To ask how to get my ex back?

[kethy2]

Please don’t say things like I’d never get back together with my ex. I actually want advice here…

We broke up 12 months ago after being in a long term relationship (just shy of 10 years)

I miss him, like really miss him. I got on with my life and reflected and I made a lot of mistakes. So did he in all honesty, but I’m just as much the culprit.

We have been on and off contact since we broke up. But genuinely in good terms… I wish we did no contact but it’s too late now. He is in a newish relationship but I would like to reconcile. I think currently he is excited for his new connection but I don’t see it working out in the long run ( that’s my honest opinion but I could be totally wrong) I’ve been emotional, one could say clingy since we broke up but only when we saw each other which was maybe every 3 months or so. Much better to keep my emotions on order when I’m not seeing him in person.

the thing is , I love him, I care for him, he is a great guy. He needs to work on things but there is sooo much potential if we could actually work things out. I really do believe in this. Any advice? XXX

I love that. I'm stealing it

You mentioned twice that he needed to put work in. That is a death sentence for success. You can’t change a person to make a relationship work. There are tiny adjustments a couple can make to improve their personal dynamic, but neither person should need to fundamentally change themselves.

In the kindest possible way, you need to move on.

The most cruel thing you can do to yourself is hang around after a break up to watch someone you still love turn into the person you begged them to be for someone else.

It didn't work, and he didn't think it was worth trying to save. You already have your answer.

Missing someone doesn't mean it's right to reconcile.

Also you say he's got a lot of potential. Don't assume potential is ever going to be fulfilled. You have to examine the here and now.

I think if he really wanted to be with you, he'd be talking to you, wanting to see you and progress things.

You should start dating other people. Go for it. You might meet someone who doesn't have potential but who is right for you here and now.

Look forward.