Aibu for not wanting to discuss my mental health with health visitor?

[PinkCritic]

Name change as outing.

I have my Health Visitor coming as I'm struggling with getting the baby sleeping/I'm struggling with lack of sleep.

I was under the care of Perinatal mental health but discharged when baby was 4 months old.

The Health Visitor starts to say stuff about my mental health and sleep etc and I just think she's not qualified to. For example she says I should be on anti depressants, various reasons why they've not worked and I don't see how she's qualified to say anything other than say speak to your GP.

To be clear I've had long term support from Perinatal, not sure why they've discharged as I don't think my mental health is really stable but they have discharged back to GP to refer to another service.

Health visitor is a bit judgmental as she always thinks she knows best. For example I'm such a night owl and my night sleep at 2am and up at 9am is ny natural rhythm. I'm in bed at 10pm and still not sleeping etc. my natural rhythm is that time. She just thinks I need to go to bed earlier lol.

Anyway how do I handle her as I have to see her and no doubt it will be - take your fucking medication talk. You have post natal depression.

@PinkCritic is there a drop in HV service where you live?
Where you will see one who is part of a team rather than this specific one.
Are you a single parent? If not could the baby's dad do the appointment - if the issue is about the baby and not you.
He can ask for the advice you need for the baby.
(or your mum do the appointment?)

Yeah will be over in a few days...... Ffs stupid advice.

I need help with baby over an issue.

No dad. I called them and they want to do a home visit. Prob because I was sounding upset, I'm a bit of a crier lol

From reading your posts, unless I’m missing something, you’re not under the care of a mental health professional. You’re under the care of a GP, who can’t prescribe you antidepressants.

I get the impression you need to be back under the care of MH professionals. Please consider asking your HV or GP for a referral, to get additional support. Additional support isn’t just medication.

OP, you say in several places you're under the care of the perinatal team, but in other places you say they've discharged you. You say you're under the care of your GP but also say he's just refered you too another team.

Are you currently having any ongoing care from any mental health team? Or any professional support if you've said you don't think your mental health is stable?

Whether she's right or wrong doesn't really matter, it's whether you're getting adequat support NOW. Not before baby was born, not further down the line, but CURRENTLY.

@PinkCritic if there is a community drop in service maybe ring them back and say the arranged appointment is no longer needed and take baby to the drop in instead.
If the dad isn't around do you have any support from other family members?

It sounds like she is concerned and trying to gauge whether you need to be referred back to the perinatal health team, or to another support team. GPs are absolutely overloaded atm and, to be fair they get even less training in maternal health than the HV. Safeguarding of both mother and baby is a huge part of the HV's job. If you are convinced that being discharged from the perinatal team is the best thing for you and that the support from your GP is enough, then just reassure the HV of that fact.
She has given you standard advice regarding sleep. If your sleep pattern is unusual you can explain that to her and discuss other options.

Ok. Next question, why is it so bad that she comments? She comes in, she helps she comments, she leaves. Does it make you feel scared? Angry? Upset? Why does that set of actions have you so worried?

Not being sarcastic btw, I’m asking as I’m not sure from what you’ve said you know why.

You're worrying about something that hasn't even happened yet based on a comment she made months ago when you were under a completely different set of circumstances.

If she brings up your mental health during her upcoming visit "I'm currently working with my GP on that, thank you." and that's it. You seem to be preparing yourself for an interrogation from her which is unlikely to even happen. "My sleep is fine, I have been discharged by Peri and am currently under the care of my GP who has no immediate concerns.". That's all she needs to know. If she brings up taking medication just repeat "I am taking advice from my GP regarding that currently, thank you."

You said yourself in your opening post that you don't think your mental health is stable.

Just say "my gp is supporting me thank you. I will let you know if I need any further support "

If you feel uncomfortable you can request another hv.

Being referred to another service is all well and good, but referrals take a while, and I think the (growing!) concern is for you NOW before that referral is processed and get assessed. It could be weeks. I would expect the HV would be to fast track you to perinatal or post natal services. You seem very angry and agitated, and perhaps you're not realising you're slipping back to MH difficulties again. I know I always recognise my slippery slope when I start to get irritated and at the end of my tether with anything and everything.

Sounds like you are going through a tough time. What was the advice you needed about baby? Maybe we can help in the meantime whilst you sort out professional support x

I agree with @Hb7x3. Focus on the particular question(s) that you have.

If her visits are quick anyway, you can get your question answered and get her out of the door.

You do know there are many different types of anti depressants don't you?

FWIW many years ago after giving birth to DD2 I almost threw myself under an incoming bus. When I went to my GP she put me back on the Pill rather than anti depressants and I was much better as a result.

Pregnancy plays havoc with our hormones :-(

Your health visitor has responsibility for both you and your baby's well being.

You don't have to tell her anything if you don't want to.

However, even just in this post you do sound like you are struggling with mental health, and it's reasonable for a health visitor, whose role is to make sure you and the baby are both doing OK, to suggest things that might help, including medication. You don't have to take her advice, but it would be remiss of her not to give it to you - it's literally her job.

I’ve edited my original post as reading more of what you have shared it sounds really reasonable, as it’s part of her job. BUT if you don’t feel comfortable talking to her, definitely connect with another health professional. She may be able to help speed up a referral for you.

Mine gave me a form to fill out to assess my anxiety two weeks after the birth of my first baby: one of the questions was how I was sleeping and how tired I felt, she couldn’t understand why I was so amused. I asked why they don’t have a form tailored for new mother’s as the sleep questions are just stupid.

I know you are trying to help but you are also now coming across as you know better than OP’s psychiatrist? Why the obsession with her taking the drugs rather than trying anything else?

I suspect this is example of what OP is trying to avoid. It must be exhausting and frustrating to constantly defend your treatment plan when everyone is telling you it’s wrong and implying that your stupid.

What about saying "I'm so glad you're able to help me get back into perinatal mental health support"

Of course a mother's mental health is a relevant conversation for a health visitor to have with them. Either she's not away of your history/current situation in which case it is responsible of her to ask, or she is in which case it is responsible of her to ask.

When i last saw a HV (just to weigh my baby) she asked about my mental health and I said yes I've been finding it hard but I was jn contact with the perinatal mental health team and happy with the support I was getting. No further conversation required. But from your post it sounds as though you are struggling and no longer happy with the support you are getting.

The HV will see tonnes of new mums, and unless she goes around suggesting every new mum has PND. I would take her seriously.
Its not just about you, it’s also about depression now potential affecting your bond with your beautiful baby.
I don’t really understand why you’re criticising a health professional for doing their job. The animosity you’re expressing is going to make her worry about you even more.

I am not trying to do any such thing just informing about my own experience but thanks for your unhelpful comment. Psychiatrists are not experts in hormones! Anyhow the issue for the OP is her relationship with her health visitor so let's leave it at that.

@blackcherryconserve

“You do know there are many different types of anti depressants don't you?”

I understand that you’re finding the HV’s involvement intrusive, but the sleep deprivation issue you are seeing her about is very likely to be having an impact on your mental health, especially as you said yourself that you don’t think you are stable at the moment. Therefore, I would fully expect her to ask about your mental health as it is relevant to the issue you are seeing her about. It doesn’t sound like you have gelled with her and that’s fine, we can’t all get on with everyone, but it seems you are taking her line of questioning as a personal attack rather than seeing it as her trying to help you resolve the issue.

It’s unclear from your posts whether you are or aren’t under the care of the perinatal MH team or your own GP/other MH services so I imagine there are some crossed wires with your HV too. If you feel the issue might be with this particular HV and that you don’t feel comfortable with her asking you about your MH, you can request to see a different one, but I would just be as honest as you can about whatever you are struggling with and try and see that they are on your side and that their goal is to make sure that you and your baby are safe, happy and healthy.

You do t have to see her at all. It’s totally optional.

She has a duty to make sure your baby is safe.
If you have nothing to hide you have nothing to fear.