DS threw bully’s phone in lake

[CandidBeaker]

DS, 13, and his friend were being bullied by some other children in the park yesterday and a girl was filming him having his books thrown on the floor so he grabbed the phone from her and threw it into the lake. She hit him and then they all ran over to the lake and DS and his friend came home.

I received an angry voicemail from her mum this morning demanding that I pay for a replacement. I was fuming. I’m not paying for a new phone when she was the one who caused it herself by joining in harassing my son. It’s called karma. If she thinks I’m buying a new one she can fuck off. AIBU?

Who the hell are the 11% currently saying you’re unreasonable?! I admire your son. Good for him. I hate bullies. They will get their comeuppance. They always do.

I voted YANBU because if what your son says is what actually happened I don't think I'd want to pay either. I think it's worth remembering though that he may have the moral high ground but that doesn't necessarily mean he won't get into any trouble for taking and throwing her phone.

People raising the sort of kids discussed on the ‘teachers leaving in droves’ threads

Killing with ‘kindness’. Not to victims of bullies though.

No, that’s dreadful advice. Really

unlikely the CPS will pursue charges. Needs to meet the 5 conditions of the threshold test . Given the other child filmed & didn’t intervene these parents don’t have a compelling case

I’d start by establishing that. Respond to ask if she knows what happened with heavy implication you do; though don’t accuse her daughter or it will escalate fast. It’s more helpful if she comes back with a bollocks version so you can say well in those circs I would but here’s what really happened…

Block the mother. If she tries to call you again on another number then report her for harassment. Whatever you do, do not pay for a replacement phone for her nasty little bully of a son. What your son did was self defence. Hopefully it will teach the bully that although his parents aren’t prepared to teach him how to be a decent human being, there are consequences when you choose to behave like that.

I would contact the school and go from there. In the meantime I would ensure that my son stays away to prevent further escalation. I would expect the school to safeguard in the instance it started to escalate at school.

Out of interest was she the only one recording? Also if she records this type of stuff then it is likely there are other recordings of similar instances? This may be significant in terms in bolstering your story and supporting your son. Were there other witnesses that can corroborate your son's version of events?

I would be interested to know the other side of the story because under normal circumstances nobody chucks other peoples phones in a lake. So how is the other side being explained?

You really need to get a meeting in school about this, and if he has special needs, with the SENCO present. You need to explain point by point what went on so they have a full picture.
If you don’t, he is going to be very vulnerable there, as the bullies will use their manipulation skills to draw in a lot of other children and he will be vilified and bullied more.

It costs next to nothing really and there were approximately 350,000 applications made last year for money/damages claims so clearly a lot of people think it isn't bonkers.

No but relying on evidence by a bunch of 13 year old kids is though. A judge is going to laugh and throw it out.

With respect you don't know that.

The only fact we know for sure is that it went in the lake. A decision would be made on the basis of the evidence presented which is easier to prove in a civil case.

I'm not saying it would happen. I'm not agreeing that it should. All I'm saying is it's a possibility. It depends on the character of the other parent involved really.

True

The filming was part of the bullying. She knew exactly what she was doing and knew her actions would humiliate him even more because a phone camera was being pointed at him.
In fact, her actions would have meant he faced further humiliation later on too because her stupid video which she created would have been on social media and sent across to people. So yes, she was just as much part of the bullying as everyone else.

You can think what you like. Legally until that child puts the film she took on social media or some other part of the internet, she has not acted illegally. Your child has stolen property which is illegal. Morally I sympathise with your child, but legally, if the mum decided to pursue it through the civil courts, you wouldn't have a leg to stand on.

Laughing and mocking him while filming other people throwing his stuff around would get her a week in isolation at my child's school and she wouldn't have to put it on SM either, that's before the hitting

Kids like that fall over themselves to grass each other up . Its a shame he threw it in the lake really

iPhones are waterproof to 30 meters so it will probably be OK. If you can find it!

Sorry that’s bollocks!

Replace it for a 10 quid one with no recording facilities.

Let's face it.... I highly doubt the mother will report it or take it to civil court.

I doubt the girl was recording to provide evidence.... being a mother of teens... I'm pretty confident it would have been shared far and wide via SM to cause further humiliation to your son 😤 this is why is reaction, although extreme, was to get rid of the handset!

He defended himself! Sounds like that girl will benefit from not having a phone IMO x

Hope that you and your son are ok xx

Do not engage with the mum. It will just make her more unhinged.

Tell the mother you have videos to pass the police of the daughter filming the bullying. You will see they stop but if I were you I would find the videos and contact the police. Your poor son. 😟

Play silly games, you win silly prizes. As someone who was bullied relentlessly in school I wish I'd been brave enough to do something like that.

Obviously a fabricated story.

I'd ignore the call though.

None of us were there so we can't know for sure what happened. I do know a thing or two about the mindset of bullies, and that's if I had felt so threatened that I had to throw someone's phone to get them away from me, they probably wouldn't let me toddle off home after doing so. They would have battered me. I don't think DS is telling the whole truth. I don't understand why he felt emboldened to do such a thing to a girl who was actually a bit of a bystander, but not stick up for himself. Could it not be that he thought it would be funny to throw it, and is trying to get out of what he's done? I'd listen to all sides first because if I were the other parent I'd put a small claims in for the value of the phone. It'd be worth it. I would just end the conversation with the other parent without admitting to anything, if you really don't want to pay it.

Even if his story is 100% true, it doesn't actually justify throwing a phone into the water, though I understand it was likely a split second reaction. As the other parent I wouldn't be impressed - not sure if I would pursue it though. And I'd tell my daughter off.

But if it is systematic bullying, you should get school involved.