Aibu for not wanting to discuss my mental health with health visitor?

[PinkCritic]

Name change as outing.

I have my Health Visitor coming as I'm struggling with getting the baby sleeping/I'm struggling with lack of sleep.

I was under the care of Perinatal mental health but discharged when baby was 4 months old.

The Health Visitor starts to say stuff about my mental health and sleep etc and I just think she's not qualified to. For example she says I should be on anti depressants, various reasons why they've not worked and I don't see how she's qualified to say anything other than say speak to your GP.

To be clear I've had long term support from Perinatal, not sure why they've discharged as I don't think my mental health is really stable but they have discharged back to GP to refer to another service.

Health visitor is a bit judgmental as she always thinks she knows best. For example I'm such a night owl and my night sleep at 2am and up at 9am is ny natural rhythm. I'm in bed at 10pm and still not sleeping etc. my natural rhythm is that time. She just thinks I need to go to bed earlier lol.

Anyway how do I handle her as I have to see her and no doubt it will be - take your fucking medication talk. You have post natal depression.

Sorry not RTFT, but OP,
"I feel that I'm doing OK without medication, I think that there are side affects to the medication that outweigh the positives, but myself, and my support network consisting of partner/mum/friends are all aware of the signs I may need to restart medication and it has been discussed that if I do not seem self aware enough to notice, those trusted around me will encourage me to seek help as I need. The services I could use are, to contact my GP, refer myself to MH services (some areas allow this, some dont) or in emergency I would call 111 option 2.

But honestly, it really isn't needed at the moment, thank you for the support though"

I had a similar discussion when I had my second child.
HV was great though

From your original post and updates it sounds like you're struggling and need support, your health visitor is there to help you, if you're unable to care for your baby, you need to get support, a GP will prescribe you medication and refer you to the relevant specialist but they won't visit you at home and give practical help, a health visitor will do that, so don't make an enemy of this woman. They are trained in spotting PND and helping women through it.

It's part of her job and she's within her rights to ask. Your mental health is very important, because you matter just as much as baby.

However, you are a presumably capacitous adult, which means you can weigh up information, communicate a decision, and make an informed choice. You are within your rights to tell her if you don't want to talk about it. A simple 'I do struggle sometimes, but I have support from my family/GP/other services and it's under control. I don't really want to talk about it anymore, but I'll let you know if things get worse for me' or something along those lines might reassure her. She will probably need to keep asking as it's part of her job, but you can tell her nothing has changed.

Obviously if you are struggling, it might be worth talking to your health visitor.

I can hear it’s upsetting you that she keeps asking about medication

Can you say to her that the GP has taken a decision on that, and for now it’s been decided that you are not taking ADs. She is most welcome to speak to the doctor to check.

I would follow that by thanking her for her support and try and mean it op. She is there to help you and your baby.

You can help yourself by reading in bed at 10pm and trying to get some more sleep.

They are doing their best to keep you safe as annoying as it is.

I feel you.

I tried to get the advice of my HV and nope. Wouldn’t ever recommend it. Stupid I know.

my daughter needed to see a dr and the receptionist told me she didn’t need an emergency appointment. I asked her for her previous medical degree that could make that assumption without seeing her

@ByCupidStunt I think that's irresponsible advice. OP previously required MH support, doesn't feel she's stable and you recommend she doesn't discuss it with a healthcare professional whose role is to support her to meet her baby's needs?

Also just tell her you've discussed meds with GP/perinatal and that you've made an informed choice and understand the risks Vs benefits, and that you don't want them right now, but you know where to go if you change your mind!

Tell her "it's all in hand, thank you. So my baby is feeding well, I'm thinking xyz regards to weaning. Any advice on that?"

Health visitors are horrible at best and negligent at worst. One advised me to wean my son at 6 weeks old. It made him very ill.

I don't trust any of them. Just nod and then say you have an appointment so have to dash.

Same here, mine was amazing, and also advocated for me

Remember she is there to give you more information so that you can make the choice that is best for you. As with any HCP you always retain the right to decline her suggestions/follow their advice.

Hopefully she is supporting rather than judging you.

Of course HVs support maternal mental health….it’s one of the high impact areas of the Healthy Child Programme which HVs deliver

DId she? ….Aye 🙄

Why make a post and then snarl at everyone who tries to give you advice?

It is her job to be concerned about any signs of depression or other mental health problem. You yourself say your mental health is not stable.so there is cause for concern and shouldn't just be ignored.

ewan the dream sheep, a walk in the night air and lavender baby bath.

Well it’s literally part of her job, and for many many women, such poor sleep will have a HUGE impact on their mental health and contribute to PND.

If you need her standard spiel and wellbeing checks to be specially tailored not to upset the giant elephant in the room, then that suggests there may actually be a problem that needs dealing with.

Engaging with this woman might be useful, she might be able to get you review by perinatal psych again if you feel that their involvement has ended too soon.

You need some sleep away from the baby - is there anyone that could help op?

I wonder if there is a different qualification for HV in different places. Because I've never met one who didn't give me terrible or out of date advice, eg with my newborn only let her feed 5 min from each boob, or with an older baby don't let them hold their weight on their legs. Neither have I met one who listened to what I was actually saying not what she thought I was saying. I would bloody love to meet one of these professional, helpful and effective HV people talk about on here. Community midwives, on the other hand - never met a bad one.

It's also the case that if you use mental health services it's like open season on you and everything you say is further proof of your mental ill health, but that means you probably do need to engage with the HV. 'I am seeing the GP' should do it and if not just agree until she's gone.

@PinkCritic

I think you can just stick to a script if she ask you about your MH…

“Thanks for asking I’m working with my GP and will raise any issues with them. I’d like to focus on my questions about baby today with our visit… when should I expect X to start eating solids”

Also FWIW I agree with you they should stay in their lane if you are already under care with a specialist or your GP.

When you were under the specialist team -I'd have just stated that you were under the specialists team and following their advice to the letter - anything counter to existing advice -remind under specialist service and ask if she was really asking you to ignore their specialist advice.

As now you are under the GP and not feeling stable - it's possible you need to seek further help and in some areas HV can help access that.

Though I do have some sympathy - HV was asking about my mental health and contractive choice really trying to quiz me in front of my Mother, a random other woman and her baby being seen by a colleague and and entire waiting room of strangers - my Mum did the do you really think this is the appropriate setting for some confidential and sensitive topics and looked round the HV did stop then. Mum was only there because HV kept trying to insist I had PND base on us moving house apparently I must have pnd - everyone else including GP and immediate family and people who saw me regularly agreed with me I was fine.

If she asks about your mental health, just tell her it’s being addressed by the GP and is hand. Tell her you’d appreciate her help with the baby’s issues.

That’s it. I don’t see what the problem is.

Quite a sweeping statement, have you met all health visitors?

I know a few people, my SIL included who are incredibly thankful for the MH support received from their health visitors. Both of mine were lovely.

Anyway OP being totally honest if you appear to your HV they way you are appearing on this thread then it’s no wonder she might be concerned about your MH and how this affects your baby, which is her job that, despite your assertions, she is trained for. You just saying she isn’t educated makes you seem a bit unhinged as HV’s are highly trained and work closely with a number of other professionals, GP’s and MH teams included, to ensure that both mothers and babies are well cared for.

Haven't read through all the posts however it sounds like she is looking out for you, if you are suffering with pnd and you also have a lack of sleep because of baby it can make you a lot worst.

It really isn't outing.

I genuinely believe my HV saved my life. I was misdiagnosed with PND by a GP, the HV spotted that I was actually suffering from PTSD (later confirmed by a Consultant Psychiatrist, who saw me for an urgent appointment at the HV's insistence) which is why my treatment wasn't working. She was wonderful.

I now frequently work alongside HV's as I work with children and families in a Safeguarding role. In ever profession there are bound to be varying degrees of competence but I have met some really knowledgeable HV's who have been instrumental in improving circumstances of some very complex families. I don't agree with those on MN who say they are all useless.

By the way, OP I know quite a few Mental Health Nurses who have become Health Visitors. She may well be very knowledgeable and experienced in MH issues. All HV, regardless of their background or previous specialism, are qualified Nurses who have undergone additional postgraduate training (usually to Masters level) in public health to become HV. There is a lot of assumption on MN that they are not 'real' HCP's but they are often very experienced. HV's have a remit to monitor the health of babies and Mothers, and Maternal MH is very much part of that remit. So you don't necessarily have to agree with your HV but you are wrong to think that she has no business asking about your MH, she's just doing her job. You don't have to take her advice of course, but your OP and subsequent posts do suggest she may have valid reasons for being concerned.