AIBU to think I’ll not have a good time on my birthday without her?

[NewbieToThis]

Hey so this sounds really silly as I know the chances of seeing one of my good friends on my birthday in a couple of weeks was really slim as she lives in a different country. For these past couple of months I hoped and had it in my head that she would likely be here as I had this feeling she would.

bit of backstory. I met her online 2 years ago. This past several months we’ve grown so close. We’ve just clicked. It’s that type of friendship where you feel like the other person is like a twin spirit and is part of you and when they’re not there especially at special occasions you feel like something is missing and feel incomplete. I remember going on a night out and all I could think of is that she should be here. We feel like we can tell each other anything and everything. She’s even said to me that there’s things she’s told me that she would be uncomfortable telling others which I’m flattered by. We have similar interests and views on life. She’s like this amazing kind hearted stunningly beautiful angel that has came into my life and I wish more than ever we lived close by. If we did I know for a fact we’d see each other all the time.

Just recently she’s been going through a hard time with a loved one not being well so I haven’t heard from her as much but we still talk everyday as we both like and comment on each others content on social media. I feel bad that she’s having to cope with dealing with that but that is what has set it in stone that she won’t be coming to visit. I really had it in my head that she’d be here. I’m having a big birthday night out with a lot of my friends and I’m really looking forward to it. Now it won’t feel the same without her or at least someone similar. I know I sound delusional and dumb right now but I imagined getting ready together getting our makeup on. A girly pamper night the night before (I had it in my head that would be the night she would arrive), dancing together to our favourite songs particularly one I had in my head (the one my two cousins who are sisters danced to at one of their birthdays and I’m envious of how close they are). I know I’ll still have a good time with my other friends and my husband. I’m grateful they will be there but I’ll be missing her unless she or someone similar is there.

WTF is wrong with me? I’m a grown woman married with kids why am I getting on like a teen?

Now it won’t feel the same without her or at least someone similar.

What?

Is there a grown up around to help you, op?

Are you being honest about your feelings for her? It sounds very intense.

Have you ever actually met her?

It’s that type of friendship where you feel like the other person is like a twin spirit and is part of you and when they’re not there especially at special occasions you feel like something is missing and feel incomplete

Have you met her?

What does your husband think about this crush/obsession?

Have you ever met her in real life?

The kind of relationship you talk about usually develops over many years.

Could you arrange to go and visit her at some point?

It’s that type of friendship where you feel like the other person is like a twin spirit and is part of you and when they’re not there especially at special occasions you feel like something is missing and feel incomplete

Sorry OP but that is a really odd and overly intense description of a friend, particularly one that you've met online (have you ever actually met in real life?) and as much as I love my best friend I wouldn't describe her as part of me, she'd be horrified for a start!!

Has she ever been there before? Have you actually met her?

It’s far easier to confide in people who aren’t physically present in your day to day life and don’t know all the people close to you. The fact that you have both confided in eachother isn’t a sign you are twin flames. It’s entirely normal.

How do you know you would have a good time. She could turn up and be an arse and cause issues. Sounds more like you have a huge crush on her and having an emotional affair and hoping for more to be honest.

It all sounds a bit...odd...

Have you met in person?

I think people are being a but mean in that sometimes we do love our friends - I feel things quite strongly and if I think I'm going to see one of my sons and then I can't I can feel quite sad!!
OP Why can't she come and when will you see her next- can you arrange something to take the edge off the disappointment ??

OP, are you sure she is real/safe? Have you met her IRL?

Have you been watching too many American teen movies, or reading a lot of YA novels?
This sounds way too intense for a friendship, especially if you haven't met in person. You've put her on a pedal stool (sic) for some reason but remember that you don't always see the truth of someone online, as Mn demonstrates every single day.

I'm like this with female friends as well OP and it's only recently I've realised I am autistic and bisexual. I get a bit obsessed with my friends and it feels rather intense, more like a romantic relationship really. I understand what you're feeling but I don't think most people would.

You have constructed a fantasy relationship with an online friend that is obsessive to an unhealthy degree.

Makeup and dancing to songs sisters dance to? Your birthday being second rate because someone who was never actually going to visit from abroad in the first place won’t be there?

If your real life experiences are unsatisfying because your online friend isn’t there, you need to step back and take part in your actual life. With your real life husband, children and friends, not an online Twin Spirit. An obsessive relationship isn’t benign just because it is between two women.

What is your real life lacking that you’re trying to redress with this one?

I’ve never met her in person unfortunately as we live at opposite sides of the world but we’ve video called each other and we’ve seen each others video content as we both make content online. We’ve confided in each other about really personal stuff and I feel that she gets me on a whole other level that very few people have ever. Yea I admit it does sound like an intense friendship but when I like someone and click with them it’s intense. We do compliment each other a lot too but don’t know about emotional affair

Are you straight, OP? I used to get like this about some female friends when I was a teen and like a pp I am bi and there was definitely a romantic undertone (on my end!)

This is definitely what people around here call an “emotional affair” - not great if you are married and wanting to stay with your husband.

Yeah, I'm also wondering if this is more of a crush than a friendship. It's okay to have intense feelings about a friendship that means a lot to you, but some of the language and things you've described here are very crush like.

I notice some people asking what in my life I am lacking to feel this way. I feel like I’m constantly pushed to the side and made to feel like inadequate and having to fight for everything including validation and I’ve felt like this my whole life.

others asked if I’m straight. Yes I would class myself as that but have had attractions to women in the past and experimented. I would say part of me is like that but obviously I don’t act on it because I love my husband and for religious reasons

You don't know if you would vibe in real life because you have never met. Talking on phone/video is not the same connection.

What your describing would take time to develop and requires you to have seen the good,the bad and the ugly and still feel as close.

This reads more like a fantasy, it sounds lovely and if it boosts your life that's great. But don't let it shadow the real moments

I will admit I do find this girl very attractive and I think she does with me

How's the baby, OP?

It can't be more than a few weeks old.

Full moon tonight?

Online friendships can be very real and genuine OP, a lot of people discount them but I have connected with people online and then it's transferred into a real life friendship and become something lasting. I would agree with others saying use this situation to have a look at what is going on in your life and what's missing from your marriage and your other friendships.
Consider your attraction to women and the possibility you could be neurodivergent. Intense online connections like this are much more common between ND folks.