To ask how to give up smoking when I don’t want to?

[Cadela]

I have to stop, I know that. I’m 35, lone parent and my dad died from lung cancer when he was 64.

I KNOW I have to give up. I’ve tried vaping and hypnotherapy and the guilt of smoking when I have a child. Dd is my world and I can’t even stop for her. The guilt and stress is eating me up.

I enjoy it is the problem, I roll cigarettes and it’s the habit of rolling and going outside (and I have tried rolling nothing and still going outside) but I always cave. I feel awful but I don’t want to give up?

How do I get myself out of this mindset and replace the habit with going outside and eating a strawberry or something.

If anyone has struggled please let me know how you did it!

You’re all so lovely for taking your time to reply, reading these gives me confidence!

I’ve ordered the book. I did pay for the seminar which said have a cigarette before you come in if you want but I just didn’t go. V annoyed at myself!

I want to get to the point I’m just sick of it and just stop. I know that’s the way I’ll quit. I have adhd so hoping I’ll hyperfocus on that and that will do it. But I do actually need to want to and I don’t know how to get to that point.

This thread shows you really want to stop 🖤My mum and sister both died of lung cancer and various family members had copd/emphysema and they have all been UGLY painful drawn out deaths despite top quality painkillers and oxygen etc. I know you've been through it with your mum too. It's not too late at all for you. My grandad gave up at 50 and lived until his 90s

Sorry your dad*

One of the best pieces of advice I was given when giving up smoking (16 years in December this year!) was 'learn to sit with the feeling'.

Yes, of course you'll want a cigarette at the time and during the initial 30 days and many, MANY times thereafter: it hits me occasionally still, the better part of two decades after stopping.

But it is what it is: the positives outweigh the negatives so much that you just have to learn how to tell your brain 'we're not doing this now, I appreciate that you feel how you feel, but it's not an option, so hush up'.

I know it sounds awful, but you'd be surprised how quickly you move to a state of acceptance.

I tried so many ways over so many years to stop smoking. I tried patches, champix, gum, vapes etc. (I stupidly kept the vapes ON TOP of the bloody smoking) I did get half way through the easy way to stop smoking book and I think it might have worked but then lockdown hit and I stopped reading it. I even watched my father, uncle and grandmother die of lung cancer.
And like what a previous poster said, one day I just decided I'd had enough. I was sick of being a slave to it. I thought back to the book I'd half read and thought how much of it made sense. And I just threw away over half a pack and all my lighters AND all my vapes. (Normally I'd always try and quit at the end of a pack)
Fuck me the early days were hard. I ate so much. I'd start eating biscuits or sweets on waking up. All evening I'd be sucking on minstrels. I put on about 2 stone.
It's now over been 3 years since i quit and while i still consider that early days I don't really miss it most of the time. I'll get the odd day, normally on a nice sunny day in a pub garden, that I'll really miss it. But it doesn't last long. And now I can go weeks without even thinking about it.
Oh one thing I wasn't prepared for was the smoking dreams!!! I still get them now occasionally. I'll be smoking but feel so guilty that I'm doing it! In my dreams I'm panicking and justifying to myself why I'm allowing myself to smoke! It's always such a relief when I wake up and realise I haven't smoked.

I quit 9 years ago and did it cold turkey. IMO there isn't an alternative because the aim is to turn off the dopamine receptors in your brain which using gum or other nicotine replacement isn't going to help. Like a PP said, you don't have to want to give up, just please do it. You will cry and mourn your cigs and you will think about them daily for about a year but it will get easier and you will be sooooo happy you've done it

I committed whole heartedly to vaping, no matter how much and really strong. Then over a few months I lowered the nicotine level, and ultimately switched to nicotine gum. Eventually I phased that out to normal gum. It took me months but I got there eventually. Good luck! You can do it, it's definitely worth it.

I've quit twice.. first time was just after Covid, I'd smoked for 10 years and I'd lost quite a bit of weight during covid so felt like the right by time to improve my health overall. I used the NHS stop smoking service who prescribed me Champix, and then I was also in a FB support group and used an app that tracked my quit days.

I honestly never thought I would pick up a cigarette again, but last year in a weak moment out with friends I had half a cigarette and then that was me done, full time smoker again within a couple of days. I found out I was pregnant earlier this year and have since quit again (but moved onto vapes under the supervision of my midwife) but quite honestly I still do crave a real cigarette sometimes. I'm not sure the feeling will ever leave me. The only thing now though is I would never trust myself to have even a half because I know how quickly I descended last time!

Another one saying Easy Way by Alan Carr.

You can do it. You have to do it sometime!

Another vote for Alan Carr! I read it absentmindedly when I wasn’t even trying to quit (I think it was my housemates?)

I don’t even remember what I read or how it worked, I just remember feeling utterly foolish that I’d ever wanted to smoke and immediately stopped. Never had a craving ever again. That was December 2012!

I was a 30-40 a day smoker. I bloody loved it but like you there came o time I had to give up. I tried everything - cold turkey, hypnotherapy nicotine patches, gum etc. nothing worked for me.
Then I did the Allan Carr 1 day seminar. 20 years on I've never smoked since. And I have never missed it....

Nicotine is an addiction same as any drug and it is really hard to give up. I have a dear friend who died of lung cancer at 44 and my MIL is currently undergoing treatment for lung cancer both were lifetime smokers.

You can only give up if you want to give up if you don't you won't but please imagine this scenario tomorrow you develop a cough, 2 weeks from now still not gone. You go to the doctors and after weeks and months of hanging around you get diagnosed with lung cancer. You endure months, maybe years (if you are lucky) of gruelling treatment. Then comes the day you see your oncologist and he says sorry, no more treatment. Your daughter then faces life alone and as we all know life is tough enough with support let alone without.

You are very fortunate as you have a choice please for your sake and the sake of your daughter make the right choice.

I gave up pre vapes and had smoked for several decades. I used a Nicotine Inhalator (Boots brand) which gave me the hit of having a cigarette with the added bonus that you can use it in non smoking/non vaping places.

For me it was the money! Our financial situation had changed and I did the math and the only way to make it work was to quit. I knew all the health stuff, and I’d quit for three pregnancies but always started again, but it was the money that did it for me in the end.
I also shared my intention to quit with some supportive friends and I think that helped keep me accountable. I used patches for the first few weeks as well. 10+ years now and after that first month I never craved a cigarette again.

There IS a part of you that wants to stop - which is terrified of the health consequences not to mention the cost and the generally increasing social unacceptability of it.

Maybe stop trying to drown that voice out and own it as your own voice instead?

It's your voice after all - not someone else's telling you to stop.

I've given up using different methods in the past all of which have worked - hypnotherapy, Allen Carr, champix and most recently patches and inhalator under supervision form the nurse at the GP.

Every time I've been stopped for several years and each time when the shit has hit the fan I've started again.

Been smoke free for 9 months now and still carry the inhalator at all times but I can't remember the last time I used it. No cravings either.

Go and speak to your GP and do it through the NHS - they will be happy to help and there's no shame in falling of the wagon.

Champix is no longer available to stop smoking so it will be patches or gum but you will have regular support.

I didn't want to give up - it gave me 5 mins peace away from the kids and crap that was going on and allowed me some time just for me. But that was the excuse to keep going and how I justified smoking.

Good luck and you know you can do it

You sound just like my mum. She was a single mum and my best friend, she tried everything to give up smoking but nothing worked. She died of lung cancer at 46, she was terrified and I remember in the hospice one day she said to me one day that she knew she’d end up with lung cancer one day but that she just thought she’d get more time. It may not seen too frightening at 35 that you could die in your 60s but you aren’t guaranteed that long, nobody is. I hope you manage to find a way to quit OP, good luck!

I agree, I really disliked the book while I was reading it, the ra-ra attitude and the obvious braninwashing tactics. I was rolling my eyes throughout.

Then I had the last cigarette as directed, sobbing my heart out for some reason I still don't understand, and haven't touched another one for 20 years. Like you say, magic.

I quit a very long time ago and can't remember what it was that gave me the motivation to, but having now lived through covid and learnt more about what being on a ventilator is like (from reading about other people's experiences), I think that thought alone might give me the push I needed. I can't bear the thought of not being able to breathe properly. Maybe you could watch TV shows or films where people drown or can't breathe for some other reason and keep reminding yourself of the future that awaits you if you keep smoking.

I don't think there is a trick. It's an addiction stopping sucks. It sucks for a long while. I'm 14 years free. Just yesterday I thought I wish I could smoke on Saturday nights. Like out of nowhere just ohh that would be good.

I'm not saying this to put you off. Because stopping smoking has been good in the long run. But don't kid yourself you will find something that makes it easy.
You just have to keep saying no. Then but not by bit you have to say no less and less.

You can do it. Lots and lots of people have given up smoking before. You can do it.

I tried to quit over 10 times before I actually did it.
In the end I just hated the taste and the smell and started to really dislike it.
Like you, I smoked rollies so found it hard when I had nothing to do with my hands.

I just had enough one day and decided that was it. I was breathless all the time and felt like shit so binned all my tobacco and lighters and just refused to buy anymore.
My husband was really supportive and it's now been nearly 9 years since I quit.

I was exactly the same!!!!!

I had to read it a couple of times..... And you continue smoking as you read it, so there's no pressure on you straight away x

Good luck- I was in exactly the same boat as you, it's fantastic when you stop smoking - you'll wish you'd done it years ago!!

I used wellbutrin. Id smoked for over 40 years, quit without any problem within a month of taking the pills. Dh still smokes, its never bothered me being around it or anything. Been 3 years

I sympathise OP. I smoked 2" cigarettes a day for about 20 years and like you, I really enjoyed every one I had. I had had a number of half hearted attempts to stop smoking but when my dad died from a huge heart attack I decided I really had to stop. I decided to try acupuncture and had my final cigarette in the car on my way to my first appointment. I've never touched a cigarette since and the treatment was like switching off a light bulb. After the first treatment, I could barely stay awake for the next day. I mentioned this at my second appointment and the acupuncturist said he would adjust what he had done at the first appointment, and the treatment left me with so much energy that I was scrubbing the kitchen floor at 3 am 😆😆. I had three treatments in total and have never had a serious craving for a cigarette in the 30 years since, despite my husband continuing to smoke for several years after I stopped. But I still love the smell when I pass a person smoking in the street.

The treatment seemed expensive at the time but it ended up being the best value for money ever.

I quit 17 years ago by using patches and lozenges for the first two weeks, and then just using lozenges. I still use nicotine lozenges or gum sometimes which probably isn't great, but much better than smoking! I watched both my parents and my ex-DH die from COPD, and I now have the very early stages of the disease. I wish you good luck!