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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU.. Reactions to walking to primary school?

246 replies

Jaggedbubble · 20/06/2024 06:46

Due to a house move, we had a hard time getting a suitable primary school place for DS in September. Thankfully we've now managed to secure one which is 1.3 miles from our new address.

I have a car but I fully intend on walking to school with him. We currently walk to nursery which is about half the distance, and I love our walks and chats together.

The thing that has really surprised me is the amount of negative reactions from other parents about our plans to walk. 'What about in the winter! What if it's raining! They will be so exhausted!' Some of them so dramatic like I'm commiting an awful act against my DS!

We are an outdoorsy family and have plenty of warm winter gear, decent waterproofs, scooters (with pull along strap if needed) and even a bike with large seat if he's really struggling in the first term.

Also it's a big school with absolutely notorious issues for parking/ driving at school run time so I plan to avoid the stress of that! And I will still have my car if there is an emergency/illness etc, but don't plan to use it otherwise.

AIBU to be a bit miffed at everyone's reactions?

OP posts:
Allfur · 24/06/2024 15:38

EHHC · 24/06/2024 15:35

'most' children are able to walk that distance.
To all the posters talking about 'lazy' parents. Maybe some of those child have mobility issues. Maybe none of them do. But its not up to you to judge. My son has a mobility and fatigue issue with a diagnosed condition which affects him all day every day. He gets driven to school and we have been the recipients of stares and glares from people who I assume think we are lazy. I imagine we'd get stares from some of the posters here too. Our decision to drive to limit the tiredness experienced in a day is valid and necessary and shouldn't lead to judging by others. How lovely it would be to not have to worry about that.

Maybe parents drive as they have to go to work straight after. Maybe some have appointments to get to. Maybe parents have a medical reason to not walk. Maybe they want to be in and out of the school gates as quickly as possible to avoid discussing about whether they do or don't walk their child to school. You do you, just don't judge others.

There are other ways to get to work after dropping kids off that don't involve driving, not everyone who does the school run in a car, has to

Clearinguptheclutter · 24/06/2024 15:39

Sounds great to me.

ExpectoPatronums · 24/06/2024 15:42

It's not that far and it sounds like you have options to help him if he's tired. I'd just tell people you'll see how he goes, its none of their business how you get there!
Parking is terrible at our school and I'm sure there are some that spend as long trying to find somewhere to park as they do actually driving there.

moonshinepoursthroughmywindow · 24/06/2024 15:59

I used to be a teaching assistant and you could always spot the children who never walked anywhere. We sometimes had trips to locations within walking distance and the non-walkers (I don't mean people with any kind of disability, just people whose parents never let them walk very much) would be whining by the time they reached the end of the road. By encouraging your DS to walk this distance, you will not only be doing a great thing for his health and stamina, but making it more likely that he'll always take pleasure in walking rather than regarding it s a chore or something he's somehow entitled not to do.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 24/06/2024 16:15

My children are now in their 30s but even when they were at primary school there were children who clearly went everywhere by car. On the odd occasion the school arranged a trip using public transport there would be anxious parents asking if it was safe and on the trip itself (I often went along as a parent helper) their children would be amazed by the novel experience of getting on a train, a tube or a bus. Particularly odd for a child growing up in Inner London not to get that experience. It implied they were never taken into Central London at all, so never went to the innumerable free world class museums and art galleries, or even just to wander about the parks and streets (free, endlessly fascinating - to me, anyway).

SamanthaVimes · 24/06/2024 16:16

EHHC · 24/06/2024 15:35

'most' children are able to walk that distance.
To all the posters talking about 'lazy' parents. Maybe some of those child have mobility issues. Maybe none of them do. But its not up to you to judge. My son has a mobility and fatigue issue with a diagnosed condition which affects him all day every day. He gets driven to school and we have been the recipients of stares and glares from people who I assume think we are lazy. I imagine we'd get stares from some of the posters here too. Our decision to drive to limit the tiredness experienced in a day is valid and necessary and shouldn't lead to judging by others. How lovely it would be to not have to worry about that.

Maybe parents drive as they have to go to work straight after. Maybe some have appointments to get to. Maybe parents have a medical reason to not walk. Maybe they want to be in and out of the school gates as quickly as possible to avoid discussing about whether they do or don't walk their child to school. You do you, just don't judge others.

I didn’t call anyone lazy and wasn’t commenting on whether all children SHOULD walk to school. I don’t have any issue with people driving if that suits their needs.

I was answering OPs specific question as to whether it would be too far for her able bodied child (as I’m sure she would have mentioned any mobility conditions if present).

Obviously there are lots of reasons why someone might choose to drive that distance but that’s not what OP is asking.

CrispEater2000 · 24/06/2024 16:17

Since I started working from home I've always walked to school with DS. I think it's a little under a mile but as much as the exercise, and avoiding the horrible mess that is the roads outside of the school, I really enjoy having a bit of time to walk and chat with him.

A combination of him getting a bit older and some after school childcare issues has meant we've given him more freedom to walk home from school, but a lot of the time he'll still ask me to meet him outside school because he said he likes walking together. How can I refuse a request like that!

YANBU at all and really we all know it would be better if more parents and kids walked to and from school.

PreesHeath · 24/06/2024 16:25

You are doing a great thing by getting them used to walking and building daily activity and outdoor time into their routine. They will be much better equipped for growing independence, have better fitness, stamina, resilience, and road sense. Cutting congestion and air pollution in the area around the school is a bonus too. It's crazy the proportion of peak hour traffic that is attributable to the school run.

PostItInABook · 24/06/2024 16:31

The ones banging on about it being weird/odd to have a conversation with other people about getting to a new school and then accusing the OP of being judgy, pretentious & smug….have a word with yourselves you bitchy mares.

DonttouchthatLarry · 24/06/2024 16:32

My mum used to walk me to school as my dad took our only car to work, then a neighbour would pick me up. My nursery was 0.5 mile walk and primary school was 1 mile. Once in my 30's I told mum I was walking to deliver a birthday card to my auntie who lived near the school - she was horrified I would walk 'all that way! Why don't you drive?' . I reminded her I'd walked that route every day of primary school on my little legs so was pretty sure I could manage it 😆

Runsyd · 24/06/2024 16:35

It's the same way meat eaters can be so weirdly aggressive about vegetarians. You're triggering a guilt response so they go on the attack to defend themselves. It has nothing whatsoever to do with you.

Switcher · 24/06/2024 16:35

There's a reason everybody seems to be overweight I guess!

EndlessTreadmill · 24/06/2024 16:39

I remember reading that kids who walk to school or do exercise before school do better in school than those who just plonk themselves in the car and arrive half asleep.
If he is outdoorsy, and you have all the right gear (and maybe bring a change of shoes if he gets wet feet on the way in the morning), you will be fine!
With bike as the plan B. My kids (primary) have a 25 min bike ride to school (we do it together). We love it.

JADS · 24/06/2024 16:41

It's absolutely crap that you weren't offered the school 0.2 miles from your home, I bet there are people driving to it as well.

My DS2 has walked the same distance to school since he was 3 years old. I do pick him after school in the car as we need to get back for DS1's bus. I hate that DS1 gets a bus to his special school as he was so much fitter when he was at the mainstream school and walking, but there's no much I can do about it, sadly.

HPD76 · 24/06/2024 16:44

My son, now 14 has been driven to school maybe ten times in his whole life, and those are either when he’s been a bit poorly and didn’t want to walk in, or there was a dramatic storm and even with a raincoat he would have been wet and miserable all day. I don’t drive, which probably helps with that. He loves being independent these days and I think a lot of his confidence around that is because we’ve always walked or got public transport, so he always knows how to get home if he needs to.

Not to drip red, but he is autistic and dyspraxic, and took a lot of travel training, but he’s well ahead of his peers in this respect now.

Horsedatives · 24/06/2024 16:52

Where I live schools are oversubscribed and you have to live so close to be in catchment area. Think under a mile.
The number of cars every morning and evening is insane!

Ifthisiswheretheworldisheadingcountmeout · 24/06/2024 16:56

Jaggedbubble · 20/06/2024 06:46

Due to a house move, we had a hard time getting a suitable primary school place for DS in September. Thankfully we've now managed to secure one which is 1.3 miles from our new address.

I have a car but I fully intend on walking to school with him. We currently walk to nursery which is about half the distance, and I love our walks and chats together.

The thing that has really surprised me is the amount of negative reactions from other parents about our plans to walk. 'What about in the winter! What if it's raining! They will be so exhausted!' Some of them so dramatic like I'm commiting an awful act against my DS!

We are an outdoorsy family and have plenty of warm winter gear, decent waterproofs, scooters (with pull along strap if needed) and even a bike with large seat if he's really struggling in the first term.

Also it's a big school with absolutely notorious issues for parking/ driving at school run time so I plan to avoid the stress of that! And I will still have my car if there is an emergency/illness etc, but don't plan to use it otherwise.

AIBU to be a bit miffed at everyone's reactions?

You do you!

TypingoftheDead · 24/06/2024 16:59

I nearly always walked to the first few schools I attended as a young child, though if the weather was bad I think we were driven. If your DS can manage, and it sounds like he can, then it’s all good I think. Especially since you get to avoid the traffic jams that inevitably happen around the school itself.

SaltyGod · 24/06/2024 16:59

It’s certainly a luxury to be able to walk to school. I would if I had the time and/or the commute that allowed it.

My experience of grumpy and exhausted 4yr / 5 and 6yr olds would have me suggest that you might want to consider cycling on the way home at first or when it’s dark and cold and they just want to be at home quickly.

Runnerinthenight · 24/06/2024 17:00

I couldn't have cared less what anyone else thought. I did what suited me, which was drive, because I for many years had two separate drop-offs and I was on my way to work!

Razorwire · 24/06/2024 17:16

Honestly, no one cares what you do.

They are just making conversation.

Yorkshiredolls · 24/06/2024 17:18

And we wonder why there is a childhood obesity problem in this country.

TimPat · 24/06/2024 17:44

NerrSnerr · 20/06/2024 07:14

I've been quite vocal with lots of the school mums / friends etc as our original school was 7 miles from our new address, so lots of people have been checking in with me about if we have managed to find anywhere closer. I've been pretty stressed with it all.
When the whole nursery class is going to big school it tends to be a big topic at the school gates, I'm not just bringing it up out of the blue
.

It's not odd that you've discussed going to the school, it's odd that you've discussed the mode of transport.

'Did you get a new school sorted'
'Yes thank goodness and it's only just over a mile away so we'll be able to walk, so much more convenient'.
I can see how that would come up in conversation fairly naturally.

To answer OP, We walk to and from school 3 out of 5 days a week, days DH and I are both working and it's grandparents doing the school run they drive or take the bus. It's about a mile and not a problem. We are in the minority at our school though many live closer and drive, I'd assume a lot of the time because parents are dropping off en route to work so will have the car anyway.

HideTheCroissants · 24/06/2024 17:45

1.3 miles is a perfectly acceptable walk IMO

Mind you, when my youngest started primary (while I was pregnant), I was told I was “cruel” for having her walk just one mile to and from school and that I’d harm the baby by walking 4 mikes every day.

Utter rot!

Eldest DC loved the walk and the time to chat with me before and after school we’d sometimes take a longer route home through the park and have a play on the swings too. Both my DC walked to and from primary and then a similar distance to and from secondary school. They both walk a lot even now they are adults.

As for the weather - there’s no such thing as bad weather just bad clothing!

Differentstarts · 24/06/2024 17:47

Being able to walk to nursery and school is literally the dream trying to park anywhere near a school is a nightmare

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