To opt out of this insane work practice?

[Acunningruse]

I started a new role 3 months ago. Everyone else in the team has been there for years and they are a very established group (but have been very welcoming to me). I discovered the other day, that the "rule" in the team is that when it is someone's birthday, everyone buys them a card, you write it and send it TO THEIR HOME ADDRESS!

I just cannot get my head around this. There are 12 of us in the team. It is just so wasteful- 11 individual cards and stamps whereas we could just send one- or better yet- give it to them in the office!!! We see each other every week!

The waste is huge not to mention the fact that I can barely remember my own family's birthdays, let alone 11 people I've just met?

These are lovely women and the last thing I want to do is cause offence but I really do not want to participate in this. How can I opt out without causing offence?

I think 'keep some cards and stamps in your drawer' is the new cancel the cheque.

Buy 11 cards for £1 each in M&S ans write all eleven. Date in the top left hand corner of the envelope and By hand in the top right. Have them in your desk drawer and set 11 reminders to place them the correct person’s desk the night before (as you leave the office) at the same time buy a pack of Christmas cards in a summer sale somewhere and write an sign them all (but don’t seal incase there’s a strange etiquette about putting something in a Christmas card!). I get it OP, This would not happen if you were working with a group of men, but I read so many posts on here about toxic work places and cliques, so I’m going to say if they are kind and welcoming I would just do it.

Christmas cards got stupid in our office until one year (even pre-Covid) we just said "how about instead of everyone just handing out cards to each other, we put a collection tin in reception and you can put in a donation to charity instead? Less time and money wasted in writing and buying another 20 cards and less in recycling at the end too" We didn't raise a huge amount (about £50 I think) but I didn't realise how nice it would be, halving my Christmas card list!

Hey OP it's X's birthday, we all send a card to their home address: 'We are a paper free household, we don't do cards'

Hey OP what's your address, we all send a card to your home for your birthday: 'Not for me thanks, we're a paper free household'

That's it. Just a no thanks you won't be participating. Repeat as necessary. They waste enough paper between them, no reason for one more to get involved.

Thats the stupidist thing I ever heard. No way am I giving anyone at work my address.

Thanks for proving my point, though I don't think you realised you were doing it 😂

I would point out how unreliable the post can be these day (true in my own life, but I'll spare you the details) and how about hand delivering in the office, to make sure the recipient actually got them?
My last school did something similar to @HiddenBooksat Christmas; one big card on the staff notice board for all to sign, and a collection box for a good cause as we signed it.

I think the OP knows how to buy and write birthday cards. She just doesn't want to.

You sound like the friend of MILs who, on finding out DP and I weren't married, took me aside and went through explaining how I should change this, ie make all the arrangements and then get him to the registry office under false pretences.

The fact that we weren't married because I'm not disadvantaged by us not being (we have no DC and I'm far more financially stable than he is) nor can I be arsed with the admin had gone straight over her head.

Myabe there is one person in the group who "enjoys" getting lots of post on their birthday as it makes them feel important.

That will be your enemy.

Or maybe there is one or more person in the team who doesn't otherwise have anyone to remember her birthday, and having cards arriving at her home makes the day a little bit special for her?

OK not to want to join in the custom, no need to be unpleasant about those who do.

And one member of staff voluntarily giving her home address to another member of staff is not a data protection issue.

I think it's possible to argue there is a team pressure to disclose address here.

And one member of staff voluntarily giving her home address to another member of staff is not a data protection issue.

Of course not. But when it's expected from everyone then it starts to becomes an issue.

I bet this would have been lovely when everyone was 100% remote, especially if people were living and spending their birthday alone, but not sure about it now you are seeing each other weekly. Personally, I'd give it to them in person and can use the £1 you're not spending on a stamp to get them a cookie or something!

I also wonder whether this is a post-covid hangover, and they might actually realise it's a bit crazy if it's nicely pointed out to them?

We have a file on the shared drive with the team addresses, mobile numbers and birthdays on it in my team, which I know would horrify most MNers! It's voluntary and not everyone has filled all all/any of it, but most people do.

That's a lot of pressure to remember a lot of birthdays, especially if staff changes all the time. I'll buy a bulk pack and send them all on Jan 1st and be done with it!

Why do they have to be posted? What is they go missing in the post and looks like you didn't bother?

Witness protection, you can’t divulge your address. Does the company harp on about being green? That’s an out, you are supporting the green policy.

no.....just politely decline.

Saying 'I don't do birthdays cards' is not crapping over people who do them.

If you didn't take on these unnecessary tasks you might be a less busy mummy.

Exactly what I was thinking! Jesus what a faff.. at EVERY school I've ever worked at it has always just been cake & a staff card in the staffroom, now maybe those closer to the colleague might send their own but it's never been something I've done

I did have beautiful flowers & a baby hamper kind of thing sent home to my address after I had my son but I think that's massively different, plus it was a "whole staff" card so only Orla, our secretary who organises these things would need to be aware of my address which she'd already have on file

That's seems made, in our office one person buys a card, gets everyone to sign it and gives it the nominated person. The person whose birthday it brings in cake on their birthday. There are several people who have decided not to take part and no one thinks anything of it

Once you've dismissed any number of things as pointless, there may not be much left...and who decides they are pointless?

Omg that's some commitment to work colleagues. I opted out of doing work collections for birthdays, I definitely wouldn't be posting cards to them!

No, job not done. You then have to remember when everyone’s birthday is, write card, find correct address, write address on envelope, or make up a set of labels(in work time of course), stamp card and take to the post box. Only then is the job done. It’s enough effort for people you actually want to send a card to!

Cant believe how many people expecting OP to go along with it!

Agreed. And when the next new person starts they’ll think you’re into it as well!

But, I get that she’d rather not. My point is, taking half an hour out her entire year to fit in with new colleagues is not the hill to die on if she wants to fit in at work, my second half of my comment acknowledges that it wouldn’t happen in a male environment and i totally appreciate that this is something the OP would rather not have to do. I can reassure you, I am most certainly not like your MIL friend and I was merely offering a solution to what, I would also regard, is an annoying, whilst thoughtful, office tradition. I am a wife, but I certainly don”t send cards to my husband’s side of the family!

I agree. You can pick everything apart if you really want to, but if I discard as worthless the small things you value, and you discard the small things I value, are we really better off? Did it cost you so much to respect something that other people value?