Aibu for not wanting to discuss my mental health with health visitor?

[PinkCritic]

Name change as outing.

I have my Health Visitor coming as I'm struggling with getting the baby sleeping/I'm struggling with lack of sleep.

I was under the care of Perinatal mental health but discharged when baby was 4 months old.

The Health Visitor starts to say stuff about my mental health and sleep etc and I just think she's not qualified to. For example she says I should be on anti depressants, various reasons why they've not worked and I don't see how she's qualified to say anything other than say speak to your GP.

To be clear I've had long term support from Perinatal, not sure why they've discharged as I don't think my mental health is really stable but they have discharged back to GP to refer to another service.

Health visitor is a bit judgmental as she always thinks she knows best. For example I'm such a night owl and my night sleep at 2am and up at 9am is ny natural rhythm. I'm in bed at 10pm and still not sleeping etc. my natural rhythm is that time. She just thinks I need to go to bed earlier lol.

Anyway how do I handle her as I have to see her and no doubt it will be - take your fucking medication talk. You have post natal depression.

Or see the GP of you feel you need more support but I agree, it's not HV territory.

When you are pregnant and have given birth than it can lead to psychosis and obviously mum is career for the baby so extra support has to be provided. Normal depression you can perhaps get signed of from work and recover, with a baby it's lack of sleep and hormones disrupted etc so it's perhaps more immediate help is needed. Plus there is the rejection. And lack of bond with baby which isn't good for their development.

@NuttyNuthatch But she isn’t anymore. It’s very concerning.

I don't believe I said anywhere she was above a psychiatrist. She can still be concerned for your welfare though, and that of your baby.
You are getting quite agitated at the responses though, so in all kindness maybe she can see you're struggling, even if you can't see it yourself. At the end of the day there's a baby involved now so it's not just about you. Please listen to her.

I'm already under the care of the GP after Perinatal mental health discharge....

I was under the care of Perinatal mental health which is a specialist team who are all trained to give support.... So why does she feel the need to come in and make sweeping statements without 1) giving me an assessment 2) lack of education 3) she knew I was under the care of Perinatal.....

Perinatal are intense, it's visits, calls etc, almost daily.

It is though. Part of a HVs training is on maternal mental health.

She's a health visitor for baby

HV's are for mums too.

They are trained and qualified in maternal health.

In the grand scheme of things, what does it really matter? Your babies safety is paramount, your wellbeing is up there too. Any of the comments she has made are only for both of your wellbeing, no one is against you.

Would you like your health visitor to tell you what you need to do with your mental health despite it going against what the professionals state? Shall we just allow all medication services to jump in and make diagnosis and treatment plans with zero knowledge and training? That's what you are suggesting.

She should have signposted me... Which she knows I already am under their care

Then it's easy. Just tell her you are under the care of the GP for your MH issues and that you do not wish to discuss it further. Sometimes, you need to be a bit assertive.

She is trained and qualified to help mums who have post natal depression but not as much as the perinatal mental health people. I found my health visitor really good with lots of things but when you are under the specialist for something then the specialist will almost always be better. I had this when my 4th child was a baby and the hv was going on about how I should change my son's bottles to help with his reflux. He had a cleft lip and palate so we were using the only bottles available that were right for him at the time (I think there are 2 or 3 different ones now). I find saying "the specialist said I should do it this way" or "the specialist told me not to do that" works a treat when said in a pleasant and Non confrontational way. Then if she gets offended ask her advice on something else, even if you don't need it and then be very grateful. I find health visitors are a bit like GP's in that they are not specialist in one thing so they have to know about lots of different things that affect babies and their carers. So they will only know a small amount about each thing. Most of them know this and stop offering advice if they know you see it have seen a specialist.

Her duty of care is to the baby. If she has concerns about your mental health- for example if not taking medication as per doctors recommendations, she will have to act on it.

You seem very hostile. Are you struggling? Why don't you want to discuss it with your HV? If you believe you are already getting the right support then you can tell her that. If she asks how your mental health is you can say you are seeing the GP regularly & keeping on top of things. In the kindest way, you don't seem okay.

Ok because the last time I took an antidepressant I tried to kill myself and also assaulted staff at a supermarket and was very violent.

So perhaps, that's the reason I don't need to be on an antidepressant?

I hear you @PinkCritic . Some of them are real keen to suggest we have PND and should take antidepressants. Which aren’t a cure for the problems some of us face like lack of support and not enough hours in the day for everything we have to do.
I’d just say that I’m already in the care of my GP/consultant for my mental health issues and would prefer to keep my discussions about it with them.

@PinkCritic are you sure you weren't allocated this HV due to being under the perinatal team? That would explain her added interest in your mental health. I had a specific HV allocated to me for this reason and I had a lot more visits from HV compared to the standard on NHS around me.

And you are wondering why she is asking about your mental health? 🙄

No. She's got on idea because she's not my GP, psychiatrist or mental health team..
... Derrrrrrr

If your care is at all joined up, she'll have been told to check in with you about your mental health. She's just doing her job and would probably be in trouble if she didn't ask you.

All you need to say is 'I'm seeing my GP and following their advice'

Ah, if you’re now under your GP’s care, then this is the right response.

Why do you think she keeps raising the issue @PinkCritic? Has anything happened that would make her concerned?

@PinkCritic to add I did request a change in HV after I didn't gel with the first allocated. You are completely in your right to do this, and sounds like it could be a good idea. I would also suggest you strongly push to be seen under the perinatal health team again, it doesn't sound like you should have been discharged. I think you can be referred back for at least 12months post partum and you can be under there care for 2 years if required. I don't find GPs have the same knowledge or level of compassion as the perinatal teams

Exactly. I'm sick of women's lack of support not being recognized and it's because she's not going to enough baby groups, going for a walk with the pram or sleeping when baby sleeps.... It's because the mum is doing too much and not being supported. It's absolutely appalling .

She is asking so she can safeguard the baby!!! Making sure they aren’t at risk.

Productive comments is not the same as comments which agree with you. To be perfectly honest, your story doesn't make much sense. You said you have been discharged from the peri team so you made it sound as though HV is the only support you are currently getting. However, further down you said she made these comments while you were under peri team. So which is it?
If we are talking about historical events which happened while you were under peri then why are you still thinking about it. If we are talking about current events, then are you or are you not under MH team. Because if you are not and your HV is concerned, it is absolutely her job to make sure you are supported and your baby is safe.
Judging by your conduct on this thread, I'd say HV has every right to be concerned.