AIBU or is screen time ruining our kids?

[newbienel]

I just got back from a holiday in Mallorca with my family and I cannot comprehend what I saw when I was there. So many kids being pushed around in their buggy with big screens in front of their faces- iPads or phones, it was so shocking. Little kids trailing behind their parents watching something on an iPhone.

I was especially shocked about was the amount of screens being used by parents at the restaurants. Every night I saw families plonking their kids (some as young as 10 or 11 months old) in front of screens at the table, not paying any attention to them, or talking to them much. I also have to say it was mostly Uk families I saw doing this, not so many German families or Dutch.

What are we doing to this next generation? AIBU to think this is just getting out of hand and our kids will be addicted and not well adjusted? I can understand some screen time is ok, especially when parents need a break, but it just seemed out of hand..

Some drawing materials is hardly 'lugging around'

Yeah cos loads of babies were addictef to going to the cinema and playing records

My DC are 15, 13, 10 and 7. They have no screen time restrictions other than they're not allowed to have devices in their rooms overnight and I have various apps that limit the type of content they can access (e.g., adult sites, sites/apps requiring a purchase, etc). They're very good at self-regulating, sometimes they'll hit them hard and will be square-eyed for large chunks of the day, other times they'll barely touch them - if they even use them at all - and will be off doing other things but they see DH and I modelling self-regulating behaviours so they have examples to copy and they know the screens are there whenever they want them so their attitude towards them is take it or leave it - we've never had a kick off over it being time to put the device down for dinner because they know it'll still be there when dinner is over.

At home they're not allowed screens at the table but on holiday they are. On holiday we spend all day together doing various activities and having some quality time as a family, by the time it gets to dinner everyone needs some time inside their own head especially my DC who are ND. Table against a wall in the quietest corner of the restaurant, headphones in, and they can zone out for a bit while DH and I chat. I honestly don't give a shit what anyone watching thinks, maybe they need to focus on enjoying their own holiday rather than judging what other people are doing on theirs...

I get the sentiment but the past 15 years has been a seismic shift. The proliferation of tech in schools and portable stuff - thats the difference. Previously you were kinda tied to your house so on days out you could actually enjoy the fresh air or a visit somewhere and enjoy it for what it was. Now its kindles and ipads taken literally everywhere so there isnt a single minute of "downtime", and these addictive screens detract from whatever it is you left the house to go and see anyway.

It was reading when I was a kid.

Too much reading ruins your eyes, it's rude to bring books to the table, you're wasting your holiday spending it reading, put your book away and go play. TV was a close second with lots of hand-wringers worrying children would get addicted to the 90 minutes a day of children's programming.

There is literally no benefits to very young children having screen time, and lots of potential problems arising from it. There is a generation of children with delayed communication and interaction skills, limited understanding of the world, limited social and personal skills, and a selfish outlook.
The only advantages to giving very small children a screen is for the parents. Best case scenario, it's not doing any harm. But more realistically, yes it is damaging children's development. I think it's a really big problem.

Records, tv, cinema do not provide that immediate repetitive dopamine hit, but people love to compare them

But why do they lose their 'self regulating' skills on holiday?

I posted an almost identical thread last year, after we came home from a holiday. I got my arse handed to me on a plate!

I totally agree with you Op. I HATE to see people on their phones constantly. It's not just kids, it's the adults too. We were in a lovely restaurant in Chicago, and we were the ONLY table (me and DH), not on our phones. The table next to us was a table of 3 people - 2 were scrolling and the other one was just staring into the distance, as he had no one to talk to. The table across from us was 2 adults and a girl of about 8 years old. She sat with her forehead on the table, as both parents ignored her in favour of their phones.

But it's EVERYWHERE. Have a good look around you, wherever you go. Most people are disconnected, when they are in environments where they should be chatting to the people they are with. The kids around here can't even walk down the street without looking at their phones. Women with babies in pushchairs, not making eye contact with baby - just scrolling. Even people in parks with toddlers - not watching the toddler, just scrolling - so dangerous.

I was wondering whether people stressed a bit when the TV became a household thing. Humans went from playing parlour games in the evening, to staring at the box in the corner. That can't have been good for us either, really.

All these endless selfies as well! I mean, why? My DD had a friend over and they went in the hot tub. I could see them sitting in silence and taking endless selfies. The pics were posted to social media, and it looked like they were having a blast, but in reality they weren't even chatting to each other.

Yes the key difference now is the never ending nature of them. If you have Youtube on them then kids will connect to wifi and watch endless videos of cats doing silly things or 5 minute crafts, IYKYK. Its bad parenting, simple as!

How on earth can you tell from looking at a child with a screen whether it was normal behaviour or a treat? How do you expect them to behave differently either way?

I’m taking my son to Lanzarote in August. We will spend our days by the pool alternating between swimming and relaxing / me with a book, him with a screen. He will read at bedtime because that’s his routine, but casual observers won’t see that part. Nice to know I’ll be being judged for that.

Brutal opinion:

1. We are (as yet) unable to conclusively prove screen time etc is damaging.
2. You'll never be able to tell a parent what they're doing is 'wrong', they'll always clap back with "don't tell me how to raise my child!!!"
3. If this causes a psychological impact, it's the parents' fault.
4. Natural selection.... Ignorant begets ignorance. Stupid begets stupidity.

I hardly watched TV as a child, and if I did, it was sanctioned TV like documentaries. Good parenting comes from good parents. If you want to outsource parenting to a device, you reap what you sow.

No sympathy.

My DD is 10 and has just discovered gaming (thanks to her DBs) but understands that we expect her to fit in reading and being with us as a family too so is happy to be given a limit and come off at a certain time…for now! Unlike her DBs, she won’t have a phone at 11 and it’s likely she will be borrowing the family mobile when she goes to secondary. She is obviously not happy about this as her friends are buzzing with phone chat as we get nearer to year 6 but we want her to be able to switch off, enjoy her own company and deal with friendships in real life - not online. I’m an older mum so I have told her to put the blame on me, say I’m boring and out of touch, and I will back her up.

As a TA in a primary school, I find it really sad seeing children get caught up in social media disagreements, bullying and pressure. This has definitely changed my perspective for my own children. I love tech, definitely not a technophobe, but feel we should explore it with children, alongside them. There’s a lot for them to learn but, if we learn alongside them, they aren’t facing it alone. You’d be surprised how many children would say no to a known adult’s request in person yet would feel obliged to comply with a stranger’s request online. We need to explain the nuances, the way things can be misinterpreted, the good things it can provide and the potential downfalls, what to do if things go wrong, who can help and, most importantly, keep that conversation going.

I don’t like to see babies and toddlers with screens when they are out in a pushchair but, years ago, I didn’t like seeing mums and dads wearing earphones and not engaging with their children while they pushed the pushchair. I also know it’s absolutely none of my business and I’m only seeing a snapshot of their day. I loved those chats with all of my children, mainly a monologue from me while they were tiny - telling them all about the things we could see, singing nursery rhymes etc. When they got older, they joined in and we played games too. It sounds idyllic and, of course, in real life it wasn’t always - everyone has off days - but they all know how to have conversations with people and I’m hopeful I played a part in that.

Just like every other topic on mumsnet

They don't but it's a holiday so they get to do what they want to relax after a long day and if how they want to relax is to listen to music on their phone or watch some backyard scientist videos on YouTube (with headphones, obviously) while they eat their dinner then they can. Some nights they choose to join in with whatever DH and I are chatting about, other nights they dip in and out of both.

I absolutely hate seeing it. Using screens a lot massively reduces children's attention span, self regulation - plus for every hour they are on a device that is a hour they are missing out on socializing, playing, reading.

If you need to do over an hour of screentime on holiday or over dinner then rethink the holidays you go on! If you want a relaxing meal with your DP go somewhere with a kids club or go out when you are back home!

There's just no excuse for eating means with a screen next to your plate, headphones on or not.

The fact places like Hungry Horse pubs put screens in booths for the egg and chipper families sums it up.

You’ll get loads of people saying it’s fine but it’s really not.

I love seeing it as it gives me a better chance of enjoying my meal without someone else’s idiotic child making noise. It also helps me feel superior in terms of parenting. Have you ever seen the rare bonus double? By that I mean a child in Wetherspoons WITH a screen. It’s the ultimate thrill.

We recently took the whole family for a proper meal out and we have 3 under 3 and teens. Several times I looked about as we were all chatting, joking and having fun and was so sad to see a room full of families and all glued to screens. Even our young ones adore being chatted to and nothing better than knowing your children well. I appreciate there may be odd times you need a screen if you feel you can't think of another option but for us it's kept to a minimum at home, considered a treat on family movie night lol but it works for us. But you have to be prepared for non stop chatty little people and teenagers

@bungaloid or the triple, Wetherspoons, Screen, pushing the 9pm child curfew to the max.

Agree with this. We barely ever do screen time at home and absolutely NO ipad in the house ever. On holiday though 5 year old DS gets a bit of ipad time. I don't really see the difference between him doing spot the difference or maths games in a puzzle book or on the iPad. It just means fewer things for me to carry.

DD is only 1 though, so she can entertain herself with a bread roll. If i gave her a screen, she'd probably chuck it in the pool.

Yes, kids are ruined. We don't allow our dd to use a screen.

We love screens in our family, just not at meal times, home or holiday

YANBU & I think the reason for delayed child development is not just kids being on screens - but rather parents who aren't interacting with their children. There must be a reason why children are arriving in primary school unable to go to the bathroom properly & unable to speak in simple sentences. It's a big problem. It's just the start of it.

The worrying thing is that people are defending this & saying it's just a snapshot. If they're doing this in public then who knows what happens at home?