Would you let your child do this or am I over the top?

[KrustyBurger]

Currently on holiday in the USA. We are staying at a Marriott so not a motel type set up.

Husband asked our daughter who is 12 to run some rubbish down to the bin next to the lift, she would have to go past about 12 room doors (6 each side).

I said no, il do it as you never know who’s in the rooms and it only takes 5 seconds for someone to open the door and yank her in and you wouldn’t even know which room it is or where she is.

Husband said ok but gave me a strange glance.

Was I being over the top? Or would other parents do the same. It’s nearly 10pm at night here.

Husband's a bit of a clean freak and our bin is full hence not just leaving it.

I feel sorry for OP and her child. They must live in a high sense of fear.
At 13 I got a plane alone to East Germany, met a family who I knew a little bit and me and their 14 year old travelled on our own for 5 hours to the seaside and then got a bus and then a half mile walk to a summer camp. No mobiles. I didn't speak German. It was great fun. I can't imagine living in such a state of anxiety. At 12 my daughter was travelling across a major city alone lots. She loves exploring so she goes off all the time. If I told her she couldn't walk down a hotel corridor she would think I was joking. Tbh she also would make her Dad do it (rightly so in this case) mainly because she is a lazy arse when it comes to chores. 😁

You're worried about her walking down a hotel corridor on her own? I wouldn't think twice about this. No one is going to snatch her.

Well, if that's what you genuinely then I feel incredibly sorry for you and your children @Overthebs - what a miserable existence.

1. The whole reason we're all so aware of the madeleine story is that it was just so incredibly unlikely and bizarre
2. Madeleine was very very young. This child is 12
3. Madeleine was left in a hotel room while her parents were somewhere else entirely. This child is being asked to walk a few feet down a corridor while her parents are still in the room near by.

It frightens me that the differences are not obvious.

So long as you're not staying at the Cecil hotel in LA I reckon you're over thinking!

Oh my god this is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever read on here 😂

The chance of there being a serial killer in your hotel is probably about 0.000000001%.
The chance of him / her being on your corridor is even less.
The chance of there being a serial killer on your corridor and them instinctively knowing that a 12 year old girl is walking past on her own at that exact moment in time is pretty much impossible.
And even IF any of the above things did happen (going off the size of my 12 yo DSD) I think they might have a struggle literally grabbing her off the corridor without a fight or her screaming / shouting.
But on the off chance all of the above did happen, well you knew she was going to the bin and if she wasn't back in 5 minutes you'd go looking for her in the 9 rooms between yours and the bin so not a massive window of opportunity for anything to go wrong!!!

Rant over.

Many of them don’t grow up into functioning adults though, that’s the problem. MH problems, unable to work because if anxiety and won’t open the door for a delivery.

A huge and expensive problem for society.

I would let her do it in the daytime but would feel bad for her doing it at 10pm. I think I would have been a bit nervous to be out on my own at night at 12 years old, even if it was just down the corridor. I got the tube to and from school every day on my own from year 7 so I was pretty street smart but being out at night is very different to daytime.

She is not being out though.

I have. I remember being completely astonished when speaking to a random woman while waiting for my turn at parents evening. My children were still pretty young at that stage but she had a child in year 5 or 6 and they were looking at high schools. She told me that the high school her child liked she was very hesitant about because it involved crossing a busy road. I found that batshit in itself, but the road she's talking about has a pedestrian crossing where the child would have to cross and is used by literally hundreds of that school's students every single day. Even when I just had a 5 year old, I couldn't imagine making a decision on a local high school based on the fact that there was ONE road to cross....

I don't know any people like this any more, but I think that's because over the years I've learnt not to become friendly with people like this as it's just going to create problems when I struggle not to judge them and vice versa.

I think you need to be cautious OP. She is 12 and at the point in her life where she is starting to need to find her independence.

I strongly feel a lot of younger children are more anxious now as they have not been allowed to be independent.

A walk to the bin in a 'foreign' place would be the perfect opportunity for her to start experiencing this.

Helicopter parenting does have long term affects on children.

You’re being over the top and possible need some help with anxiety or need to stop watching so much true crime as it seems to have got into your head too much so that you see danger you d every corner.
Not healthy for you or your family

All of this. DSD (12) is off into a big city this weekend with her friends on the train to go and buy holiday clothes with her spending money. They're very excited.

If we were in a hotel she would be trying to get away from us as much as possible - going to the hotel shop / pool / spa on her own. She has her phone on her and times as to when she needs to be back.

I don't believe for a second that OP is ok with her daughter being out and about back home with her friends (where statistically there are so many more chances of something bad happening) but won't let her walk down a corridor in a Marriott Hotel in the USA on her own?!?!?! Come on.

My 12 yo twins walk 20 minutes to school every day, walking by many doors/houses. This feels ott to me, but we’re all different.

I wouldn’t let her do it. I’d send my husband 😂

I let my 9 year old cycle around the campsite by herself in a foreign country, so yes, I'd definitely let a 12 year old pop out with the rubbish in a hotel corridor.

By the time they’re 12 you’re meant to be over the PFB stage OP 😁 but I get how you feel, I’d probably think twice about it but in the end it’s just down the corridor and back.

I think this is a good point. I'm always shocked by all the women on MN (and now and again in RL) who are so scared of things but perhaps they had paranoid parents and that fear was instilled then. I think I keep thinking that this is a really new phenomenon and that the current generation of children are the first to suffer as a result. But perhaps not.

As the OP says, Marriott is a nice hotel chain.

Even my very protective parents were letting me walk to the ice and vending machines in the Marriotts and nicer Hiltons age 11-12 when we travelled across America.

OP, I too am curious in which countries if any you would deem it safe for DD age 12 to empty the bins as you have described?

I'm with you OP. The only way I would've is if I was discreetly peeping round the door watching so she felt she was doing something independently.
It's like when I see parents letting their children go into public toilets on their own, my stomach always does a flip. Why risk it.

"We are in a foreign country"

What's that got to do with anything?! Do you not read the UK news?! Like she's safe on the streets in the UK but not in a hotel in the USA 😂

Honestly people are so, so weird. And your DD will grow up with massive anxiety issues if she's not allowed to walk down a corridor AGE 12.

YABU OP. This is a totally normal thing for a 12 year old in a hotel to do. At this age I'd expect them to be going down to find vending machines or to get a drink from the restaurant alone too.

It's like when I see parents letting their children go into public toilets on their own, my stomach always does a flip. Why risk it.

Can you expand on this please @CaravaggiosCat . I mean, there's a big difference between sending a 5 year old boy into the men's toilets at Victoria station alone vs a 12 year old girl going into the woman's toilets at a Pizza Express alone. A blanket, "I think it's dangerous for children to use public toilets alone" is crazy.

I personally don't think you're being that OTT. But then I have a 5 year old so not sure how different I'll feel when she is 12.

I think it's natural to feel extra cautious when on holiday. I can imagine in your situation I would have let her do it if she wanted to but I probably would have watched from the door.

I’d let them do it because they need to learn independence etc more than be protected from something that there is about a one in billion chance of happening! Good Lord!

This is exactly what I was going to say.

A PP said
I wouldn’t ask my son/daughter to do that, not for your reasons though, it’s just not a chore I’d ask them to do.

Why on earth not? Surely taking the rubbish out is one of those easy and necessary tasks any 12 year old, or younger, can be asked to do from time to time. So what if it is the DH who wants the bin empty. It sounds like he was busy doing something else so perfectly reasonable to ask a 12 year old to help out with a simple chore.

Anyway, another person here thinking this is way OTT.