To opt out of this insane work practice?

[Acunningruse]

I started a new role 3 months ago. Everyone else in the team has been there for years and they are a very established group (but have been very welcoming to me). I discovered the other day, that the "rule" in the team is that when it is someone's birthday, everyone buys them a card, you write it and send it TO THEIR HOME ADDRESS!

I just cannot get my head around this. There are 12 of us in the team. It is just so wasteful- 11 individual cards and stamps whereas we could just send one- or better yet- give it to them in the office!!! We see each other every week!

The waste is huge not to mention the fact that I can barely remember my own family's birthdays, let alone 11 people I've just met?

These are lovely women and the last thing I want to do is cause offence but I really do not want to participate in this. How can I opt out without causing offence?

Its my long experience that its perfectly possible to fit in at work (and elsewhere) as much as is neccessary without adopting things you do not want to do.

Are you sure they're not having you on?

Probably the million or so workplaces who do not have this tradition!

The same 'who' as you were invoking when you said cards actually were a nice custom. A random human who has an opinion. That's the whole point. There's no 'actually' here, because this is all a personal call. You don't get to decide your view on whether something has any value is the correct one.

Also, dismissing one thing as pointless doesn't say anything about the value one ascribes to other things. Pretty much everyone thinks some things are important and sees no point in some others. That's a given.

You can buy a multi-pack of generic birthday cards at Amazon for the price of a single card from a shop. In less than an hour you could have an entire years worth signed and addressed. I would wait to stamp until sending just in case the person leaves before their birthday.

this just isn’t worth being the hill to die on when you can sort it really cheaply and quickly.

OP.

Do you work for Royal Mail 👀

This was interesting...the first 100 times it was posted.

😂

This shows what a chore it actually is! You’re not even thinking of the person on their birthday. It might make more sense to send one to a colleague who has left as that shows you remember them.

Are many of them single/older? I'm not sure about the posting bit but the separate cards is nice. Otherwise they might have none.

Card £2 Stamp £1.35 Multiply times 11….havnt got my calculator handy but that’s close on £40 a year? Ridiculous! Especially if you can’t stand the colleague!

I would be telling HR that they are not permitted to share your address with your colleagues and I would not be sharing my address with them either.

I have made some lovely work friends however NONE of them know my address or even where abouts I live within the borough I live

I would also be saying that you that it blurs the lines to be sending things to home addresses

How weird. Most offices would have the secretary or office manager buy a big card, everyone signs it and then maybe a collection. Then office might also supply a cake/ bit of cheap bubbly if your lucky. In my last work we didn't do birthdays at all, as there would've been more than one a week. So too much faff.
Surely you can just say you'd rather not share your home address so any cards received or given by you would be in the office.
A very unusual protocol I must say. Hopefully they won't mind you choosing to slightly bend the 'tradition'.

I would just say no thank you. One of the good things about hybrid working now since Covid is that this sort of rubbish has mainly died out. We had a woman who would literally waste hours trogging around the department getting people to add their names to cards. Meant absolutely nothing. Some people just signed without even writing Happy Birthday. She forgot a couple of people, then some brave person suggested not doing it and it died a death. Now you just send a card to close work colleagues like it should be. One of my friends joined an organization that asked people for a fiver for everyone's birthday. She just said no. She said not to collect for her. I really admired her for that. A number of people said to her later that they hated it. People on here suggesting cakes being a new rule. All this stuff should be voluntary not making people feel like they have to.

Ha ha 😁 yes. They care if it's your birthday and you don't go out and buy them cakes, though! Well that was the culture in my office - your birthday? You go and buy 17 apple turnovers or get your DW to make a traybake.

Did this start during Covid when people were wfh and a bit isolated? If so, it's quite sweet but perhaps you can say now that you're all back in the office how about an (environmentally friendly) drink after work instead?

Yes, it’s all the men’s fault.
Well done for squeezing some man-bashing into your thread. I’m sure it wasn’t easy.

How the fuck is it man bashing to point out that men don't waste their time on ridiculous busy work like this?

don't blame it on us widowed oldies!

I would get a card and leave it on the person's desk. I wouldn't be part of the birthday rule It makes sense to me that work friends give cards/gifts at work where they can be displayed and the birthday celebrated.

OP - please please please update this thread when the Christmas plans are announced! 🌲

Not really. Realistically, I can’t imagine men would do this or anything like it. Well neither would most women. In my office we do a collection and a card for big birthdays which is way more normal, I think. But it’s definitely female staff that organise it.

You could buy them a cupcake or a chocolate bar in lieu of a card, I did this in a small office I worked in as I agree cards are a waste of money, it went down very well, I think you can be a little different and still acknowledge their day. Remembering the dates I can't help you with 😁

You don’t need to “remember 11 birthdays”. We have a list of all the birthdays on our wall at work and just periodically check when the next birthday is coming up.