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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you let your child do this or am I over the top?

691 replies

KrustyBurger · 13/06/2024 05:55

Currently on holiday in the USA. We are staying at a Marriott so not a motel type set up.

Husband asked our daughter who is 12 to run some rubbish down to the bin next to the lift, she would have to go past about 12 room doors (6 each side).

I said no, il do it as you never know who’s in the rooms and it only takes 5 seconds for someone to open the door and yank her in and you wouldn’t even know which room it is or where she is.

Husband said ok but gave me a strange glance.

Was I being over the top? Or would other parents do the same. It’s nearly 10pm at night here.

Husband's a bit of a clean freak and our bin is full hence not just leaving it.

OP posts:
Starlight1979 · 13/06/2024 09:51

saraclara · 13/06/2024 07:37

it only takes 5 seconds for someone to open the door and yank her in

Again, for it to take five seconds would mean that someone had been standing next to their door for hours in the hope that a girl would walk by. That's vanishingly unlikely. They'd even need a camera to the corridor from their room to know who was passing by.

I am totally bewildered (and somewhat depressed) at the level of illogicality shown by some posts in this thread.

And so someone grabs her into their room? Then what? The OP mentioned a poster about human trafficking - do you think in the 5 seconds of being grabbed into a room that a potential "baddie" is going to be able to get her out of the room, down the corridor, out of the hotel and into a waiting car - without anyone noticing 😂All whilst OP and her DH are just sat in their hotel waiting for her to come back not noticing the commotion outside?!

Bearing in mind the DD is 12, not 2.

I think some people spend FAR too much time watching Netflix documentaries.

afrikat · 13/06/2024 09:52

When I was 12 we went on holiday to Florida and I remember going down to the hotel lobby on my own to hire DVDs from a machine and I think my brother and I were allowed to go to the hotel pool on our own. So yes, YABU

GerbilsForever24 · 13/06/2024 09:54

Also, human trafficking in the context here is very unlikely to be children grabbed in the US. The issue is young people being brought in from other countries and then used basically as slaves in the US. Or indigent/vulnerable people being taken off the street and "sold on". Human traffickers do not, as a rule, prioritise wealthy 12 year old girls staying in Marriot hotels with both of their parents.....

Ifyoucouldreadmymindlove · 13/06/2024 09:54

I can honestly say I don’t think that would have occurred to me.

Magnastorm · 13/06/2024 09:57

Not allowing a 12 year old to walk down a hotel corridor by themselves is absolutely absurd.

That kid is going to turn 18 and have absolutely no initiative or independence whatsoever.

HolyMoly24 · 13/06/2024 09:57

People seem to think that to be grabbed they would have to be waiting by the keyhole watching. Someone could just be returning to their room, unlocking their door and spot an opportunity to pull her in. Ted Bundy and the like were often very opportunistic.

This is obviously still a VERY unlikely scenario still but perhaps more likely than someone lurking by their keyhole.

FunkyMonks · 13/06/2024 09:58

I'm with you Op I agree there's being relaxed and letting them do things on their own and then there's sadly too many wrong ones in this world to even be able to take your eye off them I would rather be that mum that has my eyes constantly on my children than the one wailing why why when you didn't so do what you feel is right for your own family not what a bunch of strangers on the net say they would do.

Starlight1979 · 13/06/2024 09:58

Overthebs · 13/06/2024 08:35

Lol I didn’t say they are the same developmentally- I said it’s the same principle like obvs a 3 year old could get lost/wonder off, but as per child abduction they are still young at 12.

goshhh people on this post are very angry today 🤣

Jesus - another one 🙄

@Overthebs On the (practically non existent) chance that there is a child abductor staying in those 10-12 rooms between their room and the bin, then it would be a bit easier for someone to abduct a 3 year old than a 12 year old, wouldn't it?

I wouldn't make a 3 year old walk to school on their own either. Or go to the shops.

I worry about the kids of some of these posters.

Nicknacky · 13/06/2024 10:00

Laura36TTC · 13/06/2024 09:35

I wouldn’t let her do it. I’d send my husband 😂

Why not? And why wouldn’t you do it?

Blarneytalk · 13/06/2024 10:01

parentfodder · 13/06/2024 06:13

No I wouldn't either. Statistically it's unlikely anything would happen but why risk it?

Why risk anything ever?

Starlight1979 · 13/06/2024 10:03

ittakes2 · 13/06/2024 08:58

It is the time of day or night rather (10pm) that would be an issue for me - someone coming up the lift drunk etc.
An option would be to open the hotel door and watch her - but quite frankly I am not sure why your lazy husband would not just do it himself if he wants it emptied so much!

So what if someone is coming out of the lift drunk?!?! Can 12 year olds not witness people being drunk?! Are they particularly dangerous?! What's a drunk person going to do apart from maybe stagger a bit down the corridor?!

"Lazy husband"?!?! I asked DSD to bring her bin down this morning from her bedroom and wash her plates - are me and DP "lazy" for not doing it for her???

easylikeasundaymorn · 13/06/2024 10:04

IDontFeelItAnymore · 13/06/2024 06:04

Whaaaat? You don't let your 12 year old walk along a hallway in a hotel alone?

Sorry but that's one of the most over the top things I've ever heard.

The likelihood of a murderer sitting looking through their wee keyhole at the very time a lone 12 year old walks past, opening the door, grabbing her silently, and getting her into their room never to be seen again is...I'm sure close to zero?!

This!
First of all you've got the chance that a murderer/rapist/someone with bad intentions would randomly be in the same hotel as you....low
Then that they would be constantly standing by their door peering out the keyhole for 12 hours on the off-chance someone passes by....unlikely to the point of absurdity
Then that even if all that happened they would be willing to risk endangering themselves....attacking someone in a hotel would be incredibly high risk, you've got cctv everywhere, close quarters and thin walls for any noises to be overheard, parents would soon realise kid has gone missing and the rooms along their intended route would be the first to be searched, if they didn't kill their victim they'd be identifiable by their room booking, if they did kill them how on earth would they get rid of the body....if someone was so desperate to attack a child there are a million easier ways of doing it...

Really ott!

fieldsofbutterflies · 13/06/2024 10:05

Feelinadequate23 · 13/06/2024 09:31

I would let her do it in the daytime but would feel bad for her doing it at 10pm. I think I would have been a bit nervous to be out on my own at night at 12 years old, even if it was just down the corridor. I got the tube to and from school every day on my own from year 7 so I was pretty street smart but being out at night is very different to daytime.

But it's a hotel corridor - they're covered in cameras and well-lit no matter what time of day it is.

What is it about 10pm that makes it so much more dangerous than 10am?

sixtyandsomething · 13/06/2024 10:06

@KrustyBurger you had a really bad feeling about it, you didn't let her do it, its done now. No harm, unless you often get really bad feelings and these affect your children's lives. As a one off, I'd just go with my feeling, not because it is likely to be right, but just so I enjoy life more!

poetryandwine · 13/06/2024 10:07

GerbilsForever24 · 13/06/2024 09:54

Also, human trafficking in the context here is very unlikely to be children grabbed in the US. The issue is young people being brought in from other countries and then used basically as slaves in the US. Or indigent/vulnerable people being taken off the street and "sold on". Human traffickers do not, as a rule, prioritise wealthy 12 year old girls staying in Marriot hotels with both of their parents.....

This. I noticed the signs everywhere on a recent trip to America involving several cities. Perhaps it is a legal requirement? I don’t know.

I agree that the signs are aimed at immigrants, mostly irregular ones (that’s why they are in so many languages) and homeless people

Starlight1979 · 13/06/2024 10:08

Overthebs · 13/06/2024 09:02

Aaww you’re all out on form today aren’t you - miss quoting what I’ve said ahah.

… On holiday in an unfamiliar place where I wasn’t able to categorically rule out child abduction YES 100% wouldn’t let my 12 year old out of my sight .. better safe than sorry hey.

@Overthebs - How can you "categorically rule out child abduction"???

Are you saying you're happy letting a child out of your sight if you're at home (presumably in the UK)?

Have you not heard of Sarah Payne? Or April Jones? Who were both kidnapped right near their homes?!

alfagirl73 · 13/06/2024 10:10

I think you are being overprotective here OP. I get it; I understand the mindset of "if she doesn't do it then there is zero risk" rather than contemplate the slight risk of what you anticipate happening. Thing is, if we lived like that we'd never do anything.

I've said before; allowing kids to do things isn't about being reckless, it is about assessing risk sensibly and preparing kids to deal with things.

Look at the facts of the situation. You are in a Marriott - arguably a very decent hotel which will have CCTV EVERYWHERE and security actively watching the security cameras as well. It's not just a case of there being cameras and they look at them later; many hotels, particularly the nicer ones, have active security monitoring things.

In order for someone to grab your DD as you say, they would have to be glued to their hotel door at that very moment waiting for your DD to walk past alone. Remember - possible is not the same as probable, and this, while POSSIBLE (albeit very remotely), it is definitely not PROBABLE.

The other scenario is someone on that corridor returning to their room and pulling her in but again, the likelihood of that very person at that very moment deciding to attempt to abduct an unwilling child in full view of cameras is extremely slim.

Presumably you have prepared your DD for encountering strangers and have taught her to scream blue bloody murder and kick off if someone tries to grab her. In a hotel corridor like that, a girl screaming and going off it is definitely going to attract a LOT of attention - something a potential abductor will NOT want. If she is carrying a bin then that will in all likelihood be dropped on the spot (thus identifying the room she has been dragged into) or even swung at the attacker causing even more commotion/noise etc. It's too much hassle/risk for any would-be abductor.

So add up the facts to consider the risk: it is a short walk down a corridor in a decent hotel which has security and that corridor will be monitored by CCTV which would immediately pick up someone grabbing your DD - so in the highly unlikely event it happened, it would be seen. Should it happen, your DD would, I presume, kick off and so there would be enough noise and commotion that a would-be abductor wouldn't likely select that type of location/environment as an ideal spot. Plus, you would likely notice within seconds that she was not back so there is a very very limited window for any abductor to "vanish" your DD - she would be found almost immediately.

If you are that bothered stand at your hotel door or leave it open so you can hear any commotion. But tbh, I DO think you are catastrophising here. You cannot prevent everything in life. Trafficking happens just as much here as in the USA. Don't teach your child to be scared of everything just because it is another country. I see nothing wrong with your DD carrying out this task.

stripes92 · 13/06/2024 10:14

A foreign country? It's the USA not North Korea. You're being ridiculously over the top.

TillyMills · 13/06/2024 10:19

Personally I don't see why he needed her to take it down there and then, why not run it down the next morning on the way out? I wouldnt have thought my DD was going to be abducted or anything, but where I am currently staying in NYC there has just been a murder at the end of the street last night! So it would make me think its only a bin ill do it tomorrow.

Peonies12 · 13/06/2024 10:22

You seriously need some support for anxiety if you genuinely think in that way. For your DDs sake - you need to totally reset your mindset and let her be independent. Poor kid. You can’t live in fear of totally unlikely events

KimberleyClark · 13/06/2024 10:25

saraclara · 13/06/2024 07:37

it only takes 5 seconds for someone to open the door and yank her in

Again, for it to take five seconds would mean that someone had been standing next to their door for hours in the hope that a girl would walk by. That's vanishingly unlikely. They'd even need a camera to the corridor from their room to know who was passing by.

I am totally bewildered (and somewhat depressed) at the level of illogicality shown by some posts in this thread.

Also the corridors in Marriott type hotels are quite wide. If she was walking down the middle of the corridor a potential yanker would need unusually long arms and would also need one arm to hold open his room door. It’s a fairly unlikely scenario I think.

LimeandCourgette · 13/06/2024 10:27

If you feels it's too risky for her to take the rubbish to the bin a few metres away, surely it's too risky for you all to be sleeping there, or does someone stay up all night and guard the door?

Feelinadequate23 · 13/06/2024 10:37

fieldsofbutterflies · 13/06/2024 10:05

But it's a hotel corridor - they're covered in cameras and well-lit no matter what time of day it is.

What is it about 10pm that makes it so much more dangerous than 10am?

Drunk idiots, mainly! I don't love coming across groups of drunk men at night now, and I'm in my 30s! It just takes one of them to notice you / turn on you / make a comment and suddenly it's a horrible atmosphere.

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 13/06/2024 10:38

Yes I'd let my 11 yr old do that

Sunmoonstars9 · 13/06/2024 10:38

Absolutely no way would I allow a 12 year old child to wander about a hotel with bins. I don't care if it is a 2 star or a 5 star it's not happening. A good call OP.