to think a 7yo should be able to use knife and fork

[haveatye]

We try, but she refuses. Usually tired at dinner and a strop ensues if we try to insist.

Any tips? Do they teach them about it at school? I think seven is old enough to do this!

As a tip: if you are going to practice at the weekend, don’t do it at meal time. Practice cutting on a ripe banana or something squishy, then you can show her how to hold the knife and fork, like a PP said, by standing behind here and steering her hands. Another skill to practice with a banana is spreading with a knife - try it on a crust or some toast so it’s quite robust. Good luck

I think this is borne out of baby led weaning with finger food. All of mine have been weaned this way and tbh they would still rather use their hands than a knife and fork. They’re all fine now they’re older but my youngest who’s seven years old will only begrudgingly use a fork.

Anything that they can possibly eat with fingers, they’ll do so (including peas 😅)

My son (11)is like this- uses fork or hands. Well able to use knife and fork but no interest. Will use fork but very rarely knife. Sometimes uses hands (generally at the worst possible time eg my mum or mother in law about!!!

Practice on breakfasts to start with if you can

A couple of weeks of pancakes and fruit - ask her to cut the fruit and put it on the plates with the pancakes as her job. Fruit is soft and easy to cut, so not too frustrating. Then with weekends you make the sandwich, she cuts them down the middle for all of you. Try to get her involved in the food prep and then when eating remind her to use knife as hopefully she'll have gained some confidence.

Pancakes/fruit are the easiest to do

No worries what hands she holds the knife/fork in. Some people are right handed and eat left handed their whole lives - no issue really

Food is to be enjoyed, no matter how you go about it.

If I had done that as a child of that age, my father would have removed my food and thrown it away and I wouldn't have been allowed anything else to eat until the next meal was served! That was how most of my peers were brought up in the '60s too.

Pretty much everyone learned how to use a knife and fork properly, how to tie shoelaces, how to do up cuff buttons and how to put on a tie by the age of six or seven. Many, myself included, learned these things before they started school.

Sorry but yes this is a basic life skill that you need to teach your child. At 7 she is more than old enough to use cutlery appropriately.

Every time you think it’s just too hard imagine her at her wedding stabbing food and not knowing proper manners.. if that doesn’t give you motivation than how about all the hard work she’ll put in for a good education just to be scuppered because she can’t attend a business lunch or dinner without embarrassing herself.

Seriously young people face all kinds of challenges when they grow up. Why would you want this to be one of them?

So yes this is firmly in the ‘you need to parent’ bucket.

Using a fork is easy but learning to use a knife neatly is hard. And you are very late starting.

DC is left handed so I started very early and rode her hard over it but it has paid off. Other mothers have told me she has beautiful manners and I know it was her table manners they were talking about. But, OMG, when other kids start coming for dinner, you see what a lack of training in this leads to. Some teenagers have absolutely no idea and it looks awful and, occasionally, dangerous.

I know people (this thread included) say it doesn’t matter what hand you use for what but, around a crowded table, it really works to have everyone’s elbows doing the same thing. They seem to knit better or something.

Sounds like great parenting 🙄

I work in a dinner hall and try to show the children how to use their cutlery properly when there’s time. Think of it as a work in progress rather than an age-related thing. I have reception children who can cut up most things ok, and seven year olds who still need a bit of help. They all learn at a different pace. My own child is a teen and struggles with a knife and fork, although she does try. However, we are awaiting a rheumatology appointment!

if she is too tired in the evening what is she likes at the weekend?
she could be picking up bad habits at school

This! ⬆️

School has enough to teach - this is most definitely not their job!!

Why would the school teach this...it's you that needs to teach this. Saying that I have a 7 year old too and we got the fork bit sorted but I'm struggling with her holding the knife too...says it heavy. She knows what to do. Work in progress still at my house!

I agree with this, my dd16 had terrible table manners for ages but has learned how to eat
‘properly’ over the last few years due to peer pressure.
Most of the food they eat out of the house is eaten with chop sticks (Asian food) hands (pizza, chicken) or just a fork (pasta) so not much cause to use the traditional knife and fork combo.

Not the schools job. This should be taught at 2 and 3.

Playdoh. Its good for all sorts of motor skills.

No this isn’t taught at school, not state schools anyway. I remember my headmaster in primary always used to come over and switch my knife and fork to the other hand as I hold them incorrectly as that’s how my parents taught me as they also hold the knife in the incorrect hand. My kids have struggled a bit with cutting over the years, but eventually got the hang of it, but I see my daughter cutting meat and it still looks a bit wrong. I probably should have corrected her more but she’s had issues with food at times so I didn’t want to comment on anything to do with eating / food

Have you tried some easy to use cutlery? Link to the medical type stuff but cheap cutlery that is hollow (if metal) and quite widecan make life so much easier. Or ones with a plastic handle that were common in the 1980s - you might get some in a charity shop.

https://www.careco.co.uk/living-aids/kitchen-aids/cutlery/

OP

My brother went to a children's party at about 11. A group of kids with an oversized home made die, a selection of dressing up clothes and a knife and fork were on the side with a large bar of chocolate.

If someone rolled a six then they had to put on the clothes and cut a piece of chocolate to eat. But the others carried on rolling the die. so if someone rolled a six you didn't get your chocolate.

It might be worth creating a version of this, as someone else suggested fruit could be used.

Or if you don't mind a bit of mess fruit and a chocolate dip / sauce but the fruit has to be on the fork and in your left hand.

Also as PP have said, have you actually shown her how to use a knife and fork.

My kids don't use a knife and fork but I don't really understand why they would need to. Surely if they can eat the meal fine without a knife then they didn't need it? I don't really think to give them a knife when I plate up. We all use fork/spoon/hands depending on the food but I can't think of what the knife is for.

It's a parents' job.

It really doesn't matter. I've been alive 37 years and have never bumped elbows with anyone.

You wouldn't force someone to change what hand they write with and you could use the same 'elbow' argument there so why is cutlery any different?

Does anyone know where you can get child sized knives that can cut food properly? DS is 5 generally good at using knife and fork in the correct hands, slipped a bit when he started school because he saw peers picking things up with fingers, stabbing things and eating like a lollypop. We've corrected him and he can do it, as an aside DH didn't routinely use his cutlery in the proper way until we had ds and I was teaching him (not my place to correct an adult's cutlery use so hadn't said anything to dh) so I think a lot of children are but shown .

The challenge we have now is a lot of children's cutlery is really blunt, his hands are too small for an adult knife but the ones he has are not sharp enough to effectively cut eg a griddled chicken breast or a piece of steak/meat.
We've tried the various supermarket ones and have landed on the metal IKEA ones as he prefers no plastic handle and they are just small metal cutlery, but the knife isn't sharp enough

Do they teach them at school?
No, that’s one of those things parents are supposed to do.
But no doubt it’ll pop upon the curriculum.

I would be fairly relaxed about this… always give them a knife and fork and ask them to use it but ultimately don’t make it as not a battle. my 9 and 6 year old sound about the same as yours. But whenever w have play dates I’m always impressed by their friends table manners and comment so to their parents. Most parents reply with ‘what they actually used cutlery’. I think it something that most kids can do but as you say they’ve had a long day and are tired.

Thanks for this - never even thought about anything like that! V useful!