To opt out of this insane work practice?

[Acunningruse]

I started a new role 3 months ago. Everyone else in the team has been there for years and they are a very established group (but have been very welcoming to me). I discovered the other day, that the "rule" in the team is that when it is someone's birthday, everyone buys them a card, you write it and send it TO THEIR HOME ADDRESS!

I just cannot get my head around this. There are 12 of us in the team. It is just so wasteful- 11 individual cards and stamps whereas we could just send one- or better yet- give it to them in the office!!! We see each other every week!

The waste is huge not to mention the fact that I can barely remember my own family's birthdays, let alone 11 people I've just met?

These are lovely women and the last thing I want to do is cause offence but I really do not want to participate in this. How can I opt out without causing offence?

To be clear, the OP does not want to do this.

Oh God I could not be on with this. My own family are lucky if they get a card on time, I’m too busy unorganised for this to ever work.

I wonder too if it’s one person who likes getting lots of post. It’s not very environmentally friendly. One card from everyone would be plenty. It going to the home address is excessive. You’re just going to have to brave it out and say you’re too forgetful so will opt out and just wish them a happy birthday in person.

Really odd and twee. I’d have zero interest in getting a card from a colleague.

I’d just pretend to go along with it - they’re not going to report back if one is missing.

its just occurred to me that I would find some of the "make it easier" suggestions more likely to offend than an upfront polite decline to be involved. They are treating the card thing as a sort of dull duty admin thing like sending in meter readings or getting the car mot'ed.

Keep the 12 cards in your desk drawer and write 12 calendar reminders in your Microsoft outlook calendar that it is XYZs birthday tomorrow.

When a reminder pops up, pull a card out write it and stick it in their tray at the end of day.

One card signed by the whole office would be much better but this is a small price to pay to keep these people sweet as you spend a lot of hours a day at work.

this sort of suggestion is exactly what I meant by my post
"its just occurred to me that I would find some of the "make it easier" suggestions more likely to offend than an upfront polite decline to be involved. They are treating the card thing as a sort of dull duty admin thing like sending in meter readings or getting the car mot'ed."

Oh, I thought she just didn’t want to post cards to the individual houses.

I wouldn't want to do this tbh, one of these days they're going to get a person who doesn't want to celebrate their own birthday, and then its going to derail their usual plans.
If they really insist on it, give a card to them in the office. You don't need to divulge your own address. Usually the manager buys a card and people contribute and sign?

Why not send/give them a lottery card instead. Although if they win a million you'll be gutted ! 😫

Quote from the OP
" I really do not want to participate in this."

We also used to have a staff member that opted out of even the company birthday card and refused to even tell anyone when her birthday was. She didn't want cards and didn't want attention and also didn't ever provide cakes, nor did she partake in anyone else's! She did occasionally bring in cakes during the year, but for no reason other than she wanted to.

We were a bit surprised to begin with, but no-one cared in the end, and as the cards came from the office, no-one probably even noticed!

My response would be "I don't post things unless absolutely unavoidable because I don't want to support the crooks that run Royal Mail."

A valid reason to change established practice!

This sounds like my idea of hell. As you mention, it is also incredibly wasteful at a time when companies are meant to be trying to be more sustainable.

I avoid telling anyone in work when my birthday is as I don't want a card, or a fuss.

No advice as to how to get out of it other than there is a chance loads of them are desperate for it to end and you may well end up being the hero who instigates it? Fingers crossed!

“Oh I don’t do cards because of the environmental impact but I’ve sponsored a goat in the Lebanon as my gift to you all!”

This would grate me as well but now I'm in my 40's I go between not caring what people think of me and just knowing when to put up with stuff so that it isn't an issue and instead focus on bigger things aka write and send the card.

Not sure which situation this is tbh! Good luck.

How about, "Eh? You do what for people's birthday's here?!? That's more effort than I go to for my own family. Now, what charity would you like to nominate to receive the money I'd otherwise have spent on a card and postage?"

epic

Utterly ridiculous.

Can you just write all the cards in advance and leave them in your desk, put the dates in your work calendar and you don't have to remember anything anymore. 😁

I think a valid response.

The other could be that you would prefer a donation to charity.

I’ve put you are being unreasonable but only due to my own experience. I once worked somewhere and gave my opinion about gift buying. They turned against me and I wished I’d just kept my mouth shut. Now that’s what I do. I just go with whatever the consensus is. Just do it for an easy life.

But OP has said they are lovely women, so they should be understanding. If they turn against OP for non-compliance, they would not be such lovely women and wouldn’t deserve a card!

If I were you I would 100% opt out, that’s absolutely crazy. PP’s are right, most people will hate doing it and just be going along with it. I had a similar gift-giving situation in my (much smaller) workplace and when I suggested only doing it for ‘big’ birthdays everyone jumped at the chance.

If I were you I’d approach it head on and verbally rather than email. Tell the truth about why you don’t want to take part and that you hope you don’t cause offence (my truth would be I’m terrible at life admin and giving cards is not my love language, so I’m likely to forget and cause even more offence).

For society’s sake please do not perpetuate this by taking part 😂

nah fuck that

personally id write the dates in a dairy and do the card, much easier long term and shows more effort to be part of the team, at least thats how i would do it,