Colleague has said I'm vain a few times

[Spottttty]

Well not said it, but heavily implied it. I could understand if I'm going around saying 'Look at me I'm soo beautiful' but obviously this isn't the case.

She's said this because I sometimes put make up on or use a mirror at work at lunch. So what? Like it's not affecting her in any way.
She's made comments about 3 times, I've just laughed but next time I'll say something maybe?

It might just be friendly ribbing as she's nice otherwise but not sure what her goal is. She's someone who doesn't wear a scrap of make up and that's up to her, I'm not someone who can do that and that's just me.

Now I’m wondering, don’t you go to the toilet and wash your hands before the canteen? Don’t you look in the mirror then?

I think the place for touching up your makeup etc is in the bathroom, not a social room.

I love how after 32 pages of complete nonsense no one has been able to give a coherent explanation of why lipstick is totally fine to apply in public, but concealer and mascara aren’t.

Funny old world eh.

She isn't dictating where you do it, she is indicating in an indirect way that she thinks you are doing it in the wrong place.

Not unreasonably in my opinion.

You have two options. You can carry on gurning in the mirror while people are eating their lunch, or can go somewhere more private. The advantage of the second option is you won't have to put up with displays of disapproval from this particular colleague, or anyone else.

It shouldn’t be this way but your doing it in public (albeit yr staff canteen) implies a degree of self absorption - where it looks like you’re so consumed by how you look that you don’t mind doing it in a public space that is designed for other activities.

You do care though as you feel a bit offended by her commenting on it. In a sense it is quite vain because you’re focussing on yourself as opposed to other things in a space primarily designed for eating. Nothing wrong in wanting to tend to your appearance but it’s the context that’s the problem.

If you did it in a staff changing room, by your locker, or just before going back to your desk or a customer facing role after lunch etc checking teeth after eating or in the toilets or something I don’t think she’d comment.

If you’re going to keep doing it publicly then I think you have to own your “vanity” & take it less personally. It could open doors for healthy conversation into the topic in general - people who are makeup free can be very smug & holier than thou about makeup - but equally you could quip back how she can always borrow some if she’s jealous! Or how you think she’d look great in your latest MAC lip colour. Makeup while being an armour or shield can also be a creative outlet, enjoyment of fashion & expression of who you are. And a hobby. Own it or realise there are still bad Madeira around what is considered ok in certain spaces. It’s like the self grooming on a train, public transport debate. What level is acceptable?

Tbh I tend to only apply lippy when I go to the loo, so in the bathtoom with a mirror.

But the reason I think it’s easier to get away with is it a quick, slick manoeuvre . Hand cream is normally applied down at hand height so again it’s less “ in your face.” ( Literally.)

She's being a bit cheeky, you're being a bit touchy. Want to take it to HR?

Gurning in the mirror! 😂

I think self-absorbed is quite a useful term in this debate.

Love your username btw.

Mascara and concealer take me way less time than my lipstick to do. Mascara 1 flick on each eye, concealer quick dab. Lipstick is lipbalm on first, then dab lipstick on lips (never drag across), then tissue to set.

So it's a time concern?

Technically, the correct etiquette for applying lipstick in public is that you should only put it on if you can do it without a mirror. And only in informal situations. Applying lipstick using a mirror in public is a social faux pas. I actually read a couple of etiquette guides to check this 😅

I don't know the root of this but I suspect there's a hint of sexualisation here. Women applying lipstick is seen as being quite a sensual or sexual act, and some men find it arousing. I think Holly Golightly applies lipstick in public in Breakfast at Tiffany's - perfect example of the sexualisation of the act. There's quite a lot written about how applying lipstick is an alluring act. Personally I don't know any woman who flirts by slapping on some lipstick, but apparently it gives some men the horn.

Applying lipstick means a seductive pout - at least that's the theory. I don't think anyone looks attractive squinting at a mirror and trying not to poke themselves in the eye with a mascara wand.

But aside from all of that, we have social rules that are unspoken; these are what is generally viewed by the majority as good manners/being polite. Grooming yourself in public is pretty crass, and not traditionally considered to be a polite act. That applies whether you're rolling on deodorant, rubbing in beard oil, or applying makeup. They are all quite intimate acts of grooming that are usually done in private. The world won't implode if you do them in public, but might make people feel awkward. I don't think it's any more complicated than that tbh.

I think op should tbh if she carries on and the taking the piss makes op feel uncomfortable.

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon said men wore make in the 80s

i responded by saying said “only if they were pop stars”

You replied to this comment by saying - I saw a man yesterday who was wearing eye shadow

i said what does that have to do with the 80s?

you said why are we talking about the 80s?

And then you’ve got your everyday man who likes to wear makeup. My friends husband wears eyeliner on nights out. It suits him. It’s becoming more normal and acceptable within society. It’s not shocking to see a man wearing makeup walking down the street.
Will he get criticised by closed-minded and old fashioned individuals?

You mean will he have a thread on MN nearly 40 pages long cursing him for having the temerity to apply make up in the break room at work? Never mind on a night out. In the break room. At work.

Possibly. Stranger things have happened.

She is rude.

It's a rec room youre not doing anything wrong. This being MN you'll get a sprinkling of oddball replies from disgruntled in life women who just can't bear that a woman should beautify herself in a way she sees fit. Woe betide said woman is attractive it'll grind their gears to dust. You don't have to hide yourself away to look in a mirror or put on a bit of lipstick fgs. It's not taboo

Personally I'd tell her to mind her own business, and then ignore her. She wants to belittle you so don't allow her to.

No I don’t think it’s as complicated as people want to make it either.

The thing about lipstick and giving men the horn btw is because there is a whole school of thought that lips make men think about vaginal lips - one horizontal the other vertical but otherwise I guess there’s a degree of similarity. So swiping a layer of glossy pink/red around the lips 👄 is supposed to be highly suggestive. As I say, I don’t really see the need to be doing this in the canteen!

Normal to do in the loo, a bit odd to be looking in the mirror/putting on make up in the break room, off putting if mascara

I don't know the root of this but I suspect there's a hint of sexualisation here. Women applying lipstick is seen as being quite a sensual or sexual act, and some men find it arousing. I think Holly Golightly applies lipstick in public in Breakfast at Tiffany's - perfect example of the sexualisation of the act. There's quite a lot written about how applying lipstick is an alluring act. Personally I don't know any woman who flirts by slapping on some lipstick, but apparently it gives some men the horn.

I just had a mental image of Molly Ringwald's character in The Breakfast Club applying lipstick with her cleavage. OP, give that a go next time, they'll be too gobsmacked to comment. 😂

Haha love that 😂

If they were pop stars maybe

Not just pop stars, I used to see them round town on a Saturday night, on their way out clubbing. I did grow up in a party town, though, so the norms were slightly different. 😄

WTH did I just read?! 🤪

I was a child in the 80s so don’t really remember how people dressed for nights out. On a day to day basis though I don’t remember ever seeing it (that said the place where I grew up was certainly no party town!).

You missed where the conversation actually started, smarty pants.

Oh my goodness! Well maybe not ok for you if you go through that performance. Off to the bathroom it is….

I agree, the mimicking and mocking from plain jane colleague is far far worse behaviour than touching up your make-up.