AIBU to think I’ll not have a good time on my birthday without her?

[NewbieToThis]

Hey so this sounds really silly as I know the chances of seeing one of my good friends on my birthday in a couple of weeks was really slim as she lives in a different country. For these past couple of months I hoped and had it in my head that she would likely be here as I had this feeling she would.

bit of backstory. I met her online 2 years ago. This past several months we’ve grown so close. We’ve just clicked. It’s that type of friendship where you feel like the other person is like a twin spirit and is part of you and when they’re not there especially at special occasions you feel like something is missing and feel incomplete. I remember going on a night out and all I could think of is that she should be here. We feel like we can tell each other anything and everything. She’s even said to me that there’s things she’s told me that she would be uncomfortable telling others which I’m flattered by. We have similar interests and views on life. She’s like this amazing kind hearted stunningly beautiful angel that has came into my life and I wish more than ever we lived close by. If we did I know for a fact we’d see each other all the time.

Just recently she’s been going through a hard time with a loved one not being well so I haven’t heard from her as much but we still talk everyday as we both like and comment on each others content on social media. I feel bad that she’s having to cope with dealing with that but that is what has set it in stone that she won’t be coming to visit. I really had it in my head that she’d be here. I’m having a big birthday night out with a lot of my friends and I’m really looking forward to it. Now it won’t feel the same without her or at least someone similar. I know I sound delusional and dumb right now but I imagined getting ready together getting our makeup on. A girly pamper night the night before (I had it in my head that would be the night she would arrive), dancing together to our favourite songs particularly one I had in my head (the one my two cousins who are sisters danced to at one of their birthdays and I’m envious of how close they are). I know I’ll still have a good time with my other friends and my husband. I’m grateful they will be there but I’ll be missing her unless she or someone similar is there.

WTF is wrong with me? I’m a grown woman married with kids why am I getting on like a teen?

Bump

You bump every single one of your threads!

How's the baby?

My baby is doing fine thanks

Honestly forget about other people getting you, you need to get yourself. You wont have successfully relationships of any sort until you are happy with yourself and your own company and don't look outside it for validation

Op most people have had people walk out of their lives.

It’s not a unique experience.

and while some people have had bad luck and are lovely and had people tear them badly. Some people have brought it on themselves and you have no idea which group she would be in.

Its entirely possible she is backing off not just because there a sick relative, but because she feels you are becoming too intense so stepping away.

Again, how would you feel if this was your husband and another woman?

Have you sent her money?

I don’t know I always have that fear that people everyone I’ve ever let close to me are gonna walk out on me. Sometimes I fear that with her. I see everyone else having these sorts of close clicky friendships so easily that I’m jealous and it’s like I’m not good enough no matter how hard I try to be. I feel if I lived in a different country I’d fit in better. The culture and country I’m from I’m a bit too different for it

Most people don't have close, super clique friendships

Most people are just trying to survive, and may possible head out on occasional drinks with work friends or with a group met at the kids activities or from running club etc.

It's natural for friendships to fizzle out as you all move from one phase of life to another, they aren't doing it to you, it's not personal.

There are far more posts on here about MN that don't have that many if any friends.

Step away from the internet, movies about similar friendships, bloggers and influencers and back into the real world

Has she ever asked you for money?

No she wouldn’t do that

Did she say she was coming over, only to cancel due to her ill relative?

She said she would visit someday. I don’t know why I got it in my head that it would be in a few weeks. I guess I just got this feeling and dreamt about it. Don’t know why I get stuff like that in my head sometimes lol

So she wasn't ever really planning to come over? OP I say this with kindness but I think you need to speak to a therapist about your feelings...this is not a normal attitude to have about an internet friend. You have kids and a husband, a whole life, and you're daydreaming about someone you've never met in person.

@NewbieToThis You need to go to therapy, this thread is worrying enough but you have several very concerning other threads too like this
Thread you need to go to the GP and get some real help, you have other threads obsessing over losing a tiny amount of weight etc. You have literally just had a baby and are trying to escape reality by disappearing into a virtual world, exerting control on tiny things you are in control of and having this 'friend' you've never met as a unpaid counsellor. It sounds like you are massively vulnerable and a prime target to being scammed as you are so desperate and in need of friendship / relationships .

So she didn’t even plan to visit.

You made this all up in your head? And now think your birthday won’t be fun. Because something you made up, that was never planned, isn’t happening.

I mean this kindly. But I think you may need some professional support in real life. Especially since you have only just had a baby, it’s a very difficult time. But this isn’t normal. It’s quite concerning.

I’m already in therapy

The person who commented that most people don’t have intense clicky friendships clearly haven’t been around people I have as I watch people with those intense friendships all the time. Yes some don’t last but some do. When I watched those 2 sisters dance to that dance song I felt sadness for myself but happiness for them I half hoped that my online close friend would be over to visit soon as I imagined us dancing to that same song and I’d do long be the one on the sidelines watching and wishing. I’d be the wanted one

Bump

Jesus, STOP BUMPING YOUR POSTS FFS!!!

It's not FaceBook Marketplace.

Have you told your therapist about the feelings you've shared on this thread?

I think you need to get off tiktok/insta or whatever and reconnect with the real world. Not feeling worthy or valued because your fantasy about an internet friend and their imaginary trip to make dance videos?? You have a new baby. Please get more help and support.

I’ve told my therapist about feeling let down by past friendships and feeling not good enough but haven’t went into detail about my online friendship. I will at my next session

The other reason why I fear my birthday night out might not go as good as I hope is because I can see a lot of people cancelling on me last minute like it happens every year. It was ok last year as I was on holiday but I really want a big night out to really let off steam which I will be doing and it would be nice if a lot of my friends could go.

That’s good. But it sounds like you might be having delusions. It’s a massive warning sign that you are expending so much energy into this online relationship And making up situations that you have no reason to think will happen. And upset that it’s not happening.

Especially, when you have a new baby.

you won’t even answer how you would feel if your husband was doing this? Wouldn’t you be concerned if you found out he was making up situations where this woman shows up for his birthday? Obviously after being gutted he had fallen for someone else.

have you searched 'her' image on google?
see if she pops up as multiple people

My husband knows about this friendship. He seems ok with it. I haven’t fallen for someone else it’s just an intense friendship and it’s different if it’s the same sex. He has friendships too