Colleague has said I'm vain a few times

[Spottttty]

Well not said it, but heavily implied it. I could understand if I'm going around saying 'Look at me I'm soo beautiful' but obviously this isn't the case.

She's said this because I sometimes put make up on or use a mirror at work at lunch. So what? Like it's not affecting her in any way.
She's made comments about 3 times, I've just laughed but next time I'll say something maybe?

It might just be friendly ribbing as she's nice otherwise but not sure what her goal is. She's someone who doesn't wear a scrap of make up and that's up to her, I'm not someone who can do that and that's just me.

Indeed. I thought the whole point was for the delectation of everyone BUT the wearer.🤷🏻‍♀️

Can you explain then? I’m sure no one will be insulted. I’m genuinely curious.

@Calliopespa

The process of applying makeup affects nobody but the wearer 🙄

Why are you so offended by what other people choose to do to their own bodies? It is frankly, none of your business. It is an individual choice.

No one is saying they can’t choose to wear make up.

Nor, as I understand it, is anyone saying they are “offended” by it.

Op posted because she felt her colleague was mocking her for doing it in public. People responded that perhaps the colleague felt she should be doing it in private. Op said the colleague had no “right” to “ dictate “ that; but just as op can do what she wants, people can think what they want about the fact she does.

And what some people think is that attending to tasks which are intended to make your body more publicly presentable ( be that dealing with an excess of snot that makes you sniff , or removing plaque from your teeth or covering up acne or whatever) is something that is best done in private. I really don’t see what is so inflammatory about that suggestion .

No-one is offended, or misogynistic, or needing counselling or any of the other OTT claims . They simply think it’s gauche.

And actually the fact it is none of anyone else’s business is really the whole point. It’s not, so don’t make it their business .

Why is it gauche?

The process of pretending to put on makeup in public is no one’s business either. Why are you so offended by the OP’s colleague doing so? It’s her choice! If someone doesn’t like it they should look away.

I babysat a kid one time that asked “but why!!” About every single thing anyone said. Are you her?

I think it’s probably even less anyone’s business what goes on in other’s minds. So apparently it’s none of yours why others think it’s gauche.

Yeah I think Megifer it’s safe to say you just don’t get it.

Apparently there’s a window for language acquisition after which the learner of a new language will never be convincingly fluent.

Perhaps it’s a bit the same for etiquette.

🤣

So that's a "waaahhh, it just iiiiiiiisssssssss" answer?

It is none of my business correct. But generally if one wants to try and convince others something is gauche you'd explain why.

31 pages now......😬

I think that’s true.

I’m not trying to convince anyone, actually. I don’t think anyone asking is going to change something so ingrained as etiquette at the adult stage.

Why not answer the question then?

@Calliopespa Well no, she asked me a question. I responded. I do get slightly fed up of women being picked at for every little thing though. Whether we wear makeup or not, how much of it, what colours, how we dress, what kind of clothes we wear, our hair, what length it is, if we dye it, if we let it go grey, etc etc. Hence being defensive.

I'm waiting for my hair to go completely white and then I'm dyeing it bright pink. 😁

@AliceOlive See above. I've been asked those kinds of questions before by people who are being disingenuous. Mainly it's those with the viewpoint that a woman adorning herself in any way is doing it entirely for the male gaze. When I started being a Goth 21 years ago I had very little interest in boys because the ones I went to school with were vile, so I certainly wasn't doing it for them (quite the opposite.) But at least you're not telling me what I can and can't wear. 😊

I thought gauche was a type of paint? But Google tells me it's gouache. The other word just means unsophisticated, which isn't something I'm overly concerned about. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Tell me again who the gauche people are with a lack of etiquette?

The ones who aren't bothering anyone with their mascara? Or is it the ones sinking to attempts to insult others because they are unable to support their view and dislike this being highlighted?

Cool. I wouldn’t

I tried, but you want me to encapsulate volumes of information from multiple disciplines like anthropology and psychology into one happy little sentence that makes personal sense to you. I can’t do that.

There are endless volumes written about etiquette, which is what we are really discussing. If you want to understand you can pick a few books and read them. I didn’t come up with these rules myself, but I have read plenty about it, in addition to having been taught polite ways of behaving from a young age. I do pick and choose as I wish. Some scoff at all of it, others embrace it. Scoff as you may, it’s a factor in the opportunities and relationships made available to you throughout life. That will never change.

Simply, it’s about what makes other people comfortable. Some people prefer not to make others uncomfortable. For some people, grooming yourself publicly feels private and intimate and doing or witnessing private things in public is uncomfortable. Again, some scoff and some adhere.

I’m sorry that I can’t assist any more with your lack of comprehension.

Who needs to apply more mascara during the work? It doesn’t come off.

This thread has been a great read as I top up my powder at my desk after lunch.

I think most of us don’t care what you do at your desk even if we do care what you do at a common table in a place where people eat and socialize.

People are not sinking to insults: that’s your whole problem. You’re goading them to explain in detail why it’s gauche and they’re not.

I’m impressed you can read and powder your face at the same time, though!