AIBU or is screen time ruining our kids?

[newbienel]

I just got back from a holiday in Mallorca with my family and I cannot comprehend what I saw when I was there. So many kids being pushed around in their buggy with big screens in front of their faces- iPads or phones, it was so shocking. Little kids trailing behind their parents watching something on an iPhone.

I was especially shocked about was the amount of screens being used by parents at the restaurants. Every night I saw families plonking their kids (some as young as 10 or 11 months old) in front of screens at the table, not paying any attention to them, or talking to them much. I also have to say it was mostly Uk families I saw doing this, not so many German families or Dutch.

What are we doing to this next generation? AIBU to think this is just getting out of hand and our kids will be addicted and not well adjusted? I can understand some screen time is ok, especially when parents need a break, but it just seemed out of hand..

I think there's a lot in this and I think it affects adults too. I've noticed a big decline in my cognitive abilities (memory, concentration) in the last few years since smart phone use ramped up (thanks covid) and tbh I've noticed it in a lot of others too. Now imagine if that's how you're raised from year dot. No 'normal' brain development to start with. Quite concerning.

@EatTheGnome and they are crafty little so and sos. They know they can do an innocent puzzle on a screen, finish it quickly then switch apps to watch stupid clips or games. It's nothing more than excuses.

@Turniptracker

We are on holiday too and want to be able to rest

I don't think using technology will help you long term. You just accept that you need to entertain them & go to child friendly places. Spain are better than UK for this.

We used to do things like doodling/colouring, I spy, pointing out things, chatting about the day. I think it's generational to some degree - I'm Gen X & can think of loads of ways to entertain a toddler. I wouldn't be expecting to sit and spend ages at a dinner table either.

Other countries manage it - they just expect their children to sit at the table sensibly. There's even a book about it.

www.thelocal.fr/20120118/2317

Please tell me how you came to the conclusion that random children you were hogging at were regular users of screen?

Just to add that the screen debate has been done to fucking DEATH and it’s boring.

I didn't think too much about this, but very recently, I've changed my opinion after seeing a baby in a pushchair being repeatedly handed a phone by their parent.

The baby was far too young to be able to hold the phone and was at that 'dropping things' phase babies all go through.

Obviously dropping the phone was a problem but the parent persisted and kept shouting baby each time they dropped it. Almost forcing the phone on them. It was horrible. They just wanted parent interaction and she just kept getting a fucking phone. I know there are exceptions, but it's a slippy slope from a bit of quiet time while you have a meal, to choosing technology over family or human interaction

I used to teach and trust me you can sadly spot the 'heavy use of screen' kids very easily. Their attention and focus skills, language skills and fine motor are often very poor.

My daughter’s teacher said something very similar. She said she can especially spot a kid who has access to TikTok.

@Thewildthingsarewithme we think the same as you. Couldn't agree more!

My kids (2 and nearly 6) behave well at restaurants and are great at sitting and chatting etc but that's because we put the work in!

Yes of course it would've been lovely to lob toddler dd an iPad and chat with dh but we tag teamed taking her for walks instead so she could observe / talk about whatever while we waited for the food to come as she was going through a phase where she wasn't great at sitting still.

Indeed. But it's a chance to point out that one's own parenting was/is superior and therefore irresistible.

We'll look back on over- use of screens like we look back on smoking around kids/no seat belts in the 70's - i.e with horror!

I’m a teacher and we’re seeing the impact now. The new wave of kids coming through is nothing like the kids we had only a few years ago. It isn’t an exaggeration to say that they have the attention span of fish. I teach 11 year olds who have no attention span, it just doesn’t exist- no SEN, they’re just not used to concentrating their attention on anything. They need to be constantly stimulated and entertained. They’ve never been left with their own thoughts for more than a few minutes. These are your average kids who’ve clearly been allowed hours of screen time a day.

We’ve been told we need to make our lessons more like YouTube shorts or reels and capture their attention in short 1-2 minute bursts.

I dread to think what it’ll be like in another 5-10 years. I don’t know how children like that will grow into adults who can perform tasks which need a certain level of concentration and focus, like driving.

@bakewellbride exactly! As with most parenting it’s challenging and you have to really stick at it but I agree it’s so worth it in the end. I’m so looking forward to going away with them next month because my eldest is just four but is already such a foodie and loves to take his time over dinner 😂 family mealtimes are generally really enjoyable now and I’m so glad we pushed through!

@KarenOH so why not scroll on by? Btw it's not a debate to me - noone will convince me that we haven't got a massive future public health problem on our hands. Common sense innit?

I saw a young Mum walking with her young child of around 3, earlier. She was talking and laughing with him, no phone in her hand. I was horrified to find myself thinking how unusual and great that was to see!

Can you seriously see it taking a backward step though? I think it's unlikely. The tech revolution is here and we arent going to go back to blackboards in schools.
The landscape has already been differnet for the past decade at least. Hardly any kids playing outside anymore with a football or on a bike. They're all holed up indoors with 10 different screens talking to their pals via whatsapp and shooting americans on call of duty whilst their parents mount bigger and bigger and bigger tvs on the wall. In the words of Private Frazer...............

I'm an adult - with limited screen time and I know that my ability to sit/read/concentrate is shot to bits. That's with 30 odd pre internet years- our poor babies are f*cked :(

@treestump no I can't ! You can't put tech back in the bottle. It's bloody depressing

But why do we need to do something else?

Our average week is my son getting picked up for his special needs school at 7.30am, getting home from school at 4pm. He does Beavers once a week, swimming lessons once a week, and bouldering once a week too. Every evening before bed I read a couple of chapters of a book aloud to him whilst he does some drawings (using the tutorials on the Simply Draw app so - shock horror - screen time), then practices piano together (Simply Piano - more awful screen time) and then he reads independently in bed before sticking his yoto player on. At the weekends we have one day where we are out doing exciting adventurous things (theme parks, zoos, parks, museums) and one day where we potter about at home. I also work full time.

So why, on our one week abroad a year, do I have to fill our time with more stuff than relaxing by the pool with books and screens?

Teaching this new generation of I-pad kids has actually pushed me. I probably wouldn’t have seen it otherwise and felt that people were being precious and over reacting. It’s NOT like the TV or radio as previous posters are saying. Children are being completely over stimulated by most media aimed towards them.

I’m a pretty relaxed parent who will often take the easy option, my eldest had a tablet for a few years when she was younger. Once I started seeing the impact this level of screen time is having on our kids I got rid of it and we never replaced it.

We have meal times as a family every night and, although it is and can be difficult, even my youngest who is only 2 knows how to sit and eat at the dinner table. We can take them out to eat. They can handle boredom. My eldest is extremely creative and resourceful and can sit and concentrate on a task for a huge length of time. People need to realise the little and often impact this is having on their children’s ability to focus.

This has been posted before. The same comparisons against children from other European countries - word for word the same!

Exactly this! @Billyandharry
it’s scary

Oh give it a rest. Would you prefer kids playing up at the dinner table in a restaurant or eating quietly as they watch a cartoon or play a game?

If you compare to generations above, discipline was a lot stricter so kids did what they were told out of fear. New generation aren't subjected to that, thankfully

How will these generations who can't concentrate on more than a tiktok video cope in the work place? People are dismissive that this is just a parenting one upmanship thread but it's a really serious concern for society going forwards. Will the world of work just change dramatically with AI? And how do we find people to live? I forsee a lot of really major changes to come in our lifetimes.

If they're playing up then it's the parents fault. Try engaging them in conversation. "Eating quietly as they play a game" FFS what nonsense its this.
You really dont need fear to make kids behave. Try talking to them and treating them as humans.

I used to work with a lady and her daughter. She went to pick her granddaughter up from the childminder and came back to pick her DD up.
The granddaughter would be about 2 and was sat in the back watching cartoons and they both thought it was great. I just thought it was very sad that they hadn't seen her all day and didn't engage with her so they could chat on the way home.
I also judge parents who push buggy's while looking at their phones. Those poor children.