To opt out of this insane work practice?

[Acunningruse]

I started a new role 3 months ago. Everyone else in the team has been there for years and they are a very established group (but have been very welcoming to me). I discovered the other day, that the "rule" in the team is that when it is someone's birthday, everyone buys them a card, you write it and send it TO THEIR HOME ADDRESS!

I just cannot get my head around this. There are 12 of us in the team. It is just so wasteful- 11 individual cards and stamps whereas we could just send one- or better yet- give it to them in the office!!! We see each other every week!

The waste is huge not to mention the fact that I can barely remember my own family's birthdays, let alone 11 people I've just met?

These are lovely women and the last thing I want to do is cause offence but I really do not want to participate in this. How can I opt out without causing offence?

It’s a work team not a social club! Long term it will be harder to get out of and OP will be making it easier for new staff who come after her.

Buy 11 cards. Tesco do some really nice 25p ones we use for school birthdays. Write them all at once and on the envelope in prick as the birthday. Then remove in your calendar and stick it in their in tray. Job done

Please. Make. it. stop.

Can the people telling the OP how to send birthday cards please explain what pleasure is gained from receiving a duty card like this that wouldn't be achieved with a 'Morning Mary, Happy Birthday, are you doing anything nice to celebrate' conversation?

yup, as I posted, its turning it into a life admin duty like sending meter readings and getting an MOT. I think that's more offensive than a polite decline to be involved.

Seems reasonable and kind. I like it. I'd do it. It's only a card and it's a lovely idea. What waste? Money? Paper? But friendship and colleagueship is more than that - and have birthdays posted on a calendar somewhere, so you remember.
It also makes sure a colleague gets some birthday cards, which maybe they do not from outside work friends or family (that's a possibility, you know). See Matthew 25.

Just do it. Be flexible. I say this as someone who rarely sends cards. You'll be an outcast if you don't.

People are saying the cost of a stamp and a card aren't much. It's a bare minimum of £2 a time and there are 11 people to send to. I can think of much better ways of spending £22. Not to mention the absolute environmental waste of sending 11 cards a year with no real thought or sentiment behind them.

Also as other people have said, I don't want my address out there for everyone. Someone said what would your colleagues do with your address - over 30 years ago I was the recipient of many obscene phone calls. Suddenly one day I recognised the voice. It was the very nice avuncular 60+ doorman at my work place who had access to my phone number because I was a safe key holder. I gasped out loud and said "Colin, what on earth are you doing? this is illegal. ' He hung up and the phone calls ended that day. I never saw him again either, He must have resigned.

Being hounded by constant dirty phone calls was bad enough but it could have been even worse if he (or some other predatory wanker) had my address.

I think it's a bit OTT and wasteful, but I'd go along for the sake of a quiet life and 'picking my battles'- PROVIDED that the others accepted my refusal to provide my own birthday or to have it acknowledged in any way. I can't bear to be reminded of my birthday, and want it to be totally ignored and forgotten by everyone and certainly by my work colleagues. I particularly hate the custom that some workplaces have of specifically acknowledging 'big birthdays'.

FWIW, my current workplace doesn't do birthday cards at all. We do leaving/ retirement cards; thank you cards; get well cards; cards for occasions such as weddings- but not birthday cards. So not everyone does.

I think this is a very good get out clause.

It’s all women there though isn’t it?

Exactly. So entirely gratuitous.

can you hear my eyes rolling?

Single sex workplaces often adopt unhealthy dynamics, as evidenced here.

Oh PS I can't see the bit in Matthew 25 which says "you sent me a duty birthday card"? perhaps I am reading the wrong version?

Absolutely agree with you. I go to work to do my job. A man wouldn't do this.

I think it would be nice for someone who doesn't get much mail (and is old enough to care about not getting post on 'special' days).

and again please don't lay this on us oldies!

We don't do birthdays at all or leaving celebrations. We celebrate each person's anniversary hire date, with a big deal for the milestones. As our CEO says, let's reward folks for staying.

Id be "that" person and say no. I dont want my work colleagues knowing my address. Plus I dont want the hassle of buying 12 birthday cards and stamps, writing and then posting them. Im rubbish at that with my family members, deffo not going to want to bother for colleagues.
And its such a waste environmentally as well as the cost.

Yep, the most anti card person I know was born in what I suspect is the same year as you were!

I think its both a faff and a nice idea tbh and I am guessing it started because some people live alone and don't get any other cards or birthday celebrations.
For that reason alone, I'd participate and just chalk it down to a quirk in your otherwise friendly, co-operative team. Getting along with your work colleagues will help you far more in the long run.

Why don't people get it.

I am perfectly capable of buying cards and setting reminders in a calendar.

BUT I DON'T WANT TO.

I think it is a ridiculous idea, intrusive into other people's private lives (sharing private details) and a massive waste of everyone's time and money.

I will be kind by not telling people my opinion, but simply opting out with a 'thanks, but no thanks'

If they don't like that - I don't care

I used to buy cheap ones for the residents when I worked In a care home . I noticed that some sneaky people were adding their signature on to the card instead of buying one !

Buy a pack of birthday cards. Sign your name on 11 of them. Keep them in your desk drawer. When a birthday comes round, write the name on the envelope and stick it in their tray. As 'mental loads' go, it's a pretty light one.

Are you sure they aren’t winding you up op? No one would do this. You bring cards into the office and give it to the person.

we get a group card and all sign it and pay in a few quid for a joint present and give it in the office. In another workplace we used to all pay in two quid a month and on your birthday you would get £40 back. Never worked anywhere where they posted cards when you literally see them in the flesh you only send cards to people you don’t see a lot. I think they are playing a prank