Aibu for not wanting to discuss my mental health with health visitor?

[PinkCritic]

Name change as outing.

I have my Health Visitor coming as I'm struggling with getting the baby sleeping/I'm struggling with lack of sleep.

I was under the care of Perinatal mental health but discharged when baby was 4 months old.

The Health Visitor starts to say stuff about my mental health and sleep etc and I just think she's not qualified to. For example she says I should be on anti depressants, various reasons why they've not worked and I don't see how she's qualified to say anything other than say speak to your GP.

To be clear I've had long term support from Perinatal, not sure why they've discharged as I don't think my mental health is really stable but they have discharged back to GP to refer to another service.

Health visitor is a bit judgmental as she always thinks she knows best. For example I'm such a night owl and my night sleep at 2am and up at 9am is ny natural rhythm. I'm in bed at 10pm and still not sleeping etc. my natural rhythm is that time. She just thinks I need to go to bed earlier lol.

Anyway how do I handle her as I have to see her and no doubt it will be - take your fucking medication talk. You have post natal depression.

It's because the mum is doing too much and not being supported.

What type of support do you need, @PinkCritic ? Could you explain that to your HV so that she better understands what you actually do need(rather than repeatedly telling you to take AD’s)?

I’m sorry you’re struggling. Are you sure it’s not just cross purposes here?

Lots of people refuse to take meds having not tried them. Lots of people won’t seek help as “it’ll get better on its own”. It’s hard to tell if you’re that kind of person or someone who is just exploring other avenues like talking therapy. I would guess that the first type of person is much more likely so it is better for her to mention it.

Just be honest. “I’m under the care of the GP and I don’t want to talk about it with anyone else”. She knows that your not just burying your head in the sand and doesn’t have to worry as the only front line staff that you might see for a while that you are unsupported and you get left alone.

She doesn't keep on raising it
... I've not seen her for months. She sawe up until six weeks which is when I was most tired and obviously keeping myself up for her appointment

The health visitor doesn't support the mothers mental health. I was discharged back to the GP.

If you haven't seen her for moths, why the sudden need to post about it?

Promoting a mother's MH is part of her role, surely?

Did you tell her you're a night owl and that you're already under a MH team, etc when she gave you advice that didn't apply to you?

If she doesn't understand the bigger picture when it comes to your lifestyle/medical history, it makes sense to explain where she's missing information, so she can adjust her advice accordingly.

But OP isn't getting support from the Perinatal team. They've discharged her, and OP thinks her mental health isn't really stable.

Could you ask to see a different hv? Sounds like you two have clashed a bit. My hv never pushed on my mh issues after me confirming I didn't need extra help from her.

She knows I'm under the care of Perinatal so she should be asking - are Perinatal supporting you ok.
She wasn't supportive when I raised issues with being tired and lack of appetite other than all mums have it, just how things are now.

It sounds as if the health visitor is trying to help or establish whether you need additional help. You feel you don't need that help but sometimes we can't always see if we do.

I agree that she shouldn't be telling you advice that runs counter to what specialists have told you but is that what she's done? Or has she said that you should take the medication that's prescribed.

I'm not suggesting all health visitors are amazing and without fault but it would be remiss of her to not reference or discuss your mental health it sounds like. Whether she's doing that in quite the right way I don't know. Have you tried saying that you have discussed this with GP and x y z. Because I completely get you don't want to give your whole medical history here but it does sound confusing and she is probably trying to establish where you are currently.and what advice you are (or aren't following) so she can keep you and your baby safe

@Catza I don’t get it either!

If you haven’t seen the HV for months, what’s the problem?

I don't think it's stable? Errrrr what.

Last time I saw HV I was under the care of Perinatal. As I've written I've been referred to another service.

Have to see her this week

I'm so confused, it says you're discharged from peri care now it says you're under their care...

You don't have to tell her anything, but she is probably more qualified than you think, health visitors need a nursing or midwifery degree first then they do their actual health visiting qualification.

No she just comes out with blanket statements like "you need antidepressants" or "go to bed earlier". She will spend a couple of minutes at my house, make sweeping comments and leave. No follow up etc.

Cancel the appointment then.
They aren't compulsory.

I can tolerate her visit just if I know what to say.... I need advice about baby so hopefully she will stick to that

That might be a reason for you not to be on THAT antidepressant, but it doesn't mean there's not also a potential need for a DIFFERENT antidepressants or other mental health support.

I need help with an issue

This was the fourth one I tried . . And this one made me aggressive, others made me paranoid and attempt suicide.... So yes my psychiatrist said no more and GP isn't allowed to prescribe.

The thing is there are no magic bullets to get babies to sleep more neither are there facilities to give new mothers extra support if by that you mean time away from the baby to sleep etc. as a society we expect new mothers to manage the early weeks with whatever support happens to be available. Would it be great if a nursery nurse cared for the baby every afternoon so the mum could sleep but there would be a national outcry at the cost to the taxpayers.

Yabu.

She is HV for baby and mother, not just baby. She’s trying to do the best she can in her role.

You are sounding very defensive and aggressive in your posts. If you are like that in person she could be concerned.

You can politely say “thanks for your concern but I’m being well supported regarding my mental health by my GP/psychiatrist/therapist/whoever”. It needn’t be in any way a disagreement.

You can also decline HV involvement altogether you want, it’s not compulsory.

Why are you seeing her? I didn't bother with mine after some truly appalling mental health "advice".
She told me feeling suicidal was a "phase" that I'd be "over" in a few days.

Just tell her that op. If she brings up your mh etc.. Just say something like.. I'm already under the care of GP regarding that, could you help me with xyz with my baby please.