Friends lied to us

[QuirkyPearlSwan]

So me and my husband made friends with another couple at school when picking up kids over ten years ago we became really goods mate. All the kids got along so everything was brilliant ( holidays, days out, nights out). We have 2 kids 1 child that has a serve heart condition which has led him to have several surgery’s in his life with still more to come in following years. as friends they knew about my child health.

Friends they went on to have another child which when baby was born they told me that she has a heart condition so we offered help and support and advise to them (I did find it strange that when they told use they didn’t seem to bothered with the news)
so today I got a shock when grandparents of child picked up other kids from school as the child was in hospital and when I asked how heart condition is they said she not got a heart condition

so now I’m confused to why they lied to use when they no what it as been like for use and all the worry we have been through and still are.

I feel angry I am glad her daughter ok but feel like how can they been friends with us with a big lie like that

Maybe the grandmother didn't want to discuss personal details of her granddaughter in the playground, where others could overhear including the child's sibling, who may be unaware.

According to the NHS, my DD has a heart condition. Her heart is actually entirely normal. She was premature, and there is a small hole which closes up late in pregnancy, so many prem babies have that hole, and checks are made to see that it has closed up within a few weeks. I didn't realise it meant a permanent marker on her health record until we asked why she's entitled to a flu jab!

I think it is more likely that the grandparents don't know rather then the two friends created this big lie. My daughter had a heart problem at birth and I didn't tell my dad because he would worry about it too much. She also grew out of the condition.

I agree with everyone else. You're making a big leap.

My eldest was born with a hole in his heart. It resolved itself and after a couple of hospital appointments that was it. They said tell him not to start a career as a deep sea diver or an astronaut but otherwise nothing more to do from a medical perspective.
My parents and DH's parents did know but I suspect they've forgotten. DS himself has probably forgotten.

Just ask them.

They are not obliged to tell you everything about their child's medical conditions, and they are no obliged to tell the grandparents either.

What you should not be doing is blurting out stuff to grandparents.

My two-year-old also has a heart condition - a murmur - and is under investigation for it and a few other issues. We have not told her grandmother about any of it, as she would just worry herself sick, but a handful of friends do know. So could very well have a similar situation, where her grandmother would say she doesn’t have any health issues (she presents as well) while in fact she will be under paediatric care for years (if not her whole life).

Weird to ask GPs

Maybe the grandparents didn't want to discuss it, or weren't sure if the parents were happy for it to be discussed? I think it's odd you asked them to be honest.

What sort of lies have they told you previously? Lies will always benefit the liar so it would be interesting to know in what way they lie so we can see how they are benefiting.

I would say to them “I’m so sorry, I mentioned X’s heart condition to GP, I didn’t realise they didn’t know, I feel so bad.” Their reaction will tell them all you need to know I reckon.

My father in law is medically unintelligent. Even the most basic medical information he can’t understand and confuses it so keep in mind that the GP could either be confused or might not feel comfortable discussing their grandchild’s medical history with a school mum.

My FIL has told people he’s got cancer when he had a routing prostrate cancer test (that came back negative), told family members that a terminally ill relative was ‘going to be fine’ and that our little girl who had a viral infection was ‘deathly ill’. It’s frustrating as a relative of his, constantly having to correct what he’s saying so keep in mind that there might be a similar situation. We don’t tell him about anything medically related unless necessary now as it’s too much hassle.

I’m surprised you call them friends but assume they are lying as your first thought, it is very clear they may never have told the grandparents, and that could be very many reasons.

why would you ask the gran that. It’s such a weird thing to do.

This!!

I had a heart condition I grew out of as a toddler and by the time I was a young adult my mum couldn’t even remember what it was I had 🤣

Agree with this, you have no idea what they've told the grandparents and that's their right, you may have opened up a can of worms for the parents now. Why couldn't you have just exchanged light pleasantries instead of asking about the medical issues of the child? It seems weird to me.

Yes I find it weird, if you’re friends there was absolutely no reason to ask the grandparent in passing how the child’s heart condition was. As you’d know. It is such a weird intrusive thing to do.

Why did you ask the grandparents? Such a weird thing to do considering you see the parents regularly.

One of my dc has a medical condition that their siblings, teachers and doctors know about, but nobody else does, it's her story to tell and it's up to her who she wants to know.

You've went parading in for some unknown reason, and have been shut down, and now assume its due to lies, and not due to grandparents not wishing to discuss private medical details with an unknown in the playground, or maybe even not knowing about it.

I am guessing it is a communication issue. My parents were told I had a heart murmur, but I don't have one now - this doesn't mean they lied. Or the grandparents may have thought you were digging for information they shouldn't give, or their son/daughter may have chosen not to worry them without good reason. So many things are more likely than your friends making up a lie about their child having a heart condition.

I wouldn't stay friends with someone who lied about their child's illness. I'd take a big step back. You could tell them that the grandparent told you, there is no heart condition and see what they say.

Even though she’s no idea if they lied? You’d recommends stepping back anyway. Odd.

You can clearly see from my comment I said, tell the parents what the grandparent said, and see what they say! If they have lied then of course I'd back away. I don't like people like you nit picking at posters comments. Just post your own and move on.

What are the other lies they've told in the past?

I think I'd just mention to the friends - "oh, I mentioned XX's heart condition to their GPs and they didn't seem to know..." and see what they say. If it becomes clear they lied then definitely distance yourselves. If they did, what a terrible thing to lie about.

What do you think they had to gain from lying to you about their child's heart condition?

Perhaps they meant she doesn't have a heart condition now? My baby was born with small holes in his heart but the doctors said they would close naturally over time. They haven't closed yet but I guess in the future if they did I would count him as not having a heart condition even though he did at birth. That might also explain why they didn't seem bothered when they told you as we were told at birth that it was very unlikely to cause any problems and would probably sort itself out. If they did lie though that is really strange

😂