine we'd get stares from some of the posters here too. Our decision to drive to limit the tiredness experienced in a day is valid and necessary and shouldn't lead to judging by others. How lovely it would be to not have to worry about that.

Maybe parents drive as they have to go to work straight after. Maybe some have appointments to get to. Maybe parents have a medical reason to not walk. Maybe they want to be in and out of the school gates as quickly as possible to avoid discussing about whether they do or don't walk their child to school. You do you, just don't judge others.

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