DD kissing all the boys…….

[adviceForMyDd]

Dropped my daughter aged nearly 9 to school today and as I was walking I was stopped by 3 boys in her class (DD was in breakfast club so didn’t hear). One said to me “X has a crush on all the boys in the year group and kisses the boys in class”. He said she kisses her hand and blows kisses at them, I don’t know this boy but know the other 2. I explained she’s the youngest in class and doesn’t understand what she’s doing.

DD is very childish and immature and teachers have often said she’s very young in terms of behaviour but it’s expected as she’s one of the youngest in year group.

i’m really worried she will get a reputation. I don’t know how to handle this. Any advice please?

"a reputation"?!

Gosh, that's a dated sexist phrase to apply to a nine year old.

In your own terms, she already has one, given that children are stopping you to tell you about it.

What you do is talk to dd, ask her why she is doing it, address her response and explain that it isn't appropriate and may make other people uncomfortable and prevent her making strong friendships with her peers.

"i’m really worried she will get a reputation"

Your poor DD.

THERAPY. For you. Now. Before you damage her forever.

When children don't know what they are doing it their caregivers' responsibility to explain.

Are u lot for real? The boys are all talking about her. I haven’t caused anything why do I need therapy? I can see the crazies are out in the morning lol!

any normal rational people about to give advice?

A reputation 🤢
She’s 9, how does she not understand what blowing kisses is?! She’s not a toddler! If you’re terribly concerned, speak to her, y’know, parent your child.
eta if you do choose to speak to her, do try and rein in the strange judgement based on adult societal norms. A kid blowing kisses isn’t the big deal you seem to think it is.

Perfectly real thank you. Advising you to parent effectively doesn't make me crazy.

You haven't caused anything now, but you will cause your DD immense self-respect and self-worth damage if you continue along this line of thought.

Kids telling on their friends to their mum...I wouldn't have taken it seriously. They are just trying to embarrass her as kids do.

What sort of a reputation?! One for kissing hands?! She has one, you’ve literally heard the gossip.

You say she doesn’t understand yet as she’s the youngest in the class… how do you expect her to learn the expected behaviour and know to stop doing this? Whatever event or conversation you are anticipating to happen when she’s a bit older and that will teach her not to do this… I suggest bringing it forward and doing it now instead of when you’re expecting it.

This is nothing but innocent behaviour, I'm surprised at those boys telling tales and if it was me i don't think it would bother me. I'd be more concerned that they are laughing at her behind her back as it does seem a little immature. What is your concern? Is it that you don't want her to use this type of behaviour for attention seeking as she gets older? Maybe say you think some boys don't like it and leave it at that. I wouldn't make a big deal of it

Been round these parts for a very very long time so not much surprises me.

Reading of a mother concerned her NINE year old may get a ‘reputation’ made my jaw drop.

Stop using the word reputation?

She's 9, even if she is summer born unless she has SEN.. surely she knows what she's doing?

Maybe have a word with her about boundaries. I wouldn't be over the moon if my daughter was behaving this way and I wouldn't be happy if my son was on the receiving end.

Sounds like behaviour of a toddler not a 9 year old.

It technically could be seen as sexual harassment , especially if, as it seems, the boys don't like it.
It is no big deal, just tell her to stop as it may make the recipient feel uncomfortable.

She’s 9 she’s old enough to understand boundaries even if she is immature for her age. My 7 year old understands boundaries.

You explain to her that she can’t go around kissing kids at school. They might not like it, and she might catch vomiting bugs from their unwashed hands.

You need to teach her about bodily autonomy. No one is allowed to touch someone else without permission. Crucial teaching at this age as it keeps her safe.

And for goodness sake please don’t ever use the phrase “get a reputation” about a child ever again.

She's not "kissing all the boys." She blew a kiss to a boy (supposedly). So what? What do you think is going to happen? You're massively overreacting.

I explained she's the youngest in class and doesn't know what she is doing

Really? You couldn't see how that could backfire on her far more than blowing a kiss could?

Firstly, are massively overreacting, I doubt I’d have given this encounter much thought at all to be honest.

Also, how about instead of thinking about her ‘reputation’ (at aged nine!) you parent her. Talk to her about her actions in a kind way and if it bears out, talk to her about when it is / isn’t appropriate to blow kisses at other children.

Your 9 year old isn't going to get a reputation as the village bike by blowing kisses.

Talk to her about consent, never too early. If people don't want you to kiss them or feel uncomfortable with your affections then you stop. Talk about signs that a person is uncomfortable vs signs they like it. And also what to do if she is uncomfortable receiving affection.

Sexual harassment?

Getting a reputation?

We're talking about a 9 year old girl blowing kisses.

Unbelievable.

If boys were doing this to girls MN would definitely call it sexual harassment.

Leaving aside the hyperbole on all sides.

At 9 she is old enough to be told that what she's doing is making some of the boys feel uncomfortable.

The boys may be finding it funny now. Some of them, all of them, or none of them.

And yes, like it or not, and rightly or wrongly, if this was a boy doing it to girls, it could well be construed differently.

Of course children get reputations!

anyone can get a reputation for anything, it just means you’re well known for doing a certain thing.

kids and adults have reputations for

• being difficult
• always messing round
• the one that’s always late
• the one with no filter
• the one that’s always super early
• the one that’s most organised

etc etc.

its very unusual for a child to not know that this sort of thing is inappropriate, you mention a lot about her being very young for her age, I suspect there is some overlooked SEN here.

you do need to explain to your dd about what’s appropriate, I wouldn’t want my child doing this and they would be told not to do it and explained why.

In my DS class they all have had "BF" and "GF", on their recent p7 trip there was even a picture taken on all the "couples". One of the girls is DSs BF I asked her teasingly about kissing....the answer was ewwwwww. Everyone blows kisses or holds hands apparently.

Its a normal part of growing up.

DS was in a "steady relationship" 😆as he put it for 5 years p1 to p5, they got married everyday at lunchtime. Kids do these things. He was waiting until he was 17 for the baby so he could pass his driving test and be able to pick the baby up from the hospital as that's how you get a baby, they hand them out for free at the hospital doors.😂

She's being a little kid, not ruining her reputation, did noone here play kiss chase in the playground? I did 35+ years ago and I never got a reputation, even at uni💃

This has got to be a wind up?

My Dd aged 7 says she has 3 boyfriends and wants to marry them all. And the cat. I am not yet concerned that she’s heading for a life of bigamy/ bestiality/ because she’s 7 and this means sod all.