To ask how to potty train a resistant 3 year old?

[MissScarletInTheBallroom]

Yes I know there is a topic for this but there's next to no traffic and people who have already cracked this and moved on probably aren't looking at it.

My DS turned three a couple of months ago. We have tried potty training several times with no luck so far.

He is starting school in September and HAS to be trained by then. There is no other option. I have taken tomorrow and Tuesday off work so we are on day 2 of a four day window dedicated to cracking this and it's getting worse, not better. I don't have any other holiday other than the last two weeks of August which we have booked off to go on an actual holiday and will be completely ruined if we have to spend it hanging around the holiday accommodation doing potty training.

I'm at my wits' end.

He doesn't want to sit on the potty.

He withholds for hours on end.

He gets increasingly angry and fed up and wants to go outside and play. Eventually I give in and we go outside and it's only a matter of time before he pees or poos in his pants.

Please help.

This is what we did.
Stay home, the child needs to be able to feel the wet.
Reward was a smartie.
Gradually the child gets into a routine. We found weeing on toilet was likely before the bathtime, when first up in the mornings and about an hour after a meal.

We did lie a nappy underneath child in the car for a few months in case of accidents, after they were trained.

Can you please take your smugness elsewhere? I'm looking for helpful advice, not judgement.

Just let him have accidents. We had several months of accidents before we cracked it.

Go cold turkey - no nappies except for sleeping. He might still have accidents when he starts school but hopefully not too many a day! We had 3 a day until 3 years 7 months, and after that something clicked and she mostly stopped.

Just be more stubborn than him. No more nappies, just pants and let him get wet. Put blankets on sofas etc but it’s now big toilet not potty. No negotiation, kids are like terrorists don’t negotiate with either. This is how it’s going to be. You take him to toilet every 10 mins. Praise him but stay calm and no reaction to wetting, just matter of fact. I would let him be wet for a minute each time so he feels how uncomfortable it is. If he can hold it he can be potty trained. It sounds like you let him rule the roost a bit much. He must go outside or he kicks off? So what tell him off rather than give him what he wants all the time. Who’s the parent?

Either way, they're not welcome here.

He is a lovely little boy nearly all of the time. Not a brat at all. No screen time, not spoiled.

He just seems to have a mental block about potty training.

Sometimes the hows and whys just don’t work in a child’s brain. There are plenty of opportunities to teach being instrinsically motivated. When there’s stubbornness involved it isnt always the time.
but hey what would I know, degree in childhood development and 20+ years of experience potty training both my own and hundreds of others🤷‍♀️
have a lovely day 💐

Why shouldn't you reward the effort of your child weeing in a potty rather than on the floor, not to mention having to take time out from playing to go? I see it as encouragement, I think the jokey use of the word bribery just makes it sound negative.

I was the queen of bribery encouragement in my desperation. Ds's reward was a huge toy combine. It was incredibly impressive but sadly had absolutely no impact on my incredibly stubborn (and later to be diagnosed as autistic) child. We tried at least 3 or 4 times to potty train before he cracked it, it was an awful experience right up there with sleeping and weaning.

OP I think you have to expect lots of accidents and just battle on as best you can. It's even more stressful when you have such a small window of time but you can only do what you (and he) can do. But if 'encouragement' works for him then i say embrace it whole heartedly.

He doesn't want to be cooped up inside a flat with no garden all day for a week in summer.

Perhaps you'd think better of my parenting if he'd been raised staring gormlessly at the TV and was happy to never go outside.

Could you use this to your advantage? So tell him that he needs to wee on the potty before he goes out otherwise he might end up with wet pants while he is out and then you'd just have to come home again?

Tried that this morning, it just distressed him more.

None of our under 3s wanted to use the potty just before they turned 2 got a toilet seat and there all very happy to use it and tell us when they need to go. Only nappies for bed now

Do you live in a flat with no garden and a very energetic three year old?

I'm betting no.

Your biggest problem sounds like the fact you’ve started and stopped so many times before. I know you can’t go back in time! But it’s probably going to take him a while to accept using the toilet because it’s more hassle than going whenever/wherever he wants and every time he’s shown resistance you’ve given in and allowed him to go back to nappies. So you’re stuck in a classic battle of wills that he thinks he’ll win by kicking up a fuss.

Do you have the huggies bedtime pull ups or pyjama pants in your country? I would get these because the packaging is very obviously only for bed and chuck out all the nappies. Because big boys don’t wear nappies. I wouldn’t let the fact that he’s distressed deter you either, he’s probably just annoyed he’s not getting his own way.

And yes I potty trained DD in a flat during lockdown. And DS in a house but with a tiny courtyard garden. So no running around naked in the garden for us either! I said we go for a wee before we go out and we waited. DD took 2 days!!

He has to realise you’re serious and you mean it this time. But it’s doable, of course it is.

My children are in their late teens. Had to be trained to school.
i used a variety of methods.
Bare bottom half for 2-3 days. Watching them like a hawk. Mine loved to wee into a bottle.
1 likes the toilet and the other didn’t,
we went out together to choose big boy pants and a potty.
Mr poo goes to poo land was very helpful with one child. We would read it while sat on toilet/potty. Talk about where pop/wee would go and say goodbye to poo/wee.
If he really isn’t ready then leave it for a week or 2. Go back to nappies and then try again.
The most success ful for me was the bare bottom half method. The fresh air and lack of cover just seemed to help raise the awareness level.
Smarties for sitting on potty/toilet and also for producing something in potty/toilet.
Watching Daddy do wees/poos in toilet and talking about this together.
He will get there but if he is strong willed and sees he gets attention - any attention - it will likely be much more challenging.

I 100% agree. Worked amazingly for my toddler. They have specific chapters for older than 3 year olds and I read it and then reread it every time I got disheartened. She mostly got it in a week and it took 3 for her to be completely fine. She warns that 3+ years old is harder so at least it's realistic and I found it comforting.

So no, you don't currently live in a flat with no garden and an energetic three year old then.

Please can you go away and stop derailing my thread so I can focus on the replies which are actually in any way helpful?

Oh for a mute button.