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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask how to give up smoking when I don’t want to?

123 replies

Cadela · 19/06/2024 17:59

I have to stop, I know that. I’m 35, lone parent and my dad died from lung cancer when he was 64.

I KNOW I have to give up. I’ve tried vaping and hypnotherapy and the guilt of smoking when I have a child. Dd is my world and I can’t even stop for her. The guilt and stress is eating me up.

I enjoy it is the problem, I roll cigarettes and it’s the habit of rolling and going outside (and I have tried rolling nothing and still going outside) but I always cave. I feel awful but I don’t want to give up?

How do I get myself out of this mindset and replace the habit with going outside and eating a strawberry or something.

If anyone has struggled please let me know how you did it!

OP posts:
Kingsleadhat · 20/06/2024 07:55

Alan Carr's Easy Way was helpful in changing my mindset about the "power" of addiction. But the most useful thing I read was a psychologist in a magazine feature who said acknowledge that you miss it . Like a bereavement. If you tell yourself you're craving a cigarette then you are allowing for the possibility that you will resolve the craving by caving in. You tell yourself I really miss my roll ups, ride the sadness and it passes. It gets easier as time goes on. I bloody loved smoking and it worked for me . Good luck

Unforgettablefire · 20/06/2024 07:59

Hollybelle83 · 19/06/2024 18:28

I vape and love it. I realise that it isn't ideal but I haven't smoked a cigarette in nearly 4 years and I'm not remotely tempted to. Can't stand the smell of them at all now.

Same here I vape now. I don't miss cigarettes at all and can smell smoke a mile off, I often walk past someone in a supermarket and the smell is so strong I can't believe I smelled like that.

AhBiscuits · 20/06/2024 08:00

I wonder how many extra years of life Allen Carr is responsible for 😊

Brainmalfunction · 20/06/2024 08:03

Xyban (Zyban?) get your GP to prescribe it. Bloody brilliant. I was on the fence about giving up. Knew I should, but didn’t really want to. I loved smoking. I was smoking twenty a day at least. Have been a non-smoker for about 18 years now.

Metempsychosis · 20/06/2024 08:04

alittlehopeisadangerousthing · 19/06/2024 18:20

You really don't want to catch pneumonia as a smoker believe me. And the risks of catching it a far higher for a smoker.

I watched someone I love go through it. She was early 40s and lucky to escape with her life.

When you fancy a fag, think of things like this. Or think of DD trying to cope without her mum.

On the upside, assuming you survive it, a dose of pneumonia during which you're unable to smoke is a great way to kickstart quitting. Worked like a charm for people I know.

itsgettingweird · 20/06/2024 08:07

What sort of vape have you tried?

Many people have had success by finding the right vape for them (electronic pen ones are the ones I hear the most success with) and the right amount of nicotine in the juices.

The people I know who've failed to switch and ultimately give up have used the ready made vapes which apparently just don't give the same "hit". I'm guessing that means same feeling?

UsefulZombie · 20/06/2024 08:10

I quit cold turkey 9 years ago, and I remember the exact feeling you describe - being caught in that awful 'I want to quit but I also want to smoke' feeling. That inbetweeny feeling is the worst thing of the whole experience I think, and it does get better.
It was shit for 3 months, and then it was basically fine. By that point the habits of smoking had been broken. Personally I'd used nicotine replacement with previous attempts and it had kept the 'need nicotine!' feeling going which ultimately led me back to smoking.
Things that worked for me -
Keeping a list of why I had to quit and reading it whenever I had a craving
Celebrating milestones (24 hours, 48 hours, first week etc) with stuff that was important to me - Lush goodies to celebrate my returning sense of smell, new tattoos with money saved etc
Remembering I can never 'just have one' - this had fucked up previous quit attempts

Good luck. I can hardly remember that I used to smoke now! Once you're through the first shit bit it really does get so much easier

Onand · 20/06/2024 08:15

If not for your health or child, do it because it makes you stink like an old man, you’ll always have terrible breath, your skin will have a dullness to it, your hair will be lacklustre. It’s just grim in every possible way.

MinnieCauldwell · 20/06/2024 08:20

I was on nearly 40 a day from my teens till my 50s. For me, I totted up the cost and realised I may never retire if I kept smoking.
I used nicotine lozenges for around 3 months. Very soon after quitting I realised not just how much money I was saving but also the time it took to queue up to buy fags, go somewhere to smoke them, plus the stench in my jome and clothes.

Its worth giving them a try, good luck.

Errors · 20/06/2024 08:22

What do people think about quitting at times of crisis? Should you wait until your life is relatively stable?

iamaMused · 20/06/2024 08:32

Op, I have completed the nhs smoking cessation course and as I've never smoked it gave me a great insight into what happens to your body when you do decide to quit. I have to tell people every day to stop smoking as part of my job so I wanted to be a bit more informed and understanding of the difficulties.
Please visit the smoking cessation website and go to speak to an nhs advisor as they will be able to advise you on what would be the best method to help you as for some people they need patches, others the tablets it all depends on your sensitivity to the nicotine, think the book is a great idea to put you in the best mindset
Best of luck, it's not easy but think of all the ££ and how great you'll feel xx

Cucumberflo · 20/06/2024 08:41

Not the best way to stop smoking but I quit cold turkey about 6 years ago…no intention to quit but I went to a wedding with friends, got absolutely gattered, smoked my head off…the next morning felt so terrible and hungover I couldn’t face a cigarette, left it that day, sparked up the next day and was nearly sick, I think I created an aversion to it that day and tbh I couldn’t be more grateful! I have never smoked another cig since!

Venturini · 20/06/2024 08:43

The Alan Carr book. Truly. Theres a reason its a bestseller.

Milkmani8 · 20/06/2024 08:51

@Cadela It took my other half 6 years to quit nicotine completely. Cigarettes to electronic cigarettes, vaping, nicotine patches, sprays and gum. Finally he has stopped, our son is two. He said he feels better for it and only when stressed does he think about it. I didn’t nag, I did want him to stop and he did it on his own. My dad died of a CPOD related disease last year, he didn’t smoke and lived a healthy life. But watching him being suffocated by his own lungs whilst on a high pressure oxygen machine, wither away to nothing because he couldn’t eat for fear of choking and aspiration of the food going into his lungs. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, it was agony - for 4 years. My mental health is shot from this. He won’t get to see my son grow up or my niece who he didn’t get to meet. Take care of yourself and prioritise your health and your daughters future. Of course people smoke until their 90s and live perfectly fine lives, but they must be in the minority. You know you need to do it, just take the right steps. Like all addiction, you need to take control.

cookiebee · 20/06/2024 08:52

I was forced to give up smoking after 20 years (along with drinking) for medical reasons. I’d had a number of attempts at stopping, including the now classic smoking and vaping at the same time, so you vape then think, il have a real one now, in one continuous nicotine extravaganza 😂.

So many family members have been lost as a result of smoking, but you know what, I still miss it. I’ve never had the dramatic response you see from ex smokers, where they waft their hands frantically and declare how much it stinks, I interestingly still love the smell, it makes me nostalgic for smoking. Smoking in pubs, smoking at Christmas, with family and friends. It’s been there my whole life. The smell of perfume and cigarettes reminds me of my late mum, stale cigarette smoke of warm evenings in pubs, being able to step away and have time to myself outside on a crisp autumn afternoon, but it’s all nostalgia and it’s all lies.

I never seem to remember those times, when you smoke way too much and your chest hurts, when you think, I don’t want this one, but have it anyway. When my breathing started to get very difficult, because the effects of all those years of kicking the can down the road and saying, I have to die of something, I enjoy smoking, the anxiety that causes.

Its fine until it isn’t, both my parents had catastrophic heart attacks because of smoking, all my grandparents died very young because of it, friends and neighbours also, possibly more prevalent in my working class background maybe before anyone says I’m a jinx 😂.

In our heads it’s always the next man who is affected, but it can and will be your turn, it caught up with me at 41 with pancreatitis. I’m still nostalgic for smoking, would still like one, but all good things have to come to an end, so remember the bad parts of it, you can do it!

Section21MyArse · 20/06/2024 08:53

I used nicotine replacement therapy prescribed by my GP. I also joined an online Smoking Cessation group. It took three months and was hard work as I had to break all the habits associated with the rituals of smoking and there was good back up when things got tough. I am now 19 years smoke free. The difference was amazing. And the money saved astronomic! My recommendation is don't do it alone. I would recommend signing up to a local group/smoking cessation programme via the NHS website. Look up 'NHS Stop Smoking Service' or try this link https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/quit-smoking/nhs-stop-smoking-services-help-you-quit/

Close up image of a person offering a helping hand

NHS stop smoking services help you quit

Find out how using an NHS stop smoking service can improve your chances of quitting smoking. Plus, how to contact a stop smoking adviser and what sessions involve.

https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/quit-smoking/nhs-stop-smoking-services-help-you-quit

mybeesarealive · 20/06/2024 08:53

You just have to quit and go cold turkey and use nicotine replacements. It's very difficult, and you will relapse, but it will get easier after the first six months. Take up gaming / knitting / whatever, so you have something new to do with your hands and to distract you in the quiet moments. I started at 15. Quit at 22. But was in my mid 30s before I felt like a real non smoker. Before that I knew I was a smoker who didn't smoke. Like an alcoholic who doesn't drink. If you can be honest with yourself about that, meaning that it's an addiction problem, it helps to maintain your resolve (because you can be proud when you defeat the early cravings).

a222 · 20/06/2024 09:04

mints / boiled sweets / chewing gum to keep your mouth busy and a fidget toy or a hobby like beading or crochet to keep hands busy xx

peebles32 · 20/06/2024 09:04

Do it. Read Allan Carr and do anything to stop. My mum died from COPD from smoking. Watching someone struggling to breathe is horrendous. Now my father has lung cancer! Both diseases from smoking.

BloodyAdultDC · 20/06/2024 09:12

At 35, despite knowing how your dad died I believe it's just too far away for you to comprehend how dying from a smoking related illness actually feels.

I used to teach kids PSHE which included the evils of smoking and what it can lead to. For teenagers (who are, of course, invincible) death is unimaginable. And a smoking-related death just so far beyond their comprehension.

A different tactic would be to figure out the day to day cost. I know roll-ups are cheaper, but how much - EXACTLY - are you spending on smoking? Let's say it's £20 a week. In a year (so, a really short timeframe to be effective) you could save £1040. That's a bloody good weekend away for you and your dc. In 2 years that's a fortnight somewhere sunny. In 5 years that's a decent chunk of cash. Save it. Make a plan for it. Enlist your DC to watch the money stacking up each month.

Cadela · 20/06/2024 09:19

Fuck me I’ve just worked out monthly I spend £180 on cigarettes 😳 That is absolutely outrageous. £2k a year to kill myself.

Im going to start putting that money aside and take Dd away every year for a bloody lovely holiday.

OP posts:
Lonelycrab · 20/06/2024 09:23

Following as I bloody need to quit but I’m totally the same as the OP😫

Babbahabba · 20/06/2024 09:26

I would advise against vaping- I've found it more addictive than smoking and now have a new habit to quite 🙄

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