to leave DH after he encouraged our DC to kick me

[DearHorse]

Just that really.

My DC was kicking my DH. My DH was kicking back (playfully I guess). I got in the middle telling them both to stop and my DH then told my DC to kick me. My DC then started kicking me.

DC is only little (under 5).

Would I be unreasonable to leave him?

There is (obviously) a big backstory, but it is too long for a post. There has been other occasions where he has encouraged our DC to hit me.

Very much dependent on the context and back story. It sounds like this was just play fighting if he and your husband were kicking each other. Fair enough if you don't agree with play fighting but if that's the case you shouldn't get in the middle treating your husband like he is a child and they are siblings. You should have waited to discuss it like a pair of adults when child wasn't in the room and come to some compromise.
However, if he is abusive and this is a way of using your child to abuse you it is a completely different story and there is no question about it, you absolutely do need to leave for the safety of you and your child.

Personally I'm not keen on play fighting.
Neither was my ExH so not an issue we ran into.

But quite a few relatives would (for example) play Batman vs the robbers and as part of that game would say "let's kick the joker/your brother/mummy".

Not my thing and neither me nor ExH played those sort of games and if our kids did we shut it down pretty sharpish but I have seen it done and all adults and children seemed happy.

Thanks all for your input.

For those saying it sounds like this is the straw that broke the camel's back, that might be true.

There is a lot of things I try to get past, but I cannot get past my child being encouraged to hurt me.

The other thing I can't get past is that he complains when I speak my native language to our DC, and has asked me not to speak it in front of him.

Of course you should leave if you want to and think it’s for the best but I’d be so worried about what he’d be teaching my child when I wasn’t there to mitigate it. Would he hurt DC?

You can leave for any reason you want. The straw that break the camels back in its own will seem insignificant to others in isolation. But you can leave him

Your husband is an idiot. That alone is reason enough to leave him.

why wouldn't he want his child to be raised bilingual? that's so selfish of him.

I think what happened was wrong and needs to be addressed but I think it's totally unreasonable to consider leaving your husband for this. What about the vows you made when you got married?

This just sounds like he is generally dismissive and disrespectful of you! You should absolutely share your native language with your son and be allowed an opinion on how he is parented/what he is being taught!

He has misophonia and says it is a trigger for him. I understand that, but I am not willing to compromise on this point due to how important it is to me for our child to learn my language too.

You do have to leave as soon as you can. This is horrific to read.
Your own children are being trained and groomed to abuse you. I can not express how important it is that you leave and take your children with you.

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/

plesse get some support op

The contract is already broken. You are not held to a contract the other party has broken.

I mean, I don't know exactly what form of words the OP used, but in the rites I am most familiar with the parties solemnly vow "to love and to cherish".

I am just updating so I have something to reread if I need it. I need to make some decisions and a plan and have just stayed out of DH's way today, as I am not the type of person to be able to put a happy face on.

He just came in the room trying to talk to me, and ended up criticising me about something. In response, I was quite short with him (I did not call him any names). He ended up asking me why I am being a twat and a bitch. He also said I am acting like a teenager.

He can be quite mean in this respect. He has previously called me dumb, stupid, and an idiot (not today though).

He sounds like an ignorant shit of a father and an abusive fucker to you. Don't model condoning violence to your dc. Get rid of him and start living.

Without the backstory leaving for something that sounds playful seems nuts.

It doesn't sound like a good situation for you or your son. There should be zero tolerance of hitting and kicking and it's definitely not something to make a joke of. You need to make a plan for you and your child to leave. Can you get some support from family and friends?

Its abuse, abuse against you and your child. Please ring us ay womens aid for support.

It isn’t fun or playful and it’s a really stupid, horrible thing to do. What’s fun about getting a child to slap their parent? Apart from anything else it must confuse the child when later they’re told not to do it. What an idiot.

There's something more going on here with him, his claim of misophonia meaning he doesn't want to hear your native language is very peculiar. That's not what the disorder is unless your language uses a lot of tongue/throat sounds or clicks, I could POSSIBLY understand that. Has he always had this aversion to your speech or is it a new thing?

I mean it's kind of academic cos I don't think you're unreasonable in wanting to get out of this. Just that strikes me as a very odd red flag even if you're able to ignore encouraging "playful' violence from a male to a female.

Sounds like he’s using the Misophonia as an excuse to stop you talking in your native tongue. This condition usually is triggered by eating, or repetitive noises such as keyboard tapping. Not someone just talking. Sounds more like another abusive trait of his.

That's crazy. Being bilingual would be a massive asset to your child.

Not sure if anyone will see this, but wanted to update the thread. In the end, I did not leave & DH stopped his behaviour of encouraging our DC to hit me, until today that is, when he told DC to high five mummy in the face. I was not paying attention to what was being said (I think they were joking around), & suddenly got slapped in the face by my DC. DH said it was a joke.

Not sure if this can be considered a joke. Am I under reacting? I am not in danger from my DC but it does not feel right.

If it was playfighting and said as a joke, I certainly wouldn't leave my husband over that. However, you said there's a back story so I assume that's why you want to leave.

I wonder if some pp are reading the same thread as I am. This sounds horrible and abusive to both you and your child.
My father was very physically abusive and used to encourage my brother, when he was just a toddler, to tell my mum to fuck off. One day my mum snapped and bashed my brother quite badly. I'm not excusing that, but my fuckwit father carries a share of the responsibility. In that moment, my mum expressed the rage she didn't dare express to the man who was physically terrorising her. Don't let your child carry the abuse in your relationship.