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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

COMING HOME

129 replies

eastandwest24 · 16/06/2024 06:17

More searching for advice than AIBU - but if I need to frame it this way...AIBU to be s**ting myself about the welcome my children will have from the community we left a year ago to move abroad?

We came from a super tight knit community in England and have been living abroad for a year. my kids - who are both primary age with close friends in the UK - and I are coming back for the summer to the fiends and area we left - they have all carried on BAU - while my kids have learnt so much resilience from leaving everyone and everything they know and starting afresh in a totally different culture, AIBU to be terrified of the reception that awaits us in the UK? Will the tween girls be total cows because my DD has been living away somewhere else (which on paper is more glamorous than home, but in reality she just really misses her friends and feels stuck between two camps). we're only back visiting for the summer, but if anyone has any advice on how to manage expectations or navigate the heady mix of resentment, jealousy, loneliness and hormones, I'd happily take it! how do I make this an enjoyable visit, not one filled with tears and worry - TIA!

OP posts:
jerkchicken · 16/06/2024 22:38

Your kids’ friends’ messages don’t sound particularly mean, and I don’t understand why you are making such a big deal out of this whole thing. Really odd!

I lived abroad as a child, it was always fun going back to see old friends, but we all got on with our lives once the holiday ended. Not sure what all the drama is about tbh!

Tiswa · 17/06/2024 09:22

Op did you want to move? Because I wonder how much of this is projection

your DD and her friends are young and if you are finding it tricky how will they? The truth is DD has what app groups and things with friends that her best friend who has moved isn’t and shouldn’t be in. They do stuff together and yes no more about day to day life because they are part of it. She is happy to see her always makes time for her (and me the mum) to catch up because the friendship is still there. But it has taken work and effort and an understanding. As I said 5 years in the 2 others have dropped off (one wasn’t DDs friend and the other has kind of dropped off for DD) it is still very exciting when she is back

it is hard and tough though

NoKnit · 17/06/2024 20:12

eastandwest24 · 16/06/2024 18:52

shes been removed from a few WhatsApp groups - which could be taken either way (no longer there so no point OR to exclude) and a couple of in jokes at her expense “sorry DD, you wouldn’t understand…” kinda vibes. When she chats to them 1-1 they’re lovely.

I'm gobsmacked at primary aged kids having WhatsApp. Shocked at primary age kids having a phone at all to he honest. Is that normal? I'm abroad and my son coming up for 11 still doesn't have a phone and if he does get one soon won't be having WhatsApp

ShouldhavebeencalledAppollo · 18/06/2024 06:37

NoKnit · 17/06/2024 20:12

I'm gobsmacked at primary aged kids having WhatsApp. Shocked at primary age kids having a phone at all to he honest. Is that normal? I'm abroad and my son coming up for 11 still doesn't have a phone and if he does get one soon won't be having WhatsApp

I think its really hit and miss to be honest.

Ds had a phone when he started walking to school by himself at 10. Some kids already had them, some didn't.

Some had WhatsApp, Snapchat etc. Ds didn't have those. Ds is 13 now and has WhatsApp, but isn't fussed about Snapchat, tiktok etc. It's no more troublesome than texting to be fair in my experience.

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