Friend knawed hands and chewed nails all through our meet up

[serenaxx]

Just that really. Made my feel quite physically sick tbh. Especially as we were in a cafe at the time, meeting for a catch up over coffee and cake.
My friend has had this habit in all the years I've known her and does it all the time but for some reason I wanted to scream at her this time. It was putting my off my coffee and cheesecake. She was chewing her nails and crunching them loudly... To the extent that people at the next table were looking at us as if to ask "what the hell is wrong with her? Doesn't she have any social awareness? People are trying to eat around here..".
My friend has some issues with her relationship but chooses to stay in it regardless of him being a controller. She knows what we all think about that.
I just wish she's stop this filthy habit when in other people's company, particularly when people are trying to enjoy a coffee.
AIBU to be disgusted?

You sound vile and so do the people on the next table.

I hate people biting their nails as it goes right through me but I would still never be so bitchy about someone doing it.

I hope she has better friends than you she can rely on.

Biting your nails, pulling hair, picking skin, biting lips etc are all expressions of anxiety, as well as being habits that people get very used to from childhood. If she has issues with her life she needs therapy, not someone calling her ticks disgusting. I'm not saying it's fun to watch, but just meet her somewhere without a meal or in private. It doesn't sound like you've her interests at heart, more that you're embarrassed by her.

You sound like an asshole.

You're not actually her friend are you?

And you have no idea what the people on other tables were thinking unless they voiced it. You're projecting.

You remind me of family members who used to shame me for similar, rather than caring to understand and offer love. You're choosing to be shit. You're a shit friend.

DH is an obsessive nail picker but he knows that it's not pleasant if we're eating or are out anywhere. I would have really struggled as I'm so noise sensitive.

I wouldn't meet for food or coffee again. Go for a walk somewhere where natural noise will drown out the sound of her picking/biting.

Neither of you are in the wrong here.

Good friend: "Jane, I can't help but notice that you're biting your nails a lot and seem quite anxious, is everything OK? Would you like to talk?"

Shit friend: Ignore then go and bitch about friend and her relationship on social media.

This.

To be disgusted is a horrible thing to say. If you really cared you perhaps broach the subject of how to help her rather than judging her.

My dh started biting his fingers after his df died.
He stopped his anxiety meds without advice so I do get a bit cross with him.
His nails are chewed to the quick.
He doesn’t do it when we’re out though.
Whatever the reason it is gross imo.

You’re no friend are you. Try having a little empathy for what she’s going through. You clearly have no sympathy for her. She deserves better.

I grew up in a very dysfunctional home and had so much anxiety as a child I chewed my fingernails to-well I won’t say but it was gross. It was entirely due to anxiety and when I grew up and lived on my own I naturally stopped

it sounds like your friend is in bad place sorry it disgusts you but I’m pretty sure she doesn’t do it with that intention.

I think you're allowed to feel how you do about her habits. It doesn't sound pleasant to witness. However, there is clearly something up and I think a supportive friend would look to help her address the underlying issues causing the habits.

I do it. And I scratch my legs. It's generally an anxiety/ADHD/stress related thing and I'm usually not aware I'm doing it.
A very very lovely friend caught me doing it while we were together one evening and took my hands and said "are you ok?" and let me talk. She didn't judge or say I was disgusting. You friend might appreciate this, I don't imagine she's doing it on purpose to annoy you.....

Provocative first post, followed by silence. Okay, then.

Tbh I’m a nail biter, but I would never do it when out in public. I do it at home, and have had the habit for years. It’s a habit, just like drinking or smoking, and not necessarily some sort of mental illness or severe anxiety. Just sounds like she needs a bit more self awareness when out in public. Just mention it to her. I do it when watching TV, and as silly as it sounds I don’t realise I’m doing it half the time, unless my dh (who gets really annoyed with me) points it out.

I chew my nails, play with my hair and scratch when my anxiety is high

She's TRAPPED in an abusive relationship (I'm surprised only one other PP has picked up on your comment about her leaving it as if it's easy to do) and her friends will only judge her rather than help

Don't go somewhere you eat if you have an issue with it

But it's hardly disgusting really. We use our hands to eat. They go near our mouth, or into our mouth to lick something off sometimes!, when eating. It's not like scratching your arse whilst eating!

I have a Severe problem with skin and nail picking due to autism and anxiety. Half the time i don’t even realise im doing it.

My (arsehole) ex gp put it in my notes as ‘SELF HARM’ and then when I saw a dermatologist about eczema they just accused me of making it worse by picking as I picked my nails / fingers. So then 2 drs had written SH.

I then had huge issues getting life insurance as had SH on my medical notes and at a later date the same gp referred to SS who also questioned me intensively about it and it’s literally something harmless (except the odd case of paronychia)

Flip side
I'm normally pretty together.
Recently went through a family crisis but didn't tell anyone.
Wine with a friend and I was biting my nails. She acknowledged my stress levels and we had a really good talk. Helped me lots.
Try being that friend.

I bite nails and pick at the skin, it's connected to ocd apparently. In fact my hands are real mess at the moment. I know I cause myself pain, I've had infections before. My nails look horrible, I can bite them right down, in fact I made one bleed earlier. It's really bad when I'm anxious or nervous. Most of the time I don't realise I'm doing it.

I've tried stopping, I last a few weeks and it starts again. Painting stuff on doesn't work, I get used to the taste, nail varnish doesn't work as I just pick the varnish off.

I've been doing it for over 40 years. I'm perfectly sane, no psychological issues, not on the spectrum, not depressed.

I hate my hands and hate showing them to people.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/gb/conditions/onychophagia-nail-biting%3famp

You sound quite a delight. I think I'd chew my nails faced with a similar 'friend'.

Ask her if she’s alright?

it must really hurt. I get dermatitis which causes cracks in the skin over my fingertips and it’s so sore.

What you refer to as a “filthy habit” is likely rooted in trauma. You dont sound like you have the empathy she would need were she to open up.