AIBU or is DH about my birthday?

[Badhairday10]

Just that really. Was supposed to go out for a meal on Saturday to mark it but cancelled it as we’re on a bit of a budget at the moment. I said I’d invite my family over on my birthday instead and cook for everyone which was fine. My parents text to let me know they may have to bring one of my grandparents with them if that’s alright, so I then invited my other gran over as I’d love for her to come and it’s only fair. DH is angry that he wasn’t consulted about the extra two people and says we won’t fit that many people and he’s going to leave the house when they come. AIBU to think he can suck it up for a few hours for one day and I shouldn’t need to essentially ask permission? Plus it’s me who will be doing the cooking anyway!

My thoughts

Maybe don’t do a sit down dinner. Do buffet style/picky bits or a bbq and then the older family can sit down to eat and the rest can eat stood up, in garden etc. more relaxed.

Exactly what I thought
How is shopping, cooking and clearing up after 9 people in any way a treat for your birthday?

Going out, even if just you and dh for a lunch when the kids are in school or when your parents can look after them would be much cheaper and easier, surely!

Assuming there's not something significant you're missing out in terms of history between him and them, then YANBU, he is BVU.

Also, not to excuse him, but is it possible that having to cancel the meal out due to ££ issues somehow makes him feel inadequate, and this is coming out as unreasonableness like this? If so, he needs to give himself a bit of a shake about it.

You need your DH's permission to have you grans over? I think you will enjoy the evening more with him out of the house!

Spending time with family? Just a thought. Some people value that, you know?

You are being unreasonable! You don't invite people for a meal then not actually eat with them

It depends what you make. You could make something simple like a big pasta bake with salad and bread for 9 much cheaper than eating out for two. If they’re expecting haute cuisine, it would obviously cost a lot more.

Possibly because of the cost! They couldn't afford to pay for meal out for 2 but can cater for 9 people?

He's being totally unreasonable, and I can't believe he isn't doing the cooking when it's your birthday!

DH is being a d!ck!

What an inconsiderate cunt.

Just squeeze up together on the table like lost families do every Christmas it’s a special occasion, he sounds like an utter delight who clearly doesn’t like attention being on anyone else therefore sabotaging your birthday, does he have this form on other occasions?

I'd borrow an extra table and chairs from a neighbour. Definitely wouldn't do the two sittings thing / eat beforehand....that's just awkward for everyone.
Husband is probably wondering how he can fix this unnecessary situation you've created

Sounds controlling and selfish whose birthday is it anyway. Tell him to go out one less to feed. My DH did a similar thing when I invited neighbours to a BBQ to thank them for arranging a sports day for all the children in our area. I smiled and said bye then. He said I mean it I said okay. Huh he said whose going to do the food. I said me I guess as I usually do all you do is slap the meat on th BBQ. He didn't go anywhere. Lesson learned he hasn't pulled anything like that since. .

They are your grandparents not 2 randoms you found on a street corner. Don’t need permission and if he’s that annoyed that your Nans will be there then he should leave. And not come back.

Seems unfair for you having to cook on your birthday especially for nine people;what's your husband doing to help?

Could you make up a buffet type meal and let everyone graze so you can spread out abit more and not have to be constantly up and down?

Don't understand him but I'd be getting to the bottom of it!
I'd also be doing something simple like pasta and a nice dessert or a buffet. They're there for you not the food!

ffs he sounds like an arsehole, for generations british families have got out the emergency chairs for extra family members to squeeze around a table at Christmas, tell him to suck it up, and leave you too it!!

Oh my days, number 1 red flag is why are you having to organise and cook on your birthday but the biggest red flag is his reaction to your grandparents coming over! Why does he really care given you're doing all the hosting anyway, and if that's what you want for your birthday he should support and facilitate that for you. Why is he not wanting to make your birthday lovely for you! If it's the cost he should liaise with your parents and ask them to bring wine and dessert, he's not a child, he should problem solve instead of strop off!

So you're too skint to go for a meal on your birthday, and he begrudges you both your grandmothers visiting? He's pathetic and the space is an excuse. Surely someone could bring a garden chair/deck chair or footstool?

seems an over reaction too 2 extra people for dinner? wonder what the real story is behind his behaviour..

Depends on what you are cooking and where you are dining.

A meal for 2 is more expensive then a roast dinner, which can be made cheaply for many people.

He's a twat and is behaving like a child .
I'm sure your grandparents won't actually eat much and you can just squeeze everyone in we manage at Xmas with a 6 seater table we just feed the kids first then the adults sit down to eat works for us