To ask how to get my ex back?

[kethy2]

Please don’t say things like I’d never get back together with my ex. I actually want advice here…

We broke up 12 months ago after being in a long term relationship (just shy of 10 years)

I miss him, like really miss him. I got on with my life and reflected and I made a lot of mistakes. So did he in all honesty, but I’m just as much the culprit.

We have been on and off contact since we broke up. But genuinely in good terms… I wish we did no contact but it’s too late now. He is in a newish relationship but I would like to reconcile. I think currently he is excited for his new connection but I don’t see it working out in the long run ( that’s my honest opinion but I could be totally wrong) I’ve been emotional, one could say clingy since we broke up but only when we saw each other which was maybe every 3 months or so. Much better to keep my emotions on order when I’m not seeing him in person.

the thing is , I love him, I care for him, he is a great guy. He needs to work on things but there is sooo much potential if we could actually work things out. I really do believe in this. Any advice? XXX

Why don't you think his new relationship will work out?

You’ve been separated a year and he’s seeing someone else. There are no ‘tricks’ or ‘tips’ people can give you. You could tell him how you feel and see what he says. Otherwise, time to move on.

He is with someone else, move on.

Tell him how you feel. If he doesn't want to get back with you after that then you have no choice but to move on. There's no point fixating on his new relationship and hoping it will fail. You can't control his actions, only your own. Before telling him how you feel, seriously consider what you think his likely reaction will be because it could could leave you feeling worse. Then you need to make steps to move on.

Thank you for this x

Honestly? It’s been a year. I think you need to go cold turkey (something you probably should have done a long time ago) and you give your mind and emotions a chance to recover. He’s with someone else now and excited. Maybe it won’t last, maybe it will. Either way, don’t be hanging around like a dog at the table hoping for a titbit. Free yourself up or your own exciting new future!

I think, given everything that's happened, you need to let go. Cut all contact and learn from things you've said you need to work on about yourself. If you truly love him, you shouldn't begrudge the chance of happiness with his new partner. It may or may not work out for them, but telling him how you feel when he's in a relationship isn't an option - that's not fair on anyone. There will be someone perfect out there for you - stop musing about the past and look forward to a lovely future with someone else. Easier said than done, I know. But healthier all round.

Lay your cards on the table and then move on if he's not interested. When I say move on I mean no contact in any form and definitely no shagging. It's the only way.

"Exploring a relationship"? He's IN a relationship. Back off.

@TheRussiansAreComing - fuck him like a porn star?😂
Sure, do that, cause that will result in an great relationship all round😅

But you didn’t communicate more clearly.

Bluntly.. woulda coulda shoulda.

Your ‘perfect’ relationship is over and you are in Limerace.

It’s awful, I have sympathy but you need to move on.

I mean they have been seeing each other for 3 months… they had like a handful of dates. I think… I might be wrong but it is still fresh and they are getting to know each other/exploring the relationship.

i don’t think it’s going to work out due to age gap,but it’s just my gut feeling and I know that I could be 100% wrong.

I am not saying that I know things for sure, I’m just saying that ‘I think…’ what I think but totally could be wrong

Unless you're going to dramatically reveal that you have 7 children and a dog together, you need to get your beak out of his life. You're prolonging your own agony here

You need therapy

but you didn't communicate a lot. I think you should begin to move on. He is with someone else. You should respect that. It isn't up to you to decide if his new relationship is going to work or not. There must be someone out there for you.

the only thing you can do is be upfront and offer him another chance. if he says no, you have to woman up and go no contact.

I've been in a situation of waiting around. it only caused me harm in the end.

let your heart heal. this guy is not the only one around. and you can love someone else just as much, maybe more.

How do you know so much about his new relationship?

It sounds a bit like you might be a little too over invested and are getting a bit fixated on it.

Don't you think that it's a bit strange that you have now decided you want to get together again, because he's now no longer single. It's very possibly a case of wanting what you now can't have.

Men are chasers by nature. During this 12 months if he wanted to be with you, you would know it.

He ended the relationship, you’ve not reconciled in a year, he’s now with another woman and happy.

I think it’s time to leave him alone.

Well if you don't tell him how you are feeling you'll always wonder "what if?", so tell him plainly and clearly that you'd like to try again and accept what he says.

Better to be hurt with a No Thanks than wonder endlessly IMO.

You can't get someone back unless that's also what they want.

You could talk to him, tell him how you feel and ask him if he wants to try again.

And respect his answer even if it's no, he is with someone else and isn't interested in being with you again.

It will be a no from him, so do not go there.

He did not want to work on the relationship before, so why would he want to now? You've stayed in touch for a year and he hasn't wanted to try again - and be honest, that's what you have kept in touch with him for. I'm sure he already knows you want to try again, and he's chosen differently.

You need to go fully no contact, because otherwise you are still focussing on him and not on moving on.

From what you've said here he has given you absolutely no sign whatsoever that he wasn't to reconcile. Move on, as he has.

Three months is a decent amount of time to decide whether a relationship is worth pursuing. You said your ex is excited about it too. That bodes well for them, less for you.

The only way you can know for sure if he EVER sees you reconciling is to ask him outright. I fear he'll say no. It doesn't sound like whatever caused your relationship to end in the first place has resolved and he also might not want to change – especially if his new girlfriend doesn't share your view of his faults and accepts him for who he is.

If he says no, you need to accept it and move on with your life.

Takes two to get back together, and he's sending pretty strong singnals he's moved on...

Be kind to yourself, draw a line and move on too. No point on moping on what could've been if you'd stayed together (spoiler alert: if you genuinely were a strong couple, you wouldn't be here now).

I don't think you can 'get him back' he's moved on and is in a new relationship. Men are generally pretty straightforward and if he was interested in getting back together with you, he would have made that obvious. You are setting yourself up for more heartache here OP. You need to cut all contact and get on with your life.