Friend knawed hands and chewed nails all through our meet up

[serenaxx]

Just that really. Made my feel quite physically sick tbh. Especially as we were in a cafe at the time, meeting for a catch up over coffee and cake.
My friend has had this habit in all the years I've known her and does it all the time but for some reason I wanted to scream at her this time. It was putting my off my coffee and cheesecake. She was chewing her nails and crunching them loudly... To the extent that people at the next table were looking at us as if to ask "what the hell is wrong with her? Doesn't she have any social awareness? People are trying to eat around here..".
My friend has some issues with her relationship but chooses to stay in it regardless of him being a controller. She knows what we all think about that.
I just wish she's stop this filthy habit when in other people's company, particularly when people are trying to enjoy a coffee.
AIBU to be disgusted?

I do this through anxiety and ADHD. Your friend might be suffering with something similar.

It's a mental illness.
She needs help.

You don't like her biting her nails but you jump to talking about her relationship?

What's the real issue here?

YABU and not a good friend.

Did you not ask her how she’s feeling? Clearly you could see she was distressed.

Who needs enemies with friends like you!

She sounds very distressed.

You don't sound like a good friend.

I do it too. I'm well aware of how awful it looks and have asked GP for some support to stop. I've been assessed, which has taken 6 months and I'm now on a 12 month list for some CBT.

You sound like a really horrible "friend".

Do her a favour and stop pretending to be her friend

Awww, you sound like such a lovely and supportive friend.

She’s really lucky to have you in her life.

This!

Bitchiness a filthy habit.

Have you ever considered you might be the problem?

Your poor friend is clearly distressed and struggling and it's all about you and how you look/feel.

What a lovely friend you are.

people who do this know it is not socially acceptable. They aren’t stupid. These habits are often linked to anxiety and can be a form of stimming for people on the spectrum.

you could have some sympathy and ask what is going on with her to cause her so much stress. Does she feel uncomfortable in the restaurant itself? Is it the topic of conversation?

if you can’t be a good friend, then fade away. She deserves someone with better understanding.

Your friend must be feeling incredibly anxious and on edge for her to be doing that. Perhaps think about how you can help her rather than just bitch about her symptoms of severe unease.

You need to tell her so she realises that you are not actually her friend.

Or you could be more caring and concerned about her emotional wellbeing? Ask her if she's super stressed, say (without distaste) that you've noticed how much more she's biting her nails etc and is she ok?

I would have asked her to stop. I can't stand bad table habits.

Whether you're BU or not depends on whether you told her to stop.

"I was too stunned/amazed/taken aback/shocked into silence to say anything" = YABU.

"Will you knock it off Deirdre, you're putting me off my cheesecake and people are staring" = YANBU.

But this is Mumsnet where the word 'friend' tends to mean 'Person you can't actually speak to' 🤷‍♀️

You could have asked me to stop. I'd have been embarrassed and gone home feeling terrible about myself, but it would only have stopped me momentarily

I chew and pick when I'm feeling stressed, but manage to stop myself in public (or limit myself to a cuff chew) because I know it looks bad. I'd feel bad for someone who was feeling too on edge to stop themselves with so many people around.

Dermotillomania is a mental health issue and can be a symptom of a number of other mental health problems. People tend to do it compulsively and often unconsciously. Maybe having a bit of empathy for her and supporting her might be a good approach?

Is this another one of those posts aimed at winding people up because you’re bored? Either way you’re a shit mate.

You could ask me to stop but I am no more going to stop picking my fingers than stop breathing.

Some people just do this, especially neurodiverse people. They do it more when they are stressed and it sounds like your friend is stressed.

Maybe try being a supportive friend?

My Audhd dddoes this.

I hope she never has ‘friends’ like you.

@serenaxx being a self righteous arsehole is a far filthier habit and yet here you are.

I sincerely doubt she was ‘crunching’ her nails loudly enough for others to hear. If it’s a long term habit, there’s very little nail to crunch.

What might have garnered attention is someone being sat at a table looking ant their dining companion with utter disgust especially if the object of disgust was distressed.

Maybe you should stick to having your coffee and cheesecake alone in future. More fitting for your standards of friendship.