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Original poster

To ask how to get my ex back?

79 replies

kethy2 · 19/06/2024 22:09

Please don’t say things like I’d never get back together with my ex. I actually want advice here…

We broke up 12 months ago after being in a long term relationship (just shy of 10 years)

I miss him, like really miss him. I got on with my life and reflected and I made a lot of mistakes. So did he in all honesty, but I’m just as much the culprit.

We have been on and off contact since we broke up. But genuinely in good terms… I wish we did no contact but it’s too late now. He is in a newish relationship but I would like to reconcile. I think currently he is excited for his new connection but I don’t see it working out in the long run ( that’s my honest opinion but I could be totally wrong) I’ve been emotional, one could say clingy since we broke up but only when we saw each other which was maybe every 3 months or so. Much better to keep my emotions on order when I’m not seeing him in person.

the thing is , I love him, I care for him, he is a great guy. He needs to work on things but there is sooo much potential if we could actually work things out. I really do believe in this. Any advice? XXX

OP posts:
user1984778379202 · 19/06/2024 22:10

What stopped you reconciling in the entire year you've been apart?

MrsTartanTeacosy · 19/06/2024 22:16

I tried to go back…after a year apart from husband of ten years…it really, really didn’t work out and I ended up in a Women’s Aid refuge! He’d never been abusive before we broke up. I’d wanted more than anything for my children to have a family, and I believed him when he said he’d changed/his priorities had changed.

Maybe you have rose tinted glasses on? Nostalgia for something when the reality wasn’t quite so dreamy?
If you feel you must try, I suggest you have couples therapy before it gets too deep.?

ElleLeopine · 19/06/2024 22:21

Does he want to get back with you?

Mmmkaay · 19/06/2024 22:22

Why did you split up? Who instigated it? Be brutally honest.

Original poster
kethy2 · 19/06/2024 22:23

user1984778379202 · 19/06/2024 22:10

What stopped you reconciling in the entire year you've been apart?

Not quite sure. Probably (and I’m being very honest here) it was him.

I also wanted to give myself and him some time.

I don’t think it’s rose tinted glasses. He has a lot of faults and would have to put work in, but his good qualities outweigh the bad ones.

I have a lot of faults too and I wish I knew about these before.

I do genuinely believe that we could be a strong couple.

OP posts:
Original poster
kethy2 · 19/06/2024 22:24

ElleLeopine · 19/06/2024 22:21

Does he want to get back with you?

He is currently exploring a new relationship but honestly I don’t see how that will work out.
I’d say it’s exciting for him at the moment, but I know that he is not completely over us.

OP posts:
GracieLee · 19/06/2024 22:25

You need to both believe you can be a strong couple.

finalboss · 19/06/2024 22:25

But you can believe that all you want, it's no good if he doesn't want to get back with you. He's in a new relationship. You would honestly be making a kinder decision for yourself by focusing on moving on.

KreedKafer · 19/06/2024 22:25

You only want him back because he’s met someone else.

Original poster
kethy2 · 19/06/2024 22:26

Mmmkaay · 19/06/2024 22:22

Why did you split up? Who instigated it? Be brutally honest.

I initiated that we either work on it or break up. And he said the last word.

Our main issue was communication. Had we communicated clearly a lot, and I mean a LOT of things would have been different.

OP posts:
TheRussiansAreComing · 19/06/2024 22:26

I think you’re looking at this with rose tinted glasses, but if you really want him back, then fuck him like a porn star. He will melt like butter.
You Will have him then. I just hope it really is everything you want.

Original poster
kethy2 · 19/06/2024 22:27

KreedKafer · 19/06/2024 22:25

You only want him back because he’s met someone else.

No, I always wanted him back. Missed him as soon as we moved out of our home.
But I needed time to think what I really want…

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 19/06/2024 22:27

Respect his decision to move on. You dumped him, after a while he met someone else and now you’re being “clingy”. Don’t embarrass yourself, if he has to choose he’ll probably opt for his girlfriend over his ex.

TheScenicWay · 19/06/2024 22:28

You could be honest and tell him you still have feelings for him. See what he says.

YouAreAllMySymmetry · 19/06/2024 22:28

But he's also had the same thinking time and has found someone else

Mummy2024 · 19/06/2024 22:28

kethy2 · 19/06/2024 22:23

Not quite sure. Probably (and I’m being very honest here) it was him.

I also wanted to give myself and him some time.

I don’t think it’s rose tinted glasses. He has a lot of faults and would have to put work in, but his good qualities outweigh the bad ones.

I have a lot of faults too and I wish I knew about these before.

I do genuinely believe that we could be a strong couple.

Show quote history

So he doesn't Want to get back with you? Sorry OP but you need to accept it and move on. He's met someone else and resisted getting back with you for an entire year before he did.

It's time to move forward with life now, take a holiday socialise with friends

Mmmkaay · 19/06/2024 22:30

kethy2 · 19/06/2024 22:26

I initiated that we either work on it or break up. And he said the last word.

Our main issue was communication. Had we communicated clearly a lot, and I mean a LOT of things would have been different.

Show quote history

That sounds like a lot of hard work tbh. Relationships need work and care and attention but they shouldn't be a slog. Maybe he realised that?

Maddy70 · 19/06/2024 22:35

kethy2 · 19/06/2024 22:24

He is currently exploring a new relationship but honestly I don’t see how that will work out.
I’d say it’s exciting for him at the moment, but I know that he is not completely over us.

Show quote history

Ĥes keeping his options open.

Hes a twat. Its over. Dont get burt even morw

Maddy70 · 19/06/2024 22:36

I misread that.... ignore my last post.
He has moved on. He doesnt feel the same. You will look foolish and get hurt if you continue this

LetsAllOvercomeOurFears · 19/06/2024 22:38

You asked him if he wanted to work on the relationship or end it and he chose to end it.

Sorry OP, he’s not interested. Not really. And is in a new relationship.

The best thing to do is to cut all contact. If you want to make a plea before you do, tell him you love him and want to try again, then do so - a last ditch attempt. But then when he inevitably turns you down, cut contact, and focus on grieving and healing.

You have your own amazing future to get excited about, when you’re ready.

mountaingoatsarehairy · 19/06/2024 22:38

Mate you sound deluded. How could you know that his new relationship isn’t going to work out.

focus on you and your life, making yourself happy and building yourself up.

user1984778379202 · 19/06/2024 22:40

kethy2 · 19/06/2024 22:23

Not quite sure. Probably (and I’m being very honest here) it was him.

I also wanted to give myself and him some time.

I don’t think it’s rose tinted glasses. He has a lot of faults and would have to put work in, but his good qualities outweigh the bad ones.

I have a lot of faults too and I wish I knew about these before.

I do genuinely believe that we could be a strong couple.

Show quote history

So he hasn't wanted to reconcile in the year you've been apart and now he's in a new relationship that he's excited about... do you honestly think he's going to suddenly dump her to get back with you if he hasn't already?

Have you explicitly said "I want us to try again?"

And what if he doesn't want to work on the things you perceive to be faults of his?

FeelinSpendy · 19/06/2024 22:42

You’re saying he has faults and would need to put work in to fix them, but perhaps he doesn’t want to. You think you could have a strong relationship, but only if you both change. And he’s in another relationship. I can’t see how this could work out.

TeaKitten · 19/06/2024 22:46

You waited too long and now he’s with someone else, so do the right thing and leave him alone. If you love him why would you ruin his happiness? Time to move on

DanielGault · 19/06/2024 22:46

FeelinSpendy · 19/06/2024 22:42

You’re saying he has faults and would need to put work in to fix them, but perhaps he doesn’t want to. You think you could have a strong relationship, but only if you both change. And he’s in another relationship. I can’t see how this could work out.

That's putting it much more diplomatically than I would have 😂 OP, it ran it's course for whatever reason, you both seem to have come out of it relatively unscathed so be glad of that. Time to wish him well and move on now. It's your own time you're wasting here, remember that.

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