Wealth Gap Relationships

[Cristia]

DS is 26, he has started dating a girl who is from an incredibly wealthy family (large property portfolio of million pound + properties), she is 23, she works but in a "for fun" way, lives in a gorgeous 3 bed flat near Hyde park, family home worth I'd imagine many millions in Kensington.
On the flip, DH and I make combined about 50k a year, we live in the north east, never gone to uni etc.
DS went to uni is doing well for himself, been single for a little while so nice to see him happy.

This week we are down seeing him, he has taken the week off and we have been invited to various things, which normally aren't our cup of tea but I told DH to give it a go.
Tonight - A box at the ballet with the girls dad, stepdad, etc. Lovely time, we had dinner first and had met up at there house for something more casual in the afternoon.
Since we got back to the hotel DH is moaning and moaning how the relationship isn't going to work, our son is out of his depth. He is convinced something predatory must be happening as she is gorgeous "rich" girl and why would she be interested in our "common as the come geordie son".
Tomorrow DS is spending the day with just us and DH wants to make it clear that we won't be engaging with the rest of the weeks activities as it "isn't for us" and he should cut his loses with this girl!! The rest of the week isn't exactly offensive in anyway, Ascot on Friday, DS, DD and his girlfriend plus all her friends are going to see Taylor Swift on Saturday (DS girlfriend has paid for a box for all her friends so this is no cost to us), then some Tennis at Queens to finish the week. While it isn't our normal activities I don't think any of them will have 'Plebs stay out sign' !!

The girl and her dad and step dad seem lovely, all very kind and welcoming, I'm looking forward to seeing them again.

DH is still going on about how it is wrong and it can't last, she's just so different. He thinks the 'fancy' activities are just to show off!

Does anyone share his view? AIBU to think he is being delusional and trying to ruin a good thing and DS's happiness for what is basically reverse snobbery!

They're young and in love, DH should chill out.

Having said that he doesn't have to go to any activities he doesn't want to.

He sounds silly. Lots of relationships work where one is better off than the other.
Equally I’d say if he has already agreed to go to these events he should keep his word. The time to pull out was when asked about them not a couple of days before! That would be very rude!

Your DH is jealous as fuck and needs to reign it in. He shouldn't be saying anything about son's relationship either. & if he rudely doesn't want to attend any events at all it's up to him, but you're not his clone and absolutely should not do as he does. He needs to just be quiet and hopefully your son will tell him so. If they get serious and your son distances himself from his own parents and doesn't visit, then you know who's to blame

I think you're right your DH is being a bit reverse snob. Probably he feels a bit insecure? He shouldn't though. Although the girlfriend is very rich, you say you're Geordies? Average salary in Newcastle is about £33K. Your combined income is £50K so assume you're not in serious poverty and are relatively comfortable?

London is very mixed including housing locations. Social housing round the corner or even on the same road as the most expensive properties so it's probably not unusual for people from different backgrounds to meet there.

Sounds like her parents just wanted to make you both feel welcome when you visited but even if they are showing off, your son won't appreciate the suggestion. Don't let your DH's insecurities cause a rift with your son. If DH is really stubborn and refuses to go to anything else, better to say he's not feeling well and can't make it then risk offending the girlfriend's parents and upsetting your son.

Be funny though if the girlfriend's stepdad and dad are bored with the outings and just want to go to the pub 🤣

They may be worried you'd think they were tight if they didn't treat you.

I think it’s ok for your husband to talk to you if he had concerns, up to a point, as long as he doesn’t mention it to your son. If it’s less about real concerns and more about having a chip on his shoulder, I wouldn’t listen for long.

He needs to just accept it, their relationship is none of anyone else’s business really.

In future though, I don’t think your husband has to attend things if he doesn’t want to. Adult kids date, it doesn’t mean you need to socialise with their family.

chances she has a trust set up but you shouldn't be comparing her family portfolio to your portfolio.
both are young university graduates and they have that in common.
so your dh is out of bounds comparing what really is her father's family wealth.

more couples break up over lack of money, most likely she will always have enough and be cared for financially so there will be zero squabbling over spilled wine and buying tenderloin or the increase in fuel prices.

Go without your DH, say he's sick if he insists on not joining in

It's a bit pathetic really

Your DH is being a clod. Wtf does "not for us" even mean??

@Cristia

DH wants to make it clear that we won't be engaging with the rest of the weeks activities as it "isn't for us" and he should cut his loses with this girl!!

He has no right to speak for you here - I'm sure you're more than able to speak for yourself if you want to rather than let him Grinch all over the lovely week planned with/by your son, girlfriend and her family. What a shame his narrow mindedness seems likely to spoil the time with your son.

Also at 26yo your son is more than capable of working out what is and isn't for him.

It's a shame but let your husband go back home if he wants but you enjoy the lovely week that's been planned. 🌹

Enjoy the week, your husband should plaster a smile on and do the Same. Young love is lovely!

Your dh feels insecure, not your son.

Reassure dh that you are fine as you are, and should support ds regardless of whether the relationship lasts. Enjoy the activities and the experience. It’s just money. She is not the pope or god. It’s tennis and a concert.

He's jealous and insecure so wants to pull his son down "back where he belongs". Honestly tell him to grow up and get over himself. You can't snub these people becuase you've decided they're too good for you and your son.

Tell DH to go home and have a great time. What a weird way to behave, and what on earth does he think he is doing meddling in his sons relationships and telling you what you can and cannot do. Is he an 'Anti-Southern" northerner? My uncle is one of these and it's pretty embarrassing.

It would be incredibly to rude to pull out now.

What if this goes all the way to marriage? Your H would be starting off, not on ideal footing if it does. You've both been invited to meet the family. It's lovely of them.

Worst case scenario, their relationship doesn't take off and you've got to enjoy some experiences you wouldn't have had the opportunity to do.

Be yourselves, don't hide or pretend you're something you're not. You dont know where their wealth came from. It could be a combination of luck of birth and hard graft.

My H and I are from completely different backgrounds. Even now, 20yrs on my parents struggle with their money and privilege. Because, they haven't just accepted that my inlaws are who they are. They just made better choices and decisions than my parents did. The inlaws are very down to earth and gained their wealth through hard work and prefer grassroot people. People who work and are real. They aren't into the pomp and pretence but do enjoy the perks it can bring.

H and I are slightly better off than average for South easteners. But are no way as well off as they are and won't ever be.

My oarents are coming from abroad layer this year and are already trying to say they don't want to do x, y and z...they are embarrassed of who they are in comparison and it's so sad. His family have welcomed me and mine in with open arms.

Sometimes, you just have take people at face value.

I’d be encouraging your son to put a ring on it 😀

Is he also being a bit sexist? Would he be as bothered if it was a daughter who was dating a rich man? He needs to get with the times.

Oh please please don’t let your DH express any of these views to your son! How absolutely awful! Your DH should be helping your son feel absolutely proud of where he came from and feel like he can move in any circle he wants and experience all that the world has to offer, rather than be trying to cut him down to size because your DH feels insecure and uncomfortable. Your DH needs to zip it or pretend to be sick and go home. The only thing your son will want from the both of you is that you’re social and kind and make him proud, your DH behaving immaturely and having a big sulk will just be the worst thing ever. Be great company and make him proud!

Your DH needs to put his big man pants on and wipe the chips off his shoulders.
so far you’ve enjoyed their company and they’ve been nothing but gracious company.
So have fun and enjoy it, as you are
leave DH behind if he’s being too curmudgeonly

Send your DH home, tell everyone he's sick and enjoy the rest of your holiday. They are going to great lengths to give you a good time so the least you can do is enjoy it. It's not like it's 1930 and you've turned up in flat caps with roll ups. Your DH is in danger of making a fool of himself.

I think your dh is feeling insecure and intimidated by their wealth and expressing it in a "them" problem rather than a "him" problem. Tbh if he is feeling completely out of his depth and uncomfortable I can understand why he many not want to continue with the activities with a whole host of people he seems to have little in common with and (wrongly) may feel inferior to, but it is his son and his son likes this girls so he should probably try and suck it up and enjoy the experiences. Always good to step out of your comfort zones from time to time

I feel like this exact same scenario has been posted several times, but from the mum not approving / understanding rather than the dad - if you search some previous threads you'll find loads of good advice from posters.

Tbh your DH needs to get over himself, he's letting his insecurity potentially ruin his relationship with his son.

I think your husband is in danger of losing a son if he carry’s on like this

Tell him to shut the fuck up

clearly your son has something that a 23year old girl wants :-)

there was a thing on Facebook where no one could understand why a wealthy independent woman married a poor man with a great education, when he was young he had the moves, and in his late 30s started up a company with her help, and that company is worth way more than she is now.

Your DH is being an insecure twat.

Definitely send your husband home.
He sounds like an awful gobshite.
No way would I allow him to embarras your son by being such a chippy arsehole.
Send him home asap.