The difference between cancer life as a royal and as a "lesser mortal"

[sixtyandsomething]

not to derail other threads..

I have nothing against the Princess of Wales, I am sure she is a lovely person and I wish her well. however, let's not pretend she is facing the same struggles as the rest of us.

I bet you £10 she hasn't had to deal with any of these! (feel free to add your own)

-40+ calls to DWP, often being left on hold for 2 hours or more
-many months delay in benefits being processed, leaving you without any income at all
-DWP advising you to "find a food bank"
-struggle up the hill on crutches to get a bus to chemo
-appointments delayed and cancelled, blood tests lost and repeated, regular system "crashes" leaving medical staff with no access to your notes.
-never seeing the same medical professionals twice.
-consultant appointments cancelled when you have already travelled several hours to the hospital
-telephone appointments you have to sit and wait by the phone for, for the whole day
-worry on crammed full bus when you are CEV
-getting off bus because it is too full
-getting of bus because you are vomiting
-sitting on the pavement for 3-4 hours after chemo in the dark and rain, because you are CEV and don't want to get back on a crammed bus in the rush hour
-commuters swearing at you because you move too slowly
-commuter kicking you out of the way because you move to slowly, and doing it with an air of indignation, like they feel seriously injured by having to touch something so disgusting with their foot
-minimum 18 hour wait in A and E before being admitted with infection - once it was 28 hours
-further many hour wait in ER before being admitted to wards.
-spending night on chair in corridor, after being admitted to a ward
-being asked to vacate chair in corridor so doctor can perform ECG on patient who is currently standing up with nowhere to sit
-being warned by hospital staff to sleep in your glasses so they are not stolen
-having to buy a constant stream of new clothes, and having to go to charity shops - on steroids? go up two sizes, no chemo? go down 3- surgery? get front opening everything, in a range of sizes.
-not being able have a clean the house, wash up, open the window even, without calling a friend to come and help.
-council refusing to empty your bins because you are not capable of moving them to the right place at the right time
-giving away your pets because you can't take care of them, or afford them
-being told the waiting list to see a physiotherapist is around a year

I could go on

I am so grateful for the treatment I have had, and I hope the Princess of Wales does well and recovers, but the two situations are not the same, even slightly, even if the disease is.

"I'm sorry for your experience but she has three young children and is in the public eye. That's very challenging."

She has all the help in the world, and can step out of the public eye at any moment it become unbearable or unsustainable for her.

I have had cancer.

Cancer is a great leveller and however rich or poor you are the one thing we all have in common is the fear being diagnosed with it instills in you.

For rich and poor that is a lot of where the things in common end.

I sat in chemo wards 3 weekly, I was never seen on time, so I sat there maybe 5 hours longer than I was meant to just waiting, I was told to ask for a particular anti emetic by other chemo patients. I was refused it, and told I had to try the (cheaper) one first, which ended up with 24 hours of the most terrifying nausea ever.

I attended Radio and was sat in a waiting room with people with no noses, or parts of their face gone from cancer, hideous for them and hideous for me. That was always late too.

Catherine will have her chemo at home, she will have the best drugs for side effects, the best food, no need to get up if she feels awful, no need to do the school run, no stress from work because you only have 6 months full sick pay and really for cancer you need a year to get your strength back.

I have every sympathy for her, I really do, but apart from the fact she has cancer and is scared her experience of it will be like chalk and cheese with mine.

I also cannot bear the sycophancy suggesting that she did better than mere mortals. I was dragging myself out of bed post chemo to do the school run.

I'm so terribly sorry to read your post OP. It's scandalously unfair and my heart breaks for you. 💐

@Tiptoptum - exactly!

Sadly health depends on money the same as everything else. It's disgusting humans have the ability to cure awful illnesses, put an end to climate issues, to provide food and safe drinking water for everyone and to provide shelter but greed is our downfall.

I am sorry your experience if cancer treatment is so poor. Catherine's treatment is the standard everyone should receive

@Fluffypuppy1

"You’re forgetting that she’ll have worries about security and the safety of her family. They have to have bodyguards 24/7. Xmas Day 2021 a man with a loaded crossbow was found in the grounds of Windsor Castle who was there to assassinate QEII. Most people would rather deal with their own cleaning/cooking/childcare than have to worry about that kind of shit."

I'm going to guess you're typing this from the comfort of a Surrey village or something.

I'm in South London, and I feel fearful every time my son leaves the house. He's already lost one friend to a stabbing, and been robbed at knifepoint himself, as have most of his friends. Oh, and unlike the Royal Family, we don't have a 24 hour armed bodyguard.

My son is also dealing with cancer as well.

Sure she has problems unique to her position in society but no one forced her to get married and these are just a fact of life for her and has no bearing on her diagnosis. The 3 young children do not rely on their mother to meet their physical needs or, indeed, any needs if she feels too unwell.
The OP is comparing the treatment for cancer and associated matters not status. And Kate does not need to go out in public unless she feels up to it. It was decided only 2.5 hours beforehand that she was able to attend the Trooping of the Colour ceremony. There is the utmost sympathy and understanding if she is unable to appear in public.
OP you have my heart felt sympathy for your difficult circumstances.
Irrespective of the deficits in the NHS clinical services etc the transport situation for patients is appalling and no thought is given to those with mobility problems

@sixtyandsomething you have had a dreadful experience and I wish you all the best.

You’re completely missing the point. The point is that the PoW won’t have suffered a lack of respect. Nobody should have to.

I’m sure you’re going to find a way to twist that to suit whatever you’re telling yourself though.

This thread has convinced me once and for all that my time would be better spent somewhere other than Mumsnet.

The wilful misunderstanding of the OP’s post and horrible things said to and about people with cancer here just demonstrate to me that it isn’t a place I want to be anymore.

I doubt those posters would like to see the POW suffer they are just pointing out a difference in treatment. You and the other poster you agree with is over thinking what this thread is about. Do you not worry if you were to get sick what could happen to you in an NHS hospital?

not being reliant on the NHS and having money undoubtably makes the cancer experience more bearable

my late husband was treated privately. We were able to get him treated by one of the best doctors in the world for his cancer. He had no waits for scans. In fact one time they wanted him to have an MRI, we got as far as the station when they phoned and asked him to come back immediately as they could fit him in there and then.

Any scan results were reported back either same day or the next day. When he was admitted to hospital he had one on one nursing care in a private room and I could stay with him. His consultant came to see him daily and we had his personal phone number

He had drugs the NHS wouldn’t pay for and overall his life was extended for about 2.5 years in comparison to what he would have got otherwise

He was treated with dignity and respect from first to last

We didn’t have money worries, his work paid his full salary the entire time he was ill and the benefits his job offered means that his children and I live a very comfortable life

The princess of wales will have all of that and more. It doesn’t change the hideousness of cancer but it makes an awful lot of difference if that’s the only thing you have to worry about

I'm so sorry about your mum.
I was sent home from hospital numerous times too to wait for a scan date in so much pain that I couldn't walk and had my employer threatening me with the sack if I had any more time off. I had an ultrasound scan eventually which diagnosed nothing apart from excessive bowel gas hiding my ovaries. 10 days later this "bowel gas" snapped my spine. It's if I'd had a ct scan 9 months earlier when my gp requested one I would still be able to walk

Well I have to say I thought she looked absolutely the picture of good health at the TOTC. I did a double take, and shame on me, couldn't help but keep looking at the pics to see HOW she could look so good after months of chemo and God knows what else.

That is another benefit of her status and role. Even if on the inside she feels like shit, by the time the make up artists, hairdressers, ladies of the wardrobe and so on get to her she is transformed. I do realise that underneath she may be feeling rough, but it's amazing what can be done if you have the money and staff to make you look and feel fabulous.

Most of us wouldn't have that level of personal attention to make us look the best we can during a ravaging illness. I know it's probably very hard to have to look great while feeling crap, but it was her decision to attend.

I agree with this.

OP your challenges sound hideous, no doubt about it and I wish you strength.

However we all have different challenges and I’m not sure why this thread couldn’t just have been a sharing of the difficulties with others who understand, rather than a comparison with Kate.

FWIW I wouldn’t want her position. I’m sure you are right that some of these challenges won’t have touched her in the same way; but there will be others we can’t fully appreciate.

I do understand how hard it must be to see her being applauded for her appearance on the balcony, so many wishing her well etc when you feel you have gritted your teeth through as much. But it isn’t really sincere in the sense of people who really care . It’s a distant sort or sympathy she gets offered. But for all it can help, I do wish you mine. You sound so strong and I wish you strength, recovery and every good wish.

You and her are at the two very extreme opposite ends of the Cancer journey.

@Flopsythebunny I am so so sorry to hear that.

Omg that is horrendous and sadly does not surprise me either. I'm so very sorry for the shocking lack of early treatment. No other words 😞

You're right but the OP is also right and sounds like she is having a hideous time. Sometimes not saying anything is kinder.

No she won’t be.

However, the psychological effects of having Cancer do not discriminate.

I agree with you completely.
Far too much fawning over an already very very privileged woman.

I’m backing the OP 100%. I’m sorry if that wasn’t clear… I can’t abide the vitriol from those naive enough to say that money - and the support/help it can buy - doesn’t make that much of a difference when you receive a cancer diagnosis.

I know some of these comments must cut right through but there are more of us that understand and empathise with you. Please don't feel ypu have to leave. 💐

Heartbreaking real life stories on this thread. My best to you all xxx

OP, cancer’s the only similarity in your two life journeys.

YANBU.

because nobody is holding him up as an example and telling "lesser mortals" to do cancer as magnificently as he is.