To ask how to potty train a resistant 3 year old?

[MissScarletInTheBallroom]

Yes I know there is a topic for this but there's next to no traffic and people who have already cracked this and moved on probably aren't looking at it.

My DS turned three a couple of months ago. We have tried potty training several times with no luck so far.

He is starting school in September and HAS to be trained by then. There is no other option. I have taken tomorrow and Tuesday off work so we are on day 2 of a four day window dedicated to cracking this and it's getting worse, not better. I don't have any other holiday other than the last two weeks of August which we have booked off to go on an actual holiday and will be completely ruined if we have to spend it hanging around the holiday accommodation doing potty training.

I'm at my wits' end.

He doesn't want to sit on the potty.

He withholds for hours on end.

He gets increasingly angry and fed up and wants to go outside and play. Eventually I give in and we go outside and it's only a matter of time before he pees or poos in his pants.

Please help.

@AsMuchAsICanTellYou ODFOD

@MissScarletInTheBallroom so maybe he's just having a bad day or two. It sounds promising that he did manage before.

He WILL get this. Get it into your mind as well.

Regarding nursery, will they also try with him?

You need to keep going now. He does not wear nappies anymore. Throw them out, show him.

You will deal with the consequences of not wearing nappies, from this day forward. Take spare clothes everywhere you go and just KEEP going. He will get it.

It's like anything else, he needs to learn. I used to say that to my DD. Don't worry, it takes time to learn new things. You wouldn't give up teaching him to ride a bike, just because he didn't learn in a week.

I think you do just have to keep going with it no matter what because it is sometimes really hard. They won't always become ready in a way that makes it a pleasant and easy experience.

Mine weren't happy about it, completely refused potties at first and I was cleaning up a lot. I had to keep saying to myself "do you really want to deal with another of their shitty nappies?" and keep going until it started to click.

Why?

He's only 3 so what sort of school are we talking about? Nursery?

And if state I don't think they can refuse to have him?

@MissScarletInTheBallroom he will soon copy the other children at school once he realises that all the other kids use the toilet. Unfortunately, you may have to rely on him feeling peer pressure to understand how important it is.

OP my ds was like this and didn't potty train until over 3.

I ended up bribing him. He got a sticker every time he used the toilet. When he went the whole day without an accident, he got a particular toy he'd been hankering for. He earned the toy within 3 days.

You have had good advice, mine would be you need to relax and stop worrying. If he feels your stress then he will be more resistant. Go back to easy and breezy, lots of praise, lots of treats etc. you do have time.

Naked waist down inside. Stay in as much as possible. Outside loose trousers no pants.

It's school school. Compulsory school. Where we live it is compulsory from the September of the calendar year the child turns 3. Some of these children won't be 3 until December.

But all of the other children we know are potty trained already.

Toilet seat reducer instead of a potty, stool, taking them to a shop to choose their own pants, and a poo jar (bribery).

My son is autistic (as am I) and a chronic withholder. Not long after he turned 3 we went cold turkey with no nappies and lots of cleaning up. Key thing is we found he hated the potty but we did convince him to use the toilet. At first we would prompt him every few minutes if he needed to go or would put him on. We had a jar with tokens that we would exchange for a toy if he filled it. We still use it now for night time training. We continued to have accidents for a while (and still do occasionally at 5) but that's ok. He very rarely has accidents at school as the teachers constantly make sure the kids go regularly.

Since you need it for school and it's usual where you are, I'd make an appointment with your paediatrician and ask their advice.

In terms of what might help just for tips, have you done the Oh Crap thing where you let them be naked (or bottomless) for a whole day and ban yourself from your phone and spend the day watching and observing their potty "tells"?

Then big praise if you manage to catch anything and maybe a sticker chart with a prize at the end of it. However pressure can definitely backfire.

This has been my experience too. I've trained two children, so I'm not an expert but can see the differences.

1st child, DD. Started really getting serious at 2 and a half. She completely refused to even sit on the potty. Tried 3-4 times, never even got a wee ok the potty. Then around 2 months before her 3rd birthday, I decided that was it. I didn't want her to be 3 and not trained. I just persisted. Forced her to stay on the potty, even if she didn't want to. Sent her to nursery with no nappy. She never had accidents, but just withheld. All day! I was worried she'd get sick etc. but she was ok. Slowly at home, she started being less upset when I would get her to sit on the potty ( as she was peeing ). Then one day, after 2-3 weeks, she just walked across the room and did a wee on the potty. She never had an accident again. Once she realised it was safe. She was scared of it before.

2nd child. DS, had a lot of nappy free bare bottom time at home, from 18 months. The occasional day. He'd have accidents, but was curious about the potty though and not worried to sit on it. He also liked sitting on the toilet and copying his sister. Then one day when he was nearly 2, I took off his nappy and explained he needs to go in the potty. He did a poo on the floor and I showed him the potty again. He then just started doing everything in the potty on his own. No resistance at all. Very different experience. I sent him to nursery after the second day with lots of spare clothes and they just took him to the toilet regularly. Slowly but surely the accidents became fewer. It took longer for him to be completely accident free, compared to DD who was older. He would still have accidents maybe once every two to three weeks for a couple of months, but it was not too bad. DD had no accidents, once she finally ' got it'.

I know when you're in the thick of it, you think they'll never learn. But they will. He will get it ! Best of luck to you.

Skip the potty and go straight to the toilet. A reward that will motivate him for when he's had a week no accidents. Raise it with his childcare? Is he in nappies at childcare or pants? If it must be nappies I always say washable nappies lead to toilet training earlier as they can feel they are wet

Pants off. If he wants to go out he needs to go on the potty first. Let him tantrum, just keep repeating "I wanna go to the park too, we can't go until you've been on the potty because then you'll have an accident while we're out." Never give in to a tantrum.

Even suggest, let's go to the park, yay that'll be fun, shall we take your bike? Great, let's go for a wee before we go. Take him to the bathroom with you, have a wee, your turn! No we can't go till we've weed. Then just wait. Lock the door or sit against it. "I'm waiting for you to wee so we can go to the park" don't argue or make a big deal, play on your phone and just wait. When he eventually wees don't make a big deal "great, let's go."

Toileting isn't optional, it's not a power play. It's not something to be rewarded. It's a fact of life, you need to go the toilet, end of discussion.

Agree with others, commit to no nappies at all during the day and ditch pull up pants. You will have lots of cleaning up to do but he will eventually get it. Shame nursery aren’t being more supportive.

You say you can't let him run around naked - not at all? Is there nowhere this would be usual for toddlers where you live? Do you have a garden?

What about very minimal clothing like swimming trunks, or very thin cotton shorts (no pants) in a colour (e.g. light grey, light-mid blue) where it will be immediately obvious if he starts weeing - that could work?

I think I'd try this for a few days, and avoid situations where it would be disastrous (public transport, shops) but go for walks, outdoor places like parks, in own car for VERY short stretches perhaps with a towel under him in the car seat, and try and catch as many as you can.

If you can get to a point where he's having fewer accidents you could look at some of the cloth nappy type reusable training pants. They feel like pants, they are a tiny bit thicker to protect clothing/environment a bit but they will let them feel wet. They catch a dribble of wee if they can stop themselves. If they are more prone to just continue weeing once they have started, then they are no use. But these might afford him enough grace to avoid embarrassment at school.

Sorry I can see looking back that you don't have a garden.

Thinking of our local area, I would take DS outside into the bit of grass behind our house without pants, it's not totally private but it's not really public either. Or I'd take him to a quiet local park or field or something, or maybe see if I can confide in a local friend who doesn't mind us hanging out in her garden. Or with the lightweight type shorts - I'm thinking pyjama shorts kind of thing so it's very very light cotton and feels similar to being naked, as well as being easy to get on and off. Usually pretty cheap to buy and if he does have accidents in them you can just rinse them out and leave to dry in the sun rather than putting through a whole wash cycle.

Hahahahahahahahahaha

Does it have to be a potty? Can you get a padded seat that rests on top of the usual toilet seat, making it smaller and more comfortable, and a step up to it?

Then just very casually say, 'I know you don't like the potty and you are quite a big boy now so when you're ready, let me know and you cnn use the grown up loo instead. You get one chocolate button for a wee and two for a poo. tell me when your tummy needs to go, so I can help you not have an accident.

Then see what happens.

Ha, get away with you. Not going to outline what this groundwork is then supermum?

We have ALL the things. At the moment we have two big potties that we keep in the living room or the kitchen or his bedroom, and a toilet seat with a built in step stool in one bathroom and a more basic toilet seat with a normal step stool in the other bathroom. We have tried both sitting down and standing up. Ideally I'd like him to learn to do it standing up because that would be so much easier when we're out.

Chocolate

Ds started nursery at 2 years, 4 months. Also not uk. Also ‘ they need to be trained before hand’

As soon as he turned 2, I started so we had 3+ months before September start. Babybjorn toilet seat and step, best for boys not peeing over the top. Plus nursery has no potty’s just small toilets so makes it easier for them.

Take him every hour to the toilet the first 3 days. If he sits he gets a chocolate, if he wees another one. If he goes, then take to toilet again about 90mins later to try. Then back to hourly until he goes. Might need every 30 mins if he pees a lot to start with.

Just let him play indoors with pants and T-shirt on so just one layer. I never did naked training, as he couldn’t be naked outside or at nursery.

ds showed no signs of being ‘ready’ at 2 when I started and was dry within a few days. So highly recommend starting early with next. If I trained Ds at 3+ he would have been too argumentative