AIBU to try and find a love rat on a dating site.

[Slatkater]

Long story short a very good friend of decades has been sucked in by a narcissistic bastard she met on a dating site. He is abusive and a text book narcissist. He has broken her and she believes everything he says no matter how ridiculous. She has lost her mind. I can’t give too many details because it would be very identifiable but trust me he is bad news and I am very worried for her.

I believe he is still on dating sites (possibly one’s that are for widows), I want to find him but after signing up to couple I realise it’s a long winded process. Is there an easy way to find people on dating sites, like a Right Move for dating that has everything in one place?

Any suggestions gratefully received.

Unless you have the exact profile picture or it is a site where you can filter by radius, I doubt it.

It sounds like an impossible task. Does she know who he is in real life?

Yes, it’s not an online relationship.

What is the plan if you find him?

Yep, she won’t thank you for it.

Google image search, might find some leads?

Look for one on the local 'are we dating the same guy' groups on fb. Post about him anonymously 😎

I know she won’t.

He hunts outside his local area.

Find the are we dating the same guy for the nearest big city, it's likely he will be known there if he's on the sites.

Ok, I’ve joined the one nearest to him, just waiting approval.

Let us know if you find him

Does he live about 80 miles away from her?

Approx 55 miles from her

Wondered if we knew the same nutter.

There's FB groups you can join. Prick Advisor is one that springs to mind.

😂😂😂 he certainly is a prick.

Thinking about it she has lived in two places and yes about 80 miles would be correct.

In the UK?

Yes

Not getting very far. Still waiting for approval on Are we dating the same guy and Prick Advisor no good. ☹️

If she’s willing to hitch her star to a narcissist who has abused and broken her and believes everything he says, I can’t imagine you finding him on dating sites going to change anything. She isn’t happy but she’s not at a point yet where she wants to end things, for whatever reason. I suspect you putting your oar in, as she’ll see it, is just going to alienate her from you.

I'm fully prepared that she won’t be happy with me but I feel I can’t sit back and watch her lose everything (house, money, sanity.) He likes well off widows with property and money.

She isn't the only one trapped in this relationship, you are too.

I don't think that outing him will be effective, she might even think you made the profile to discredit him.
If she gives him everything, will she expect you to pick up the pieces for her? It might be time to clearly state to her where your boundaries are.

That is a good point, I am trapped in the relationship. I think in my head my crazy plan is to catfish him, I know exactly how to hook him in, although whether I would go through with it is another thing.

I have spent many hours listening to her and witnessing her distress when he is in the “Devalue, Discard & Hoovering” phases in the narcissistic cycle.

He’s love bombing her at the moment so everything else has been forgotten. It’s very sad to see as she doesn’t deserve this.