Colleague has said I'm vain a few times

[Spottttty]

Well not said it, but heavily implied it. I could understand if I'm going around saying 'Look at me I'm soo beautiful' but obviously this isn't the case.

She's said this because I sometimes put make up on or use a mirror at work at lunch. So what? Like it's not affecting her in any way.
She's made comments about 3 times, I've just laughed but next time I'll say something maybe?

It might just be friendly ribbing as she's nice otherwise but not sure what her goal is. She's someone who doesn't wear a scrap of make up and that's up to her, I'm not someone who can do that and that's just me.

@Megifer love your posts

People will definitely be farting in the break out room, whether you care for it or not 🤣

If nothing else, this thread shows you what people are likely to be thinking and how they view you.

That doesn't mean you should care of course, but the range of views you have had here will be no different to the range of views your colleagues are not sharing with you.
That's the beauty of the internet. You get to see what people really think. Whether people should or shouldn't think things makes no difference when it comes to what they do think.

If you don't care then no problem. But you now can't say you don't know what people are likely to think or why they are taking the piss a bit. You're very fortunate. You've had a peek under the hood so to speak.

The point of concealer is to conceal but there you are doing it in public! All the point of it has evaporated in that one act.

I would be so very embarrassed to be seen putting concealer on my spots in public. It’s akin to pretty much getting a red arrow and letting everyone know I have spots.

oh the irony of it it all…

I find people who put make up on in public a mystery. They aren’t playing the same game as me socially. It’s like something is missing in their heads. Part of me admires you for being so bold (I’d literally die with embarrassment as said already) but part of me laments that this is boldness related to the need to “pretty-yourself-up” which is tiresome at times. Especially if you’re regularly doing it. It suggests insecurity/lack of confidence neither of which are appealing so it’s a very weird dichotomy the whole thing. Bold/confidence in an area of insecurity/under confidence .. 🤯

I would never ever say anything to you though. I don’t interfere with other people’s lives so im
sorry she said something to you. That’s unkind. But people are unkind sadly.

I might talk to a therapist about it. Both the repeated use of make up and the need to feel like you have to and also how to cope with mean comments.

To me, there is something a bit weird about being in a group setting like that and thinking “I need to reapply my concealer/mascara here and now” rather than thinking “I’ll just pop into the loo on the way back to my desk and do it then”.

🥰 I'm high as a kite on cocodamol today 🤣 (yet another ovarian cyst thats deciding whether to burst or not 😩)

Are you suggesting op needs a therapist because she puts mascara on outside the bathroom and because she's asked about a colleague who is being a bit of a tosser?

Are you American? I only ask because IME Americans tend to need therapy if they get bits in their Tropicana when they were expecting the smooth version.

So many pearl-clutchers here. Why - in your right mind - would you give a single fuck if someone in the same room as you decides to look in a mirror, touch up their make up?

It's not the same as picking your nose as someone said get a grip. It's not the same as blowing your nose or brushing your hair. There is literally no action in touching your make up which would have any impact on another person other than your eyes alighting on said activity. Assuming of course OP is using the make up normally and not drawing on anyone.

I'll "fix my face" wherever I so please. I don't care if you think I'm common, I don't care what strangers think and if you're not a stranger, I will listen and dismiss your thoughts unless you can give me a reason other than "it's not ladylike ".

😳🥴

Maybe it's as simple as:
I prefer my appearance with make up / enjoy enhancing my facial features.
I don't care if people know I wear make up... It's hardly a secret.
Here's a handy moment in the day, I'll use that to keep things looking good.

Not sure that warrants therapy. 😶

Whereas for you it's more something like:
My make up is a facade which is part of a mirage I like to maintain.
Someone seeing me apply my make up would break the illusion and undermine the entire purpose of it - so is illogical

Your inability to imagine another way of looking at it is interesting.

I think it is odd to touch up your make up in a canteen and that's why she keeps commenting on it. Do it in the toilets.

It is quite crude I would say rather thsn vain, just groom in private like others do. I find brushing hair at desks / lunch areas worse. Neither behaviours are dignified, or respectful of your physical environment.

Just musing, but what's the people's vote on cleanliness in work toilets? Some don't even have a lid to put down before flushing, so am I risking wee and poo particles on my mascara, lipstick, powder puff, that I wouldn't be risking elsewhere?

It’s probably something to do with authenticity and trust. We are our most natural authentic selves without make up.

authenticity and feeling comfortable in your own skin is a sign of confidence.

Repeatedly checking your make up is an outward signal to everyone around that says “I want to be perfect, I’m not comfortable just being me”.

It’s like you already put a layer between yourself and everyone else. I’m not a big fan of make up though. I find it plays to the patriarchy of trying to make women feel that beauty is the only thing we have going for us so when I see someone playing up to it, I find them shallow.

If someone comments to OP she’s saying, hey be better than that. Stop thinking you need to fix yourself, you’re good as you are.

Or you could just say 'chavvy', which putting on make-up in public is.

I’d be surprised if wee and poo particles could fly out of the toilet, over the cubicle door and onto your make up tbh. Or into your handbag, into your make up bag and then into to your closed make up containers.

I've encountered this attitude before, although admittedly not since university, where a friend was proud that she never wore makeup or designer clothes. I also don't wear much of those things but more because i'm not good at applying makeup and it's not important to me, than as a point of principle. My friend used to make comments to me about how "we" don't feel the need for it unlike other people, as though we were kindred spirits lol.

I do think my university friend felt superior to women who put effort into their appearance but I don't know why.

I suspect your friend likes you and probably isn't a terrible person in general, but is being unnecessarily judgemental and superior about this one thing. In your place I'd make a simple comment like "it sounds like you are judging me when you keep making comments about my appearance" and just let that hang in the air. She'll probably deny that she meant anything bad by it, but hopefully it will be enough to stop the comments.

I suppose she could say it's not for you to dictate her response to it?

Personally, I wouldn't have an issue with someone touching up their make up in the canteen, but I also wouldn't be offended by someone taking the piss out of me doing it.

It’s not offensive but it is gross and antisocial. Also you should idea wash hands before applying make up and if about to eat I would wash hands after

if it’s a place people eat you’re probably giving her , and others, the ick.

Well, they wouldn't be closed that's the point?

I'd also be surprised, but I'm just wondering if there's a crossover between those that are appalled at make up being applied in the canteen and those that are hyper-aware of stuff like this in the loos.

Apt username, though

It's jealousy OP plain and simple. You are not affecting her life in any way at all, so why the need to comment, other than to being you down a peg or two with a snippy remark. When I was young and thin and attractive in years gone by, I'd get the same reaction when touching up my lippy etc. I'd often ' swish' my hair from side to side( It was long and was forever getting in my eyes or face and being a bother) and this was viewed as flirty in some way! Utter nonsense. It used to upset young, naive me, now I couldn't give a fuck. ( but as I am old, fat and menopausal strangely no one seems bothered by my grooming habits!)

So what's the issue with op touching her make up up in a canteen if it's unlikely any particles can fly all over the place?

And you might be surprised, when i was a cleaner and we did deep cleans of toilets on a monthly basis I'd find urine somehow manages to get at least halfway up toilet cubicle walls 🤢 (could tell by the colour of the cloth afterwards, sadly)

The more this thread goes on, the more you are sounding like a truculent and nasty bully. You were the one who came on here and asked the question, no one has forced their opinions upon you.

Well this was unexpected but some of the posts have given me a much-needed laugh so thank you 😁 oh and I'll add chavvy to the collection! I'd use a laughing emoji but I'm afraid of being told off again.

I'll book my therapist in a sec and explain to him/her my need to reapply make up, as has been suggested upthread ;)

Have you actually read all the replies? 🤣