Colleague has said I'm vain a few times

[Spottttty]

Well not said it, but heavily implied it. I could understand if I'm going around saying 'Look at me I'm soo beautiful' but obviously this isn't the case.

She's said this because I sometimes put make up on or use a mirror at work at lunch. So what? Like it's not affecting her in any way.
She's made comments about 3 times, I've just laughed but next time I'll say something maybe?

It might just be friendly ribbing as she's nice otherwise but not sure what her goal is. She's someone who doesn't wear a scrap of make up and that's up to her, I'm not someone who can do that and that's just me.

This thread has sent me on a deep dive about why vanity ("excessive pride in one's own appearance") is such a bad thing.

No surprise to learn that it mostly stems from that earstwhile handbook on feminism and equality, the Bible. Turns out that in early art and culture, vanity is almost always depicted by a woman, and it's ultimate exponent was the Whore of Babylon. So if you think vanity as a concept is a bad thing (I don't) you might want to ask yourself where you learned that concept, and why you still adhere to it (bonus points if you've worked out where it sits with your feminism, if that's also your thing)

Isn't this less about makeup and more about how to behave around other other people, especially in the workplace and/or in public places when you're with people who aren't part of your intimate circle?

No, applying makeup is not a feminist act per se, I agree (though personally I don't consider it antifeminist either).

But I do feel that putting women down for a chosen mode of behaviour, when said behaviour isn't doing anyone else any harm, is antifeminist. As well as arrogant and judgemental.

I know exactly the face. Also lipstick application with the stretched mouth area.

I don’t really like being confronted by people doing their make up: it’s a weird forced intimacy.

Well you must have a heart attack if you walk through the makeup counters in Boots, Flannels, Selfridges etc. Be sure to wear your hazmat suit from all the hair and powders flying around the place.

But in all seriousness, I really don’t understand this whole “it should be done privately” business. It’s 2024 not 1944. Why should we shame women and make them feel like they need to be hidden away. It’s makeup not crack cocaine.

I can also assure you that unless a canteen is newly refurbished and spotless, then makeup and hair aren’t only the microscopic particles flying about the place. Unless you’re sat on the OP’s knee whilst she touches up her concealer I can bet your packed lunch is safe and sound.

I’m with you @Spottttty I’m cackling away here. One thing to sit on the train putting a full face on pulling faces so it’s hard to know where to look, quite another to have a quick look in the mirror and see if you’ve gone shiny/got food over your face/between your teeth and so on. Maybe sneakily use your phone camera on selfie mode to check. But I’d have to say ‘why are you bothered’?

Well, as I said before, if the colleague is actively mocking her then that's rude and a put down and poor manners too. Again, not what should be happening in the workplace.

This is always interesting, when someone doesn’t buy into the whole make up thing they must be jealous.

Shows how some people feel they’re superior to others by virtue of the fact that their priorities and interests are different from someone else’s.

Just for reference, they’re not jealous of you.

“Confronted?”
”weird, forced intimacy?”

Oh my word how have you got through your life so far? Someone opening a little compact and sticking a bit of lippy on nearby you illicits such a reaction? Good grief.

I think the whole outing make up on in front of colleagues in the break out room acceptability thing, also depends on how formal a work environment it is.
I've worked in corporate settings where that would be an unprofessional choice and I've also worked in more informal work environments where it would be no big deal.

So the venue isn't the issue, more the culture of the workplace.

But neither option excuses rudeness anyway.

Jesus fucking Christ, I had no idea women hated other women quite so much. Some of the comments in this thread about applying a bit of mascara in a break room is absolutely batshit

You’s think she was getting her arsehole bleached next to the peas the way some of you go on

This is part of the point though isn’t it? That behaviour is far more 1944 than 2024, that’s why it’s noticeable and people comment.

It’s a really old fashioned thing to do I think (although in fairness maybe that just reflects my social circle and if I worked somewhere like retail or beauty I’d be exposed to it more).

It's (I hate to admit it) a generational thing

Although you'll see plenty of old Hollywood movies where women powdered their noses and touched up their lipstick using a posh compact, in public

My mother (wartime generation) would have been absolutely furious if my sister or I had repaired makeup in public. And definitely not in any form of staffroom/canteen. And I suppose I still see her point, I just wouldn't be furious about it.

Well somehow I have got through it.🤗

But if truth be told people don’t actually do it that much because it IS a bit weird.

🤣🤣 careful, they'll be calling you chavvy next!

You catch all your clippings do you?

Show my DH how to do that!

Well … that’s further along the same spectrum really.

I actually thought it was a canteen

Because there are often mirrors in there for just that?

See also: hair brushing

You’ve not read the thread have you? There’s a general agreement that lippy is OK but concealer etc is not.

Same if she picked her nose I guess

I don't think there's general agreement?

Any why is lipstick OK and not concealer?

It's a shared space at work. This is not about feminism. If a man started practicing squats in the break room, or picking food out of his beard, or putting on deodorant then I would find that just as weird.

The toilet at my work doesn't have a mirror. Luckily I don't usually wear make up, otherwise I'd be in a quandary.

Ok so everyone in the office who wants to look in a mirror, brush their hair or top up their makeup should go straight to the bathrooms? Whilst other women are trying to piss, shit, change their tampons and wash their hands in there.

Even though they are probably carrying a compact mirror, just like the OP. Or they could even use their front facing camera on their phones.

But they must use the toilets for that? Because there are mirrors in there specifically in there.

Interesting. I’m off to find and read my companies makeup/hair brushing/mirror policy.