To think it's not right that DD(19) has a 61 year old mum

[LornaDuh]

Don't know why it's just hit me at 10.45 on a Saturday night in June.

Just feels weird that a girl not yet out of her teens has a mum over 60!

Not at all @CuttingMeOpenthenHealingMeFine

I was just having a pensive moment last night but feel back to normal this morning. Thanks in no small part to the responses on this thread.

My mum was 43 when she had me and died aged 94 so I had her for nearly 50 years. Its fine!

Not really. All that matters is that your daughter feels loved and wanted and that you instill good morals and principles in her. Everything else is pretty much irrelevant. I’ve seen enough of life to know that the truly f-d up people are the ones who never felt loved or wanted as children.

I have a friend who just had a child at 47, so her child will be 14 when she is 61. One of DS's friends' dad is 60 with a 7 year old. Honestly who cares as long as everyone is fit and healthy and the child grows up in a loving family. My DH's mum had him aged 25 but died when he was 10.

I suppose it depends what the norm is in your social circles as to whether it's even an issue. We are in a part of London where it is the norm for parents to be on the older side, so it's not a big deal.

I hate the comments well i was soo much mature to have my babies in my 40’s and the it’s better to have them young.

My DD is 19 and I’m 37. There is no great age to have a baby, and I don’t think parents should be justifying young or old motherhood with silly statements about young/fit or older/wiser.l because it just brings the other down.

Let’s all just celebrate the fact that we have them without tearing others down.

I am 60, my kids are 21/23. I am not a young 60, or fit or healthy. I am very aware that this means I won't be around into their 30s and all those big life events that may come. We just make the most of things whilst we can. It's life innit.

Consider your own life experience/financial situation at 30 or 35 as opposed to 24. Or those of the people around you. In my experience most people are better equipped for the emotional and financial toll of a family in their thirties and relationships tend to be more established and solid so more likely to last too. I’m not saying that’s the case for everyone, I’m sure some women are brilliant mothers at 24. But those I know who had kids that young tend to be single mothers on a low wage by 35. Again, just my experience, I’m sure it doesn’t apply to all.

I have 4 DCs and my youngest will be 21 next Year.
I will turn 60 next Year as well.

It really does not bother them at all (I have two older DCs too who are 33 and 30) but I do get a lot of "Jest" from the youngest two.

I used to worry about being as old as some of their peers grandmothers when they started school but I fitted in fine, better than I had with my previous two's school life really.
Don't worry OP

But those I know who had kids that young tend to be single mothers on a low wage by 35. Again, just my experience, I’m sure it doesn’t apply to all.

It really doesn't, most of my circle and many in my family had children mid twenties and we are all in careers, own our own homes, and I am a higher rate tax payer. Also all still happily married. You are stereotyping. Broaden your circle a little.

This is a bit of a strange question. How is it not right? Women having babies in their forties is not exactly a new thing. I come from long lines of them, on both sides of my family, and have followed suit, having my two when I was 39 and 41. Was married for 12 years before even trying for a baby because we never really got round to it. No issues conceiving and straightforward pregnancies and births. I appreciate we were lucky that it was all very straightforward, but then it's fortunate to have no issues irrespective of maternal age.

To people who were saying kids get bullied for having older parents: my daughter (8) mentioned the other day that some kid was going on about how I was old, but this was the same kid who bullied my son about something else entirely. Some kids are just mean, and will find something to pick on regardless.

True! It's only when they hit late teens you start to worry about these things. I worry about this all the time (was 22 when I had DC) and there's so many things I'd do differently with the help of wisdom.

I’m quite happy with my circle thanks, and I did say that it doesn’t apply to all! I think you find your people in life, so if you’ve had kids early you’ll associate with people that do as you’re in the same stage of life at the same time, and vice versa.

@adviceneeded1990 we've moved around the UK a fair bit, and in my experience, it is housing costs that has the biggest impact. I'm currently working in London and the age I see people having children is noticeably higher, living in more affordable areas means you much more easily get to a stage of stability earlier in life.

I was 32 in mine and one of the oldest. Most were 27/28.

Most of my friends from school had children in their early twenties. I was the only one without them when we were 25.

I think the average is probably still somewhere around 30 but it doesn’t feel like it’s getting older, here at least.

I’m now one of the only people in my NCT group without a second child, and most are in their late 20s.

When do you think it isn't stressful to juggle elderly parents?

Seriously.

I say this kindly. Why give a fuck about the opinions of others? Especially when they have no bearing on anything at all.

Your daughter would literally be a different human being had you conceived earlier.

My dad was 40 when I was born. He is a great dad. That is all.

At 19 my mum was 64.

Im 24, my mum would be 67. My Mil is 43 funnily the same age as my oldest sibling. It’s not embarrassing and i had a great relationship with my mum. No one has a right to judge and as long as you guys are happy i wouldn’t dwell on it.

Those that I know who had kids very young are also similar to the ones you know. I think it's often an "area" thing too. Where I grew up your options are limited. Move for a decent career (there are some, but it's limited), stay and earn low wages, or have kids and end up in a council house on benefits (because the job prospects mean trying to work and have kids is financially very difficult).

I moved. But many of the girls I went to school with met the "love of their life", stayed, had a baby, got married, got divorced, met another and so on.

Where I live now, I know a few women who had kids young and are doing well. But most were "older mums".

My DH was 42 when we had DD. He's an amazing dad. At 22 (the fact I'm younger aside) he'd have been awful at it. He wasn't settled in himself and so wouldn't have been ready for that responsibility.

No one should have kids because of their age. It should be when they're able to be good parents. Whatever that means for them.

I am 60 and ds is 19. One good thing is that I have a lot of life and work experience plus streetwise wisdom.

I may have less energy than a 40 year old but most definitely ds is flourishing so all is good.

Read my posts. I didn’t say have kids in mid 20s. I said start looking for the right man.

Yeah that makes perfect sense! I’m up in Scotland so housing is relatively cheap compared to London but most people I know did uni, few years of full time work to get properly on the ladder and buy their “forever” house, then got married and started their family. There are definitely benefits to doing it both younger and older!

I'm 47 with a 3 dc 16, 15 & 3 I was always worried how they would cope having an older mum but I can honestly say my two oldest couldn't care less about my age, and they've told me the ages of some of their friends parents some of whom are already in their 50's & 60's & it's just not a big deal.

Don’t compare yourself to any other mums, no matter yours or their ages.

I know a 20 year old who’s mum died when she was 3, and has absolutely no memories of her. Just photos.

61 isn’t even “old”.

It’s all about perspective.