to think a 7yo should be able to use knife and fork

[haveatye]

We try, but she refuses. Usually tired at dinner and a strop ensues if we try to insist.

Any tips? Do they teach them about it at school? I think seven is old enough to do this!

How does she eat her dinner? Say you have spaghetti bolognese or something?

This is not a skill for the school to teach.

How has she got to age 7 without you teaching this before?

It’s not schools job, it’s yours, and yes 7 for a NT child is very late to not to be able to use them. Can you go all out on practice at weekends and school holidays ?

No, of course school don't teach them table manners.

Most kids learn long before they start reception. Be firm and consistent, a 7year old cannot possibly eat their entire meals with a spoon? Their fingers?

You'll be amazed at how many children cannot use a knife and fork properly (one of mine included!)

sadly, some adults still can't, so I imagine they won't teach their own kids. It's pretty depressing.

Both of mine (8 and 11) are awful. It's not that we haven't tried! Causes countless arguments at mealtimes. Would rather stab a piece of meat with their fork and then bite pieces off than actually cut it.

Earlier in the year we had to work really hard to get our 7 year old to use a knife and fork (he could just didn’t want to!). We just kept reminding him he needed to use them and not to bite food off his fork but to cut it first. I think you just have to be insistent; 7 is too old for tantrums over something like this!

Is this a joke? Does she only eat finger food? You’re about four years late as well. How is she ever going to eat a roast dinner with gravy, for instance? Come on, do your parenting job properly 🙄

How is she holding other things like pencils and. She dexterous in other areas generally?

Does it cause her pain to hold cutlery or she can't or just doesn't want to

Use the weekends to make sure breakfast and lunch are foods she can't use her hands for, think spaghetti bolognase, soup. Then the tiredness excuse isn't a factor. Do it at dinner too. I would also be rewarding positive behaviour, go back to basics with a sticker chart and a reward at the end of the week. And don't reward if expectations aren't met.

Unfortunately you need to set a boundary and stick to it. Or kids will choose to go the easy option a lot of the time.

We just moved after splitting with their dad, at the old house due to sleeping arrangements the dining table was out of action for a few months. So when we moved I focused on the dining table rules, cutlery and even my 2 year old is trying to use a in knife now.

Persevere.

We didn't really teach but from young age they had children's knife and fork to use. They copied us.

My son is nearly 6 and I still need to remind him to use his cutlery / hold his knife in this way / not just grab food. It's very tedious/ frustrating.

My youngest is 2 and automatically picks up her cutlery and gives it a good go.

Both obviously identical upbringing, it is luck of the draw!

It could be that she finds it really really hard and when tired its too much. My DS struggled too even by 7 we had constant arguments, I'd find him putting his hands into his food even wet messy foods. He also refused to learn to tie laces, along with some other basic things. He was diagnosed with dyspraxia at 10 and it explains a lot. He can do it now but it took years and he still will try to avoid it

I know someone strapped a knife and fork to their kids hands to force them to learn, it seems a bit harsh to me but maybe it will work for you. If you are sure there are no physical issues.

Meh, mine know but tend to use a fork 90% of the time. If in public and eating something that requires them they do so. But I find most the food we eat only requires a fork, stir fry, Risotto, couscous.

Well, can she physically not or does she just not want to?

I don't think it's a problem if she doesn't want to (as long as she can)

If she can't, I would take her to the GP and see about getting her hand strength/dexterity looked at.

How is her handwriting?

Me too. We can all use a knife and fork but we just use a fork to cut food too.
Life’s too short and it doesn’t matter really. Far more important things to be thinking about.

Maybe your dd can but won’t ?

My family is of Mediterranean roots and most of the food we eat is manageable by fork only.

I put it down to culture.

This may be obvious...but have you actually taught them how? As in shown them how to hold it correctly, and then stand behind them with your hands over theirs and 'drive' the cutlery yourself to show and talk them through exactly how to choose an easy to cut end/corner, where to stab it with the fork and how to cut it off?

So many children are supposed to just pick it up by magic but it's a number of linked skills.

I looked after a boy, older than yours, who ate like a pig, fingers or the stab in the whole thing and take bites of it. Always being told off for this (not by me). One day I cracked and did the above and he got it in seconds. He then started crying and got quite angry about how easy it was and why had noone ever showed him this.

What cutlery is she using? Is it too big, too small? Too heavy or not solid enough? Might be worth trying to find a more appealing little set of cutlery that will encourage her to use it.

Thanks everyone (slightly smaller thanks to the people who just wanted to take a crack at my parenting!)

She's absolutely fine with motor control and writing etc. She has always been given a childsized knife and fork at mealtimes. However she only uses the fork. Will occasionally use the knife but insists on holding it the wrong way and in the wrong hand. Her 5yo brother won't use the knife either.

We eat together and DH and I use knife and fork properly. I assumed she'd copy us at some point, but she hasn't. We don't need knives at breakfast, she has lunch at school on weekdays, and at dinner she seems too tired to be receptive to learning about it.

I'll try a reward chart. I was curious if they touch on it at school rather than expecting them to do the job for me.

They don't eat with their hands, always use a fork but won't go for a knife. Was just wondering if anyone had tips.

No, schools don't generally teach kids how to do it.
But saying that - my mum was a dinner lady and table manners were her thing. She made it her mission to teach them all how to use a knife and fork properly and I am sure your DC won't be the only one who is struggling.
She failed with me - I still eat with my knife and fork the wrong way round. Weirdly so does DH.

Don't make a big thing out of it, she'll get there in the end. Same as potty training. She's not going to be like this as an adult.

I eat with my cutlery in the wrong hands, as does my brother. He's left handed, though, so it looks like the "right" way.

I've literally never had anyone comment except my parents. Don't worry about it, OP.

And DP, but I think that's just him being fussy. He thinks it's more efficient to have your knife in your dominant hand, but I find it awkward.

I've just realised that DS, also left handed, uses his for in his dominant hand too. DD (right handed) uses them properly.

Try with adult cutlery at that age. So she's choosing not too and it's not a fine motor issue. I would explain that now the toddler ages are well gone the choice is also gone, she will have to eat in public at some point and sge will look like a toddler eating like that. Then introduce a reward for eating like a 7 year old. Model it though and show her how hand over hand to do it. Persistence, she's not too tired to pick up a knife at 7 she's choosing not to as it's not enforced in your house, you can change that.

The school doesn’t tech this.

When my daughter was starting Reception, we had a letter with things they should be able to do before starting, and this was one.

I’m guessing they no longer send those letters.