To wonder if addiction is a choice

[BarbaraAnnee]

I am sorry if this sounds insensitive to some people but I just wondered what people thought of this. A relative of mine is an alcoholic and due to her being unfit, her parents have had to permanently look after her DD. I feel so bad for her and just wondered if she really loved her DD she would just stop drinking?

The thing is when we get into recovery we are taught to stop blaming everyone else and get out of self pity mode. If we stay there we simply will use again. I totally understand that for someone who's not an addict this is hard to understand, I was like this in my childhood and teens. Totally closed minded! The reason we picked up in the first place is pretty much the same for every person but different if that makes sense, we have trauma and we can't cope with life on life's terms. Today though thanks to a 12 step program I can and I choose every day to stay clean and work my program

'A part of our brain is wired completely differently and when we pick up drink or drugs we simply cannot stop.'

'We are judged so harshly because of the lack of education and also because the ways and means some of us get drugs. '

A perfect example.

oh, I have seen much more ridiculous statements than that…

“I don’t understand why people have addictions because I would just not get addicted”

“addicts just are too lazy and selfish to get help because there is lots of help out there. I would just get help because I am a strong person.”

”I would instantly give up”

Unfortunately there’s a huge genetic element involved. You sound like fortunately you don’t have those genes. I’ve never understood people who can occasionally smoke tbh, maybe that’s the same.

I think there's a genetic component to people's propensity to become physically dependent on substances, and some people are just more resistant to developing a dependency to certain things.

I agree. Lots of people are prescribed opiates - codeine and so on - for long enough to become physically addicted to them. Some people sit out the unpleasant withdrawals and carry on with life without them and some people become addicted.
There must be a genetic propensity to this.

I on the other hand absolutely love opiate pain killers, hence why I chose to stop taking them to not ruin my life.

I don't understand what is ridiculous about what I said?

You’ve made the right choice, whilst it’s still there! Good for you and I hope you’ve found a suitable alternative x

Face it, mate. You’re just not as cool as people in recovery 😜

You're wasting your breath. You can't educate some people. OP asked a question then has proceeded to argue like fuck and so is this person!

I truly believe labelling addiction as a disease serves only to provide a crutch on which addicts will lean on for the rest of their lives, even after getting clean.

It’s an excuse, a justification, a reason.

Anything but actual accountability for your own actions. Your own choices. Acting on your own compulsions.

“It is a developmental phenomenon. You grow into addiction. It takes place in a sequence or a progression through repeated trials, through repeated exposure, repeated actions, and through practice.”

”There is this idea that the addiction label is the only thing that is going to save them and stop them from being blamed and denigrated as addicts by society. They feel that if it is a disease, they don’t have to feel that burden or shame, because it’s not their fault. It’s hard to pull the rug out from under that without causing some upset.”

— An actual neuroscientist

It’s easier to blame “disease” rather than take responsibility for allowing dependency to develop through your own repeated actions.

Just in case anyone isn’t aware, there are high rates of comorbidities between addictions and ADHD, ASD, personality disorders, eating disorders, mental health conditions and some physical health conditions.
There are lots of reasons that increase susceptibility.

People are not (well extremely rarely) born addicts though. Like people are not born abusers. I don’t think whether someone has a choice or not should influence our interactions with them. Boundary setting, not enabling etc.

Absolutely this.

<A neuroscientist said 'justification'! I do hope they understand what it means >

@Janiie They don’t care because it doesn’t fit their narrative of “they can’t help it” 🙄

I've come to the conclusion there are people on this thread who are not genuine.

@BarbaraAnnee

If that is the case then why do people judge them so harshly?
The same reason some people judge people suffering from depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, adhd, autism, ocd, dyslexia, Tourette's and a hundred other conditions harshly. Because they are ignorant

Which ones ?

I think comparing it to cancer was repulsive, I am out

I’ve said some things on this thread that aren’t kind towards addicts and, well… when you’ve been damaged over and over again by the one person in your life who is supposed to love you more than anything in the whole world… the one person who is meant to take care of you, protect you and keep you safe… the one person who you should be able to rely on no matter what… it really fucking hurts and it’s very hard to be sympathetic after that kind of trauma.

I think it’s fair to say that it isn’t as black and white as a choice or not a choice. It just isn’t that simple. Not all addicts are innocent victims and not all addicts are bad people. Then there is everything and everyone in between.

This thread has been really triggering for me and I’m sorry if anything I said directly offended anyone. I have spent 24 years telling myself that my mother was a victim of alcoholism and it wasn’t her fault. That narrative isn’t helpful to me at all. It doesn’t make sense to me - it doesn’t help me to understand or process my experience of a very selfish woman who constantly put me in danger from early childhood.

So I put myself first and changed the narrative. My mother has had choices to make and she made the wrong ones. I am the victim of those choices, not her. I’m not going to be shamed for my opinion on it because I am the real victim here. The victim of an alcoholic who chooses not to even try and get better, despite being offered countless opportunities and endless support to do so.

She doesn’t get my sympathy.

Do you feel the same way about OCD, Depression and Anorexia?

No these people do not self medicate with drugs to help them escape their problems, they get help for their actual issue instead of using drugs to escape it. Drugs are usually to avoid the feeling that these mental health issues bring.

OCD is a recognised mental health disorder, it does not compare! people use drugs to escape the feelings these disorders bring.

I thought you were leaving

No, sure don’t.

They are disorders. Nobody ever tries to pretend they’re diseases.

Congratulations on being clean, I hope it is lifelong for you.

I get the point that you get to a point where you can choose not to, but people will really struggle to understand why you can choose to be sober on day 1 of sobriety but 24 hours previously you couldn’t.

They are also struggling with how to deal with “we don’t choose to fuck our lives up” when other people’s lives get trashed too. Who are expected to suck that up.

It does seem that addicts don’t really want to know what living under the fist of their addiction is like for other people, certainly I find the outward circles of support deeply problematic in that it seeks to dissipate the harms experienced by others for the sole benefit of the addict, at the expense of the loved ones. It also centers the addict and addiction as the family anchor, to say I find that problematic would be a very significant understatement.
How about decentering addiction and addicts in families?