AIBU or is DH about my birthday?

[Badhairday10]

Just that really. Was supposed to go out for a meal on Saturday to mark it but cancelled it as we’re on a bit of a budget at the moment. I said I’d invite my family over on my birthday instead and cook for everyone which was fine. My parents text to let me know they may have to bring one of my grandparents with them if that’s alright, so I then invited my other gran over as I’d love for her to come and it’s only fair. DH is angry that he wasn’t consulted about the extra two people and says we won’t fit that many people and he’s going to leave the house when they come. AIBU to think he can suck it up for a few hours for one day and I shouldn’t need to essentially ask permission? Plus it’s me who will be doing the cooking anyway!

You shouldn't need to ask permission on this, he sounds like a big baby.

Does he have form for sulking when the attention is on someone else?

Based on what you've said yanbu.

Has he got social anxiety? Does he not like the two extra people? What's his problem?

He's a twat. I'd tell him I'm glad he's going out as he'll only spoil your day if he's there by the sound of it.

Is he always so selfish and stroppy?

No social anxiety that I know of. We’ve only got a table for about 7 people and there will be 9 of us, but surely DH & I can eat beforehand or is that BU? It’s not a big deal to me.

I don’t think you eating beforehand is a good idea. But he was being unreasonable in his response.

Saying he'll go out is silly.

But honestly I'd want a heads up about this if I was your DH as one sort of evening seems to have turned into another.

You and your DH eating first when the whole point is a big family meal is just as weird.

It would be odd for you to eat beforehand.

What is he doing to celebrate your birthday?

Yanbu, what is two extra people especially your GP's. So you both pull up a chair and it might be a bit of a squeeze but so what. He is acting really horrible about it.

I think it's very weird to invite 7 people over if that means you and DH have to eat before they even get there and then, what, just feed and serve them and watch them eat? I'd feel really uncomfortable if I went to someone's house for a meal and they were eating at the same time!!

Equally, I think your DH could have approached the conversation better, I.e., "how is that going to work in terms of space?"

Like Christmas, you just squeeze everyone in. To be honest, not sure why he has the hump, he's not the one cooking. I would tell him - see you later.

It's a bit odd to eat before and then serve them like it's a restaurant

If you really don't have space then I can see why he's annoyed- the cost of catering for 7 people would probably have paid for a dinner out as well

If you have a table for 7, squeezing 9 in isn't a big deal. Eating beforehand is weird!!

No you don't need permission to invite two extra family members. Your DH is being a twat.

wont cooking a nice meal for all those people & drinks cost as much as the two of you going out for dinner?? Plus a lot of effort??

It sound as though DH doesn't think it's practical to have so many people in the house. Nothing to do with asking permission. And, if this is the case, him leaving the house is actually a practical suggestion. It would be extremely weird to be invited for dinner at someone's house and to find that the people inviting had eaten first (particularly if one of the people was celebrating their birthday!)

Those people saying "can't you just squash up?" - as tables don't generally seat 7, I'm assuming this is with you all squashing up.

I understand, we definitely could squeeze but I just thought to allow everyone to be more comfortable I could serve everyone first as whenever I host I seem to be up and down fetching things anyway!

Well he’s a charmer. He can stay in the kitchen then, and clear up.

Surely eating out for 2 would be better financially than cooking for 9?

Eating out for 2 woukd definitely be cheaper than hosting for 9! I wouldn't eat first that's weird. I'd squeeze, and yeah tell the big baby to fuck off out then, does he usually sulk?

Do serve everyone else first (including DH, if he’s there!) and say ‘Do start without me’ if you’re still serving/getting up to sort something but don’t not set yourself a place, that’d be awkward.

If your table can’t seat more you can add another small table on if you have one, and cover both with a tablecloth, or make it more of a buffet and eat between the table and the living room (or garden) casual style.

YANBU, he's being a big baby. Sulking to boot, how attractive

I'd probably want a heads up too but I don't think I'd be too fussed if it was just a buffet and not a sit down meal.
My first thought was also that surely it would have been cheaper to just go out together!

Came on also to say that it will be cheaper to just go out, than cater for 9.

How does he manage life if adding 2 close relatives of yours is causing so much drama!

He should be on MN, so many posters refuse to "cope" and have their boring little habits changed for a couple of hours. Don't let him ruin your plans and day.

Don't eat beforehand, make more of a buffet kind of thing, with chairs for all your guests. Your guests can sit at the table, you on the sofa. it's the same result, but it removes the awkwardness.

My dh ruined my 40th with his man child behaviour.. He was an exh before I was 41....
In our house the 2 smallest bums share a chair when necessary...regularly have 10 for tea on a table for 8....

I kind of get it in that you don't really have the space or budget to feed 9 people. That said he should be more grown up about discussing why it's a bad plan.