Friends lied to us

[QuirkyPearlSwan]

So me and my husband made friends with another couple at school when picking up kids over ten years ago we became really goods mate. All the kids got along so everything was brilliant ( holidays, days out, nights out). We have 2 kids 1 child that has a serve heart condition which has led him to have several surgery’s in his life with still more to come in following years. as friends they knew about my child health.

Friends they went on to have another child which when baby was born they told me that she has a heart condition so we offered help and support and advise to them (I did find it strange that when they told use they didn’t seem to bothered with the news)
so today I got a shock when grandparents of child picked up other kids from school as the child was in hospital and when I asked how heart condition is they said she not got a heart condition

so now I’m confused to why they lied to use when they no what it as been like for use and all the worry we have been through and still are.

I feel angry I am glad her daughter ok but feel like how can they been friends with us with a big lie like that

They might not have told the grandparents.

It could have been a suspected heart condition at birth that following investigations turned out to be ok

Our DC was born with a hole in the heart, but following medical worry and investigation, it was found to be inconsequential. I didn't tell people about the hole at all but a more sharey person might have. Especially in the midst of worry and if they thought you'd understand.

You don't know for sure they lied.

So the child is in hospital though?

Are you entirely sure the grandparents have the full picture? If you met my parents they would know everything regarding our DC’s health, my in laws would know about 30%.

Your concern and potential hurt over this is completely understandable but you need to find out more details before accusing your friends of lying.

They may not have wanted to worry the gps, or the child’s diagnosis may have changed, or their health condition may have resolved, but you need to ask them directly op.

The child was in for a minor accident at a&e home few hours later and they are really close with grandparent that why I was confused. they told me after diagnosis and having checkups child now 9

they told some little lies to use before that’s why I don’t know what to believe

If they have a habit of lying to you I’d just quietly distance myself. Seems like needless drama just waiting to happen.

What heart condition did they say she had? My DD had a heart murmur but grew out of it by the time she was 6.

Since they first told you has it ever come up again? How old is their dc in question?

Some kids grow out of minor heart conditions… but if they did lie to you, that’s weird.

When people lie like that, a massive lie, it would be rare both of them are complicit. It's usually the one person who is a fantasist, not both.
If one had told you but asked you to not bring it up to the other parent because they'd be triggered or another excuse, I'd suspect a liar, the fact they've both told you it's more likely they've just not told the grandparents. I don't tell my dcs grandparents half of the things that happens with us, they aren't helpful and frankly make situations worse.

If they're both liars then I'm sorry for you, you've been unlucky to find a lying duo but sadly, even though rare, it does happen.

its very unlikely they both lied. Talk to them about this, I am sure there is a reasonable explanation for the confusion.

Could the child have been born with a minor heart condition that sorted itself out? My eldest had a hole in his heart that closed itself by the time he was 4. Maybe they didn't want to tell you in case it would upset you that that couldn't happen for you?

Either that or they are a pair of serial lying nutjobs and they'll be an ITV mini series about them soon enough.

Presumably they would have given you details. Being local to you they would have cardiologist etc that you would know. There’s not that many paeds cardiologists out there. Ask them. Also surely they would have shared actual diagnosis which can range from very mild to life limiting etc. Get more info before you make up your mind.

Grandparents may not know. Just ask them outright- say something like “i mentioned heart condition to your parents and they didn’t seem to know- do they not know? Sorry if I shouldn’t have mentioned it” see what they say. You can only clear this up by asking.

My heart condition I was born with sorted itself out by time I was an adult. It was monitored for a few years same with dd. Dd was discharged from the hospital re her heart aged 4. Grandparents might not know. However if they have a habit of lying that's strange.

Were they specific about the heart condition? Were they saying the child has to have regular treatments or hospital stays?

What prompted you asking the gp about the heart condition?

It's a really odd question to ask a grandparent of someone you are supposed to be friends with.
Even if child did have heart condition if I were grandparent I'd have brushed you off too.
Also your dramatic immediate shift to "they lied to me" may be symptomatic of the reason you're not close to these guys anymore.

The grandparents may not no or understand. My daughter had SVT when born which caused chaos in the first year but she eventually outgrow it. It can come back but it may not. You don’t no for certain they’ve lied until you ask them.

Wow, you made a very quick jump to “they lied to me about their child’s heart condition” simply because grandparents brushed you off when you asked a nosey question. You’re clearly not a very good friend to them.

I think it's possible the grandparent didn't feel comfortable talking to you about their grandchild's serious illness.
My husband has told people about my health condition and I've denied it when they asked me later. I just couldn't bare talking about it, even with people I generally like.

Being 2 sets of parents with a lot in common, ie: a heart complaint, did you and the other parents not have any lengthy conversations about your worries, your child's progress etc?
I would think it would be a regular topic of conversation, how's things, what treatments have they had etc, or do they never talk about it you?.
Seems an odd thing to lie about unless they have munchausens by proxy

Your post reads like you jumped to the conclusion that the child was in hospital due to the heart condition and the grandparents were telling you they weren't in hospital due to that. Which is different to the child not having a heart condition at all. (It's otherwise rather odd to randomly ask about an ongoing medical issue that is entirely unrelated to the minor accident).
So maybe the grandparents were equally confused.

Maybe baby had a heart murmur at birth (common) and they interpreted that in itself as a heart condition? It would have then resolved (like most do) and not relevant anymore, and they felt awkward saying “oh actually baby’s heart is fine oops” when you’ve had to deal with an actual heart condition for years etc? Of course if that’s the case they should have just said it, but I can imagine them feeling weird about it.

Weird to assume it's a big lie. Much more likely to be one of the other options - grandparents unaware, heart condition only suspected or went away, any number of other things than that your friends both lied to you about this.

This seems like a complete non-issue and quite strange to jump to a conclusion like that, especially if these are close friends.
The three scenarios offered above are most likely - GPs don't know, the child grew out of the condition/it's been resolved or GPs were confused about your question and thought you were asking them about this particular hospital stay which is unrelated.