Yes I know it’s been done before! Stepchild and wedding

[EWAB]

I know we’ve had the same thread before but I’m hurting.

In-laws have known my 24 year old since they were 7 I.e. longer than they’ve known my youngest son.

Two of partner’s nieces are getting married. DP and I are invited with my youngest but not eldest.

These nieces are almost a decade older than my youngest but nearer in age to eldest who they do know and one even socialises with him occasionally as they have mutual friends.

These nieces are cousins themselves not sisters so I wonder if they discussed his exclusion.

Partner and youngest definitely want to go to both of these weddings.

I think at 24 it does depend on how often they talk/see each other. If he were still a child it’s different. The guest list very quickly adds up so you do have am to be a bit ruthless if you want to control numbers/cost.

I’m sorry but if we weren’t all invited as a family then none of us would be attending, my DH wouldn’t want to go either. It doesn’t matter whether your child has been in their lives a short or long time, they are family.

Does your 24 yo still live at home? I have children and love my DSD and her family but my DH also has SC and I don't include them, I'm always polite but wouldn't think to invite them to anything, you have to draw the line somewhere

I think it is awful not to invite your 24 year old. They are part of the family and it is only one extra person.

I would say it wasn't fair if they were a child, but adult numbers at weddings are completely different.

They may be viewing your 24yr old as an adult.

Could be thinking your 24yr old would want a +1 (and they can't afford/damage extras? and not want to tagging on with mum.

Are they close to your son? If they aren't then I'd not see it as a snub but more of there needs to be cut off point or guest lists, especially if relationships with family have been positive over the years go on forever.

If you have evidence it's a snub then don't go.

If you don’t think you can ask your DH not to go, then I would let him and your youngest go - but I would go nothing to facilitate it. No outfit buying for the youngest. DH can do it.

I would be upset and in laws would know.

I’ve posted on these threads before - the blended families that I know treat the older SC the same as the biological DC. They would not - and have not - excluded them from wedding invites.

I would be upset, I think it’s wrong to exclude SC

Risking family relationships for the sake of 1 extra guest puts them in the Cunt Catagory imo.

My youngest is 18 in a couple of weeks; he is the youngest of the cousins.

My eldest has been at uni for five years and in The States for a semester but essentially still lives at home.

His narrative is broadly the same as the other cousins but I bet they’re all invited.

Are there other adult cousins not invited?

I have had cousins that have married and invited all aunts and uncles but only a couple of adult cousins that they are close to because if they invited all the cousins, they wouldn't be able to invite any friends. Everybody understood it was just a numbers thing.

Considering they’ve known sc for 17 years, I think that’s awful. Maybe a quiet word asking if there’s any particular reason sc has been excluded?

Do you not go anywhere without your adult children? Do you go everywhere with your parents and PILs?

Your DP should have sorted it out with his sibling. Just to gage why. I invited my Aunts and uncles to my wedding, but not my cousins because it would have gotten too big. You have to accommodate both sides of the couple.

If it's a numbers thing and others not invited etc then ok. If it's just him that's pretty shitty and I think I'd be tempted to clarify the position. He's a member of the family just like everyone else.

I would be pleased if I was your son not to be invited. Weddings are so boring. Does he actually want to go?

I think it’s absolutely awful, I’m from a blended family and the older child like your excluded child, and I had things like this happen to me. Made me feel like an outsider in my own nuclear and extended family. The brides are cunts imo.

Let your DH and other child go but don’t go yourself and don’t help in anyway towards them going, ie outfit/present/card etc.

I would be very cool in my relationship going forward with them.

Why don't you find out first?

Given everyone involved is an adult, I think they’re just doing based on who they speak to and who they’re close to. I don’t consider the four of you a family unit when you’re four adults.

Not the point of the thread, but is it one double wedding or two separate ones?

@MBappse No two weddings!

They are first of this generation to marry so this is the tone that is being set.

I have the phone number of one of them. I am tempted to ring.

I think that as things stand they are risking family relationships so in my view I would expect my husband to ring his sibling and ask why the 24 yr old is not invited as he is family. It may be no adult cousins are invited or that there is a simple and fair explanation but that seems unlikely so your dh needs to find the reason and explain that you are a family unit and that needs to be recognised

Thats fine but its not excluding anyone on the same level (family tree wise) ! Would you have invited 1 or 2 cousins and not their sibling? I think its weird to not invite 1 member of a family because there's not a blood link!

Partner should be the one taking this up with his siblings. You'll look crazy ringing them directly about this.

Is there any backstory here...has 24 yr old always been treated like a cousin? Does your partner's family disapprove that you're not married or don't feel like 24 yr old is a full family member because your DP has not adopted them or similar?

That's awful. It would be a deal breaker for me.

None of us would go.

Nah I wouldn’t go sorry. All or none.