AIBU or is screen time ruining our kids?

[newbienel]

I just got back from a holiday in Mallorca with my family and I cannot comprehend what I saw when I was there. So many kids being pushed around in their buggy with big screens in front of their faces- iPads or phones, it was so shocking. Little kids trailing behind their parents watching something on an iPhone.

I was especially shocked about was the amount of screens being used by parents at the restaurants. Every night I saw families plonking their kids (some as young as 10 or 11 months old) in front of screens at the table, not paying any attention to them, or talking to them much. I also have to say it was mostly Uk families I saw doing this, not so many German families or Dutch.

What are we doing to this next generation? AIBU to think this is just getting out of hand and our kids will be addicted and not well adjusted? I can understand some screen time is ok, especially when parents need a break, but it just seemed out of hand..

You're not sampling accurately though if you're on holiday. Many families might have 0 screen time at home and think they're on holiday so give themselves a break.

That's a fair comment, but it didn't look to me like these kids were used to 0 screen time. Maybe I'm wrong, but I would say for 90% of the families I saw it looked like it was normal behavior and not something which was a treat on holiday.

YANBU - absolutely cannot stand the way so many kids can't even get through a meal without some YouTube shite blaring at them from a phone.

And let's not pretend all these kids have additional needs or some excuse like above that it's a treat - mostly it's lazy arsed parents who can't be bothered. All this "they don't eat without it" shite, well who introduced the thing in the first place hey? We have never allowed screens at the table and mine all eat just fine.

I agree, it's madness

I don't disagree in principle, and don't use screens when out and about with mine (although they get plenty of TV at home). I'd be wary of judging individual families though, especially on holidays. Kids can be tired, overheated, grumpy from being out of routine etc. Sometimes needs must.

The BBC story yesterday(?) about teens giving up their phones or a short period was quite interesting. They self-reported lower stress levels and being able to properly disconnect and find time for relaxing hobbies.

Obviously very small and not scientific, but I do think the feeling of having "no time" in adulthood is exacerbated by a lot more screen time in general. Which becomes a greater concern if seeded as normality in childhood.

I swear this literal exact thread gets posted every 6 weeks or so.

I could have written this. My head was spinning on a recent holiday, looking around the restaurant and almost every child was glued to a screen with headphones on while they ate. Broke my heart to see. Yes they’re a pain sometimes at mealtimes, but they have to learn not to be and that means parents putting in some effort. We allowed ours a bit more screen time because we were on holiday but never, ever watching iPads at the dinner table! Over the course of a week it was the same, every meal even breakfast.

The worst was a tiny baby, can’t have been more than six months, at the table with both parents and two grandparents and at the slightest peep from the baby, an iPad with cocomelon (?) was propped up in its face while the family had a nice quiet lunch. The baby looked quite disturbingly hypnotised, honestly the expression on its face was just….vacant and I found it jarring and upsetting to see. Between four adults they couldn’t pause eating for a few minutes to take turns interacting with the baby. Yes I judged, I judged hard.

It’s terrifying what this is doing to our children.

I agree to a certain extent but try not to think about it.. we have a tablet that our son is allowed to use on weekends and it has a time restriction, but at the airport and on plane we just let him use as much as he likes because he's not patient in that environment.. we don't use them for sitting down to eat at all, but I do know we use them (with earphones) at the airport and on the plane and for all I know someone could be making judgements on that. Granted we could do it without - but for a 2 hour airport wait and however long the flight is we do go for the 'easy option'..

Given I don't know the circumstances or what the families around have tried, I try not to judge. But I do agree that overall it does seem like a high volume of families do the screens at every meal. I definately noticed on last holiday that it seemed like only us and one other family didn't have the screens out at breakfast lunch and dinner - but we got talking to them and the kids made friends, that was nice!

Yup, yup. Maybe we should blame it on lack of attention span caused by too much screen time.

We have kindles for car journeys but I've learnt from experience that if my 5 year olds watch or play games on it in the house they are a nightmare, so they have been banned from watching it when not in the car.

The only thing I do consent to let them watch is you tube kids the how to draw with the american guy and one of his kids. They both love drawing

In defence of the parents on your holiday though, we took our twins to Menorca for the first time abroad last year and for the first few days we found the whole all inclusive dining experience to be horrific. They were totally overwhelmed with the noise, amount of choice and all the people so we did allow them to have their kindles as it settled them down and allowed us to get something to eat.

Or maybe it’s just a very important issue which a lot of people are justifiably extremely worried about?

This generation is fked and it'll only get worse. But you cant take technology backwards sadly.

This 100%.

My thoughts exactly, I saw similar things and found it very upsetting to witness.

Im not surprised lol. It's been an issue for at least 10 years now, when Ipads, kindles started creeping in. Remember the days when kids would sit at restaurants without them and either sit quietly or engage in conversation? They're the modern day dummy, available from birth till death in one format or another.

I agree although as someone said upthread that isn’t a fair sample. I have 3 young children and we regularly go out for lunch, meet friends at pubs, cafes etc and neither us nor any of our friends use screens on these occasions. I was on holiday last year and again none of the families where I was were using screens during meals (all British holiday makers).
I do hate it when I see it though, particularly a baby in a buggy. But I try not to judge as I don’t know their circumstances.
I know there are times where it makes life easier for everyone and every child is different, but I do think it’s so much better for (most) children to have a meal with family without screens. Chatting, playing card games etc all so much better for social skills.

It's probably because we have a serious problem and to be honest I feel helpless about it. I can't help but think how messed up this next generation will be if it carries on like this, I feel very sad for my 15 month old son growing up with all this technology and addiction. i hope we do not mess this generation up with all this screen time.

Total bug bear of mine!

I have a 2.5, 5 & 6 year old. I have been taking them out (often on my own) for meals since they were babies. It'd be a cold, hard day in hell before they were allowed tablets/phones at a dinner table!

They are children, they have to LEARN manners, to sit nicely and engage in conversation. No chance of that with a tablet in their face.

We do take books or colouring books for the wait pre-food which sometimes they do themselves and sometimes we do together. It is definitely harder if there are other adults there who want to talk to you more. But there's feck all excuse. It's just laziness! Yes I'm judging because your child will end up being the kid who can't sit still and distracts my child at school!

As for children in buggies with phones... Horrific!

Pre iPads and phones there may have been some well behaved kids sitting quietly, but not all of them. You'd see parents had taken things with them to entertain the kids but they soon got bored.

My DNephew used to get lots of screen time and the more aggressive type of programmes and it did affect him so now it’s stopped.

His best friend though constantly is either on an iPad or watching TV. I’m sure his parents do interact with him but his DM works away for work a bit.

Mmm possibly because they were on holiday but tbh we don’t use a screen when eating with our 4yr old. She wouldn’t have learned how to eat with other people if we did that. I do let Dd play a maths app when in the car and she watches plenty of TV but when we were out and about we just talk to her. Yes it means we probably can’t have the conversation we want and yes it can be hard work but that’s just being a parent.

There was a thread with a link to a bbc article about children turning up to school with delayed speech, this kind of thing probably contributes to it.

The baby example is ridiculous, we just passed Dd between us when we were out and she was small, mainly she was just looking at stuff. No baby needs to be propped up in front of a screen.

@ThisKookyBlueSnake of course, it wasnt all perfect in the olden days but screens are an absolute scourge. Remember when Mcdonalds brought them in which was the stupidest of ideas. It was never the calmest of environments but an occasional treat then all of a sudden every brat wants to fight over those ipads theyve got tethered to a big old table. If you tell your kids no they longingly look over at the other kids playing like youre a bad parent. Then they get their meals, throw them down their necks so they can run back and get back on the ipad. No point going. And yes, I know Mcdonalds isn't exactly a nice restaurant but its the principle. How long before the other big chains start bringing tech into dining areas.

Yup we spent a year lugging around a bag of crayons or one of those water pen books.

I refuse to let my children have screens outside of the house bar on a flight. The baby is a year old and has yet to watch TV/phone or tablet. Its not needed.

Yes, it's exhausting having to interact with your own kids. It's hard taking them out for a family meal. Just do it earlier before they're tired and bored.

When I have play dates at the house, I set up activities or take them out to the park. They will not be on screens.

The eldest is getting to an age where screens are the expected norm. We still monitor everything and limit tablet use to 45 mins a couple of times a week in the evenings. Weekends we're a bit more relaxed.

There has to be balance and I sure as he'll don't my kid to be the odd one out completely. But, dc friends parents know what we're like and although we get a lot of eye rolls and told we are being unreasonable, I'm sticking to my guns.

Homework, socialising, baby milestones and speech should all come before sticking them in front of a screen. It's lazy parenting.

This. The same got said about tv, record players, cinemas etc etc.